Kids at weddings

thirdwitchofoz

My fiance and I are really in a bind quite a few of our friends have kids (and more than one!!), we're having a late afternoon/early evening wedding on a friday but we don't really want kids at our wedding since there will be alcohol at the reception and we're planning on having the reception run late (a real party atmosphere). Any tips on nicely requesting no children??

NOLAbridealmost

Don't invite kids; problem solved. 

Address the invites to the parents only (Aka. Mr. and Mrs. John Smith instead of Mr. and Mrs. John Smith, Suzy Smith, Jimmy Smith or The Smith Family). 

If anyone adds their kids you call them up and politely say that children can't be accommodated. 

cebrady89

Like PPs said, don't invite them. Make sure no invitations read "The Smith Family" or "The Smith's" - name exactly who is invited. If they ask, say that you're not having kids at the reception. They should not need a big explanation of why not.

misstomrstodr

I say no kids... I only having my (at that time almost 9 year old) cousin at my wedding as a ring bearer, with no other kids. It's a lot easier to say no kids...sure, they will need to find a sitter but it keeps your affair formal and organized

BMcLeodTeam

Simple... don't invite them! A few of my friends have had weddings with no children... they had to call and clarify with a few people that added their kids on the RSVP that they couldn't accomodate them, but most people got the hint when their invitation said Mr and Mrs John Smith and made no mention of the children anywhere.

banana468

Just don't invite them. But please don't use the BS excuse that there is alcohol present and therefore it's not suitable for kids. I grew up (as did DH) knowing that kids had water or juice and adults could drink beer or wine. Kids' birthday parties had both available. My point: if you want an adult event I'll get a sitter for my child with no issue. If you start to say, "Well, there will be drinking," it comes off as though you don't trust your guests - and in turn I'd think it was ridiculous.

StephBeanWed61502

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kids-weddings-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8df66dcd-aa71-4f42-a5ec-ec198aa61095Post:516f7cb0-857e-43c4-a657-ef063e0fe721">Re: Kids at weddings</a>:
[QUOTE]I say no kids... I only having my (at that time almost 9 year old) cousin at my wedding as a ring bearer, with no other kids. It's a lot easier to say no kids...sure, they will need to find a sitter but it keeps your affair formal and organized
Posted by misstomrstodr[/QUOTE]

<div>Every single wedding I've been to has included children, and it has <em>never</em> made the affair less "formal and organized."  It's cool if you don't want kids at your wedding, but kids - even lots of them - don't necessarily mean your wedding will descend into chaos.  And don't minimize the difficulty of parents having to find sitters, especially for very young children.  </div><div>
</div><div>Oh, and ditto Banana - don't blame alcohol for you deciding not to have kids at your wedding.  It's not like somebody's going to accidently serve a five year old a glass of white wine (and if they do, it would seem to me the adults are a bigger problem around alcohol than the kids).  As I said, it's completely fine to go the "no kids" route with your wedding, but don't make excuses, just say you don't want them there.</div><div>
</div><div>ETA: Spelling correction.</div>

mica178

Be specific about who is invited when you address the envelopes.  NO "The Smith Family," write out: "Mr. and Mrs. Jonathan Smith." 

Ditto banana on the kids/alcohol thing.  As a kid, I attended plenty of functions with open bars and somehow managed not to : 1. drink any of it myself, and 2. get injured or offended by an adult who was drinking.

rebarobert2012

If you do not want to have children at your wedding, simply don't invite them.  If people ask if they can bring them, say you are very sorry, but you cannot accommodate them. 

Just be prepared that some people may not be able to attend if they cannot bring their children.  As long as you are okay with that, it's fine not to invite children.

tpender13

Ditto PPs -- just don't invite the kids. Please don't do anything like write "no kids" on the invitation. Address the invitations to just the adults. Personalized RSVPs can help in this situation as well. Ours looked like this...

Mr. John Smith  chicken__ beef__ declines__
Mrs. Jane Smith  chicken__ beef__ declines__

Kate61487

ditto PPs, on all counts.  If you don't want kids, fine, but I hate when people say that it's inappropriate to have kids because there's a bar.  There are some things you could have that would make it inappropriate for children: a live heavy metal band that swears a lot, for example. or strippers as entertainment.  Alcohol is not one of those things.

PamperME1

I am not inviting children to my wedding and have spread the word by mouth as well as through my wedding website.  Just this weekend I had my first 'snarky' comment from a person going to be invited: "is it true you're not having kids at your wedding?"  I replied "yes" and she literally sat ther staring at me.  I said "is that going to be a problem?" because she has a kid.  She said "uh yes, I won't have a babysitter".  All I said was "we're having a small wedding, about 50 more guests isn't feasible and the [venue] isn't kid-friendly, sorry".  She said again "yeah, that's going to be a problem".  All I said was "sorry" with a shoulder shrug (not rude, but making it known I'm not making exceptions).

I don't suspect this person will be attending.  It's fine with me because the venue is seriously not kid-friendly and I can't change that.  I also choose to have a small wedding.  Oh and the wedding is more than 3 months away and this person got the save-the-date 8 months in advance.  A babysitter could be found.

My advice: if you're having 'no kids', then be behind your decision 100%...there are A LOT of people who think a wedding is a family festivity and children are part of the family.  Stand behind your decision because when the snarky comments start rolling in, they can just roll off your back.

Pjb1211

We aren't inviting kids to our wedding. We only had a few comments. Someone told me how excited the kids were and that they'd already bought shoes and new dresses. I felt like that was inappropriate since the save the date was addressed to Mr. & Mrs. Smith only. But what can you do? Just be polite.

My family was totally find with it, because they find it strange to have kids at weddings. We were never invited to them as kids. I invited my 18 year old second cousin and he said he felt he was too young to go. I thought that was a little odd and funny. I let him know he could come if he wanted...weddings aren't contagious. :-)

Futuredisilvestro6

I want the same thing - I believe a wedding is no place for children, unless the couple really want them there. That being said, my family, who has a trillion kids, came up with an excellent solution. They are bringing their family babysitter with them and she will be staying with all the familie's kids in the hotel during the reception. That way, the kids aren't underfoot at the party & the family can go up and check on them if they need or want to! Good luck, it's a hard battle to fight sometimes :-)