How do I word our new names?

tenofcups4me

"Mrs."- literally means "the wife of"

No, it doesn't. It's an abbreviatio of Mistress, which is (was) a courtesy title.

Poli, a whole other idea, which I'm not sure I can describe without a visual. In the top center of the menu you could have both your first names, kind of like a mongram: At left, your name, at right a little lower, his name; centered vertically between the two an ampersand. Then centered beneath that the last name. That still doesn't have the Mr. and Mrs. (not sure how important that part is to you), but it makes the whole thing a graphic element and makes it clear the last name applies to the two of you. Sorry, not sure if that makes any sense without an illustration...

polichik

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_word-new-names?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8e029670-d817-4858-ba21-9933bb193893Post:edb5f958-69e8-4999-98a2-45660e697f70">Re: How do I word our new names?</a>:
[QUOTE]Poli, I've seen you discuss this before and I was always curious: Why is he adding Crocker as part of his middle name and not part of the last name?
Posted by tenofcups4me[/QUOTE]

He wanted to keep his last name as it was, mostly for business reasons, but did want his name to change to reflect our marriage. So, I was comfortable altering my last name personally and professionally. Socially we'll go by the two names, but he'll still be John Wayne at work. I think he liked the idea of changing his name, but the whole middle name thing felt less scary or something, ha :)

polichik

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_word-new-names?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8e029670-d817-4858-ba21-9933bb193893Post:e36f7e3a-035f-45da-bb37-767305eed3ba">Re: How do I word our new names?</a>:
[QUOTE]"Mrs."- literally means "the wife of" No, it doesn't. It's an abbreviatio of Mistress, which is (was) a courtesy title. Poli, a whole other idea, which I'm not sure I can describe without a visual. In the top center of the menu you could have both your first names, kind of like a mongram: At left, your name, at right a little lower, his name; centered vertically between the two an ampersand. Then centered beneath that the last name. That still doesn't have the Mr. and Mrs. (not sure how important that part is to you), but it makes the whole thing a graphic element and makes it clear the last name applies to the two of you. Sorry, not sure if that makes any sense without an illustration...
Posted by tenofcups4me[/QUOTE]

That's actually a really great idea! I'll have FI give it a shot later and see how it turns out :) That'll also clearly show how our names will be, which I know will take some gettingn use to for his side of the family (my side is composed of hyper-feminist, crazy liberals, so they're used to things like that, hehe).

nda_roxybabe

Ooh I do like that idea!

myother1

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_word-new-names?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8e029670-d817-4858-ba21-9933bb193893Post:cdc4b96c-9663-44e6-a399-42d60446f3c7">Re: How do I word our new names?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: How do I word our new names? : He wanted to keep his last name as it was, mostly for business reasons, but did want his name to change to reflect our marriage. So, I was comfortable altering my last name personally and professionally. Socially we'll go by the two names, but he'll still be John Wayne at work. I think he liked the idea of changing his name, but the whole middle name thing felt less scary or something, ha :)
Posted by polichik[/QUOTE]


I really admire this and think it's a great idea.  I was surprised to find out, though, that in my state, men changing their names after marriage have to go through 10x the hassle that women do, including actually going up before a judge. 

They don't make it easy to be progressive, at least not in the South.

polichik

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_word-new-names?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:8e029670-d817-4858-ba21-9933bb193893Post:b43fb668-45ee-4a3d-8dc6-909a2f39df8f">Re: How do I word our new names?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: How do I word our new names? : I really admire this and think it's a great idea.  I was surprised to find out, though, that in my state, men changing their names after marriage have to go through 10x the hassle that women do, including actually going up before a judge.  They don't make it easy to be progressive, at least not in the South.
Posted by myother1[/QUOTE]



This is actually the case in a lot of states, unfortunately. We're moving to California right before the wedding, so we figure we'll just do all the paperwork out there :)

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_word-new-names?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8e029670-d817-4858-ba21-9933bb193893Post:455ed6f3-c0ff-4150-a97d-8dce3680ba89">Re: How do I word our new names?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: How do I word our new names? : This is actually the case in a lot of states, unfortunately. We're moving to California right before the wedding, so we figure we'll just do all the paperwork out there :)
Posted by polichik[/QUOTE]

Too bad you aren't getting married here, because either party can change either their middle or last name on the marriage license! Not sure what it's like in Minn. The mayor of Los Angeles and his ex wife actually combined their last names - Villar and Raigosa - into a new one, Villaraigosa. And that was like 20 years ago.

