I'm a jerk

kikibaby

My sister texted me last night saying she wanted to come out to CO (she's in FL) during Spring Break and throw me a shower.  I told her I absolutely didn't want a shower, but I'd still love for her to come out.  She said we could just go to the mountains with my mom and aunt instead- I told her that sounded great.

But then I talked to my mom, and apparently my sister and aunt were excited about throwing a shower for me.  So, I think I probably hurt my sisters feelings by not wanting one.  I really hate getting gifts and being the center of attention, though.  Plus, she wanted to invite a bunch of my friends that won't be invited to the wedding. 

I just feel bad that I flat out was like 'No way' to the shower idea. 

danieliza1127

Well, she shouldn't take it personally.  It's okay for her to be disappointed, but I don't think you should feel bad about it.

sarabellam

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_im-jerk?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:8d89f7bf-7ea9-4f41-a179-53880d5e34b4Post:34da6a86-dbfd-430f-b5ee-dc48b5ca5559">I'm a jerk</a>:
[QUOTE]  <strong>Plus, she wanted to invite a bunch of my friends that won't be invited to the wedding.</strong>  I just feel bad that I flat out was like 'No way' to the shower idea. 
Posted by kikibaby[/QUOTE]
All the more reason to turn down the shower.

laurenclaire1386

I don't think you're a jerk because you made it clear to her that you would love to see her, shower or not. I get where you're coming from though. If she is disappointed, I'm sure spending time with you and your mother will certainly suffice in place of a shower.

BecW2be

I did the same thing. My mom's best friend wanted to throw me a shower, and couldn't understand why I didn't want one. I called her and told her how very sweet it was of her to want to do that, but that I'd love to just spend an afternoon with her and my mom instead. I felt like crap, but she understood. She wasn't even invited to the wedding!

Nebb

If you hate getting gifts, you could just pass them along to me, I wouldnt mind. I love gifts.

kikibaby

I just felt terrible.  My sister is like 2000% more excited about my getting married than I am.  I even threw in that she could decorate the suite we're having the reception in so she'd feel better. 

I think we're going to do a girls trip to the hot springs, and maybe hit up a casino in the mountains.  That sounds like a lot more fun to me.

And yeah, sara- when my mom told me they were going to invite my friends I said 'But they're not invited to the wedding'... my mom's reply was 'So?'.  Um... ok, Mom. 

Catwoman708

You're not a jerk for not wanting or turning down the offer of a shower.  ESPECIALLY a shower that invites people not invited to the wedding - that's a big no-no.

But I suspect you are going to get some kind of shower anyway, whether you like it or not, lol.  Perhaps you should agree to a small family shower or something but only if you can approve the guest list to keep from committing a social/ettiquette faux pas. 

And just because your mom says "so what" if the shower guests aren't invited to the wedding, doesn't make it OK, and doesn't mean it isn't within your power to keep it from happening.

baby green bird

you should not feel badly. you set your boundaries, and you should feel good about that. your sister should not invite a bunch of people to the shower, that are not invited to the wedding, so you should nip that idea in the bud before iit is implemented.                                       .