Hey, I give your FI props for wanting to change <em>any </em>part of his name. My Fi already has two middle names, though, and we're both fine with our names the way they are. Your kids are going to have two last names too, right?

polichik

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_word-new-names?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:8e029670-d817-4858-ba21-9933bb193893Post:7071fb23-d804-4120-9656-369bdf4dcd77">Re: How do I word our new names?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: How do I word our new names? : Too bad you aren't getting married here, because either party can change either their middle or last name on the marriage license! Not sure what it's like in Minn. The mayor of Los Angeles and his ex wife actually combined their last names - Villar and Raigosa - into a new one, Villaraigosa. And that was like 20 years ago. Hey, I give your FI props for wanting to change any part of his name. My Fi already has two middle names, though, and we're both fine with our names the way they are. Your kids are going to have two last names too, right?
Posted by msmerymac[/QUOTE]



Man! That would be so much easier! Oh well... :P

And yes, our kids will have both last names. I can't say what our real names are on here for safety reasons, but they actually sound like they're supposed to be one name (my last name is one syllable and blends well), so out kids won't have to deal with something like Frankenbottom Pewterschmidt ;)

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

Yeah, my last name is ridiculous. Nine letters, 3 syllables, capital letter in the middle. It is so not hyphenable or combinable. So I decided to never even try to combine it, even though FI has a super short last name. Hey, I've dealt with it this long, I guess.

I'd actually like to combine part of my last name with FI's for our kids, but I have to convince him to let me do that first...

carrieoz_76

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_word-new-names?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:8e029670-d817-4858-ba21-9933bb193893Post:d4ebf689-0721-412e-9a43-af2575af70ee">Re: How do I word our new names?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: How do I word our new names? : Mine was half-joking too. It was more of a massive eyeroll to something that wasn't funny.
Posted by msmerymac[/QUOTE]
I thought it was funny.

I guess I assumed someone who knows how to use the word sustainable (and later, iteration) probably is being sarcastic.

myother1

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_word-new-names?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8e029670-d817-4858-ba21-9933bb193893Post:b4f1102f-3eb2-4cf7-bf70-5629f7a900fb">Re: How do I word our new names?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: How do I word our new names? : I thought it was funny. I guess I assumed someone who knows how to use the word sustainable (and later, iteration) probably is being sarcastic.
Posted by carrieoz_76[/QUOTE]

Like.

sep72fendr

i think you should do mr. crocker and mrs wayne ahahaha just kidding. but in all serious, why not just your first names? OR simply title it "wedding menu" etc etc

damaless

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_word-new-names?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8e029670-d817-4858-ba21-9933bb193893Post:b4f1102f-3eb2-4cf7-bf70-5629f7a900fb">Re: How do I word our new names?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: How do I word our new names? : I thought it was funny. I guess I assumed someone who knows how to use the word sustainable (and later, iteration) probably is being sarcastic.
Posted by carrieoz_76[/QUOTE]

Thanks. :)

amandajean36

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_word-new-names?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8e029670-d817-4858-ba21-9933bb193893Post:c6968ecc-04df-4059-b8fc-9c4829bcd7aa">Re: How do I word our new names?</a>:
[QUOTE]Yes ma'am! What we're doing is I'm adding FI's last name as my second last name, and he's adding my last name as his second middle name. Socially, we'll go by the Crocker Waynes, but his legal last name will still be Wayne for work and such. <strong>So, First: Betty, Middle: Sue, Last: Crocker Wayne His First: John, MIddle: Barty Crocker, Last: Wayne</strong> Hence, Betty Sue Crocker Wayne and John Barty Crocker Wayne.
Posted by polichik[/QUOTE]
Not to make this more confusing, but I don't think "Mrs. Betty and Mr. John Crocker Wayne" would be right, judging by what I've read above.

You said that he is adding "Crocker" to his middle name...so, technically, I don't think he's "John Crocker Wayne".  I think you're Mrs. Crocker Wayne and he's Mr. Wayne.

To make it correct, I think it has to be "Mrs. Betty Crocker Wayne and Mr. John Wayne".  I know that's long, especially for a menu - but I think that's technically what your names will be.

thesuninherhead

I think that you're overthinking!

 

 

polichik

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_word-new-names?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8e029670-d817-4858-ba21-9933bb193893Post:4f902efe-5f4e-4ff6-bb5f-3fe47d210ed7">Re: How do I word our new names?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: How do I word our new names? : Not to make this more confusing, but I don't think "Mrs. Betty and Mr. John Crocker Wayne" would be right, judging by what I've read above. You said that he is adding "Crocker" to his middle name...so, technically, I don't think he's "John Crocker Wayne".  I think you're Mrs. Crocker Wayne and he's Mr. Wayne. To make it correct, I think it has to be "Mrs. Betty Crocker Wayne and Mr. John Wayne".  I know that's long, especially for a menu - but I think that's technically what your names will be.
Posted by amandajean36[/QUOTE]

It's actually correct for us, since he's going by "Crocker Wayne" socially, just not professionally.

Sun, I know it's not a huge deal, but I'd also like to know how we should be announced at the end of the wedding.

Lisa8888

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_word-new-names?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8e029670-d817-4858-ba21-9933bb193893Post:8e4d0103-1567-490b-8a88-23be3f6b25d5">Re: How do I word our new names?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: How do I word our new names? : I really appreciate the suggestion, ladies, but part of the reason we're doing our last names as we are is because we don't believe in a woman giving up her name upon marriage (no disrespect to those who choose to change their last names or go by "mr. and mrs. john smith"... different strokes for different folks, right?). We want both of our names to stay intact. It just makes me really uncomfortable (for us, not for other people), so hence the unconventional naming stuff. But I appreciate the idea!
Posted by polichik[/QUOTE]

I would ditch the Mr. and Mrs. "Mrs." plays into those old double standards.

If you want to retain your last name, then why are you adding his? "Crocker Wayne" That is still taking his last name.

His last name will not be "Crocker Wayne" so I wouldn't use that.

Lisa8888

I missed that you both will be using the last name of "Crocker Wayne". Either just use your first names and Crocker Wayne or Mr. John Crocker Wayne and Ms. Betty Crocker Wayne.

melliott09

John & Betty Crocker Wayne is perfect :-)

I love the fact that HE is changing his name as well!!! You have a keeper there! Most men wouldn't even consider this!

polichik

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_word-new-names?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8e029670-d817-4858-ba21-9933bb193893Post:fe52324b-8e8b-4ff2-9393-037eadd1277f">Re: How do I word our new names?</a>:
[QUOTE]John & Betty Crocker Wayne is perfect :-) I love the fact that HE is changing his name as well!!! You have a keeper there! Most men wouldn't even consider this!
Posted by melliott09[/QUOTE]

I agree :) He's totally, wonderfully awesome. There are many amazing men who just don't feel comfortable changing their names, which I respect, but it meant so much to me that FI was willing to. We're pretty non-traditional in terms of gender roles (he's thinking about being a stay-at-home dad when we have kids), and he's been such a big support for all the gender-related causes that I'm passioniate about. I knew I'd marry him when he drove 14 hours to be there for me during Take Back the Night, which I organized my senior year of college.

Unsolicited gushing over ;) Sorry, I got caught up in the moment!