Guest List Woes

ivyrose13

I have a sort of a complicated situation, so I will do my best to explain it. My parents divorced about 10 years ago, and it was bitter. For a while, my dad's side of the family alienated me and my sister from family events. Over the years, my sister and I have started to fix things and are once again considered part of the family. I'm planning my wedding for September 10, 2011, and I'm in the process of trying to find a reception space. The venue I like can only fit 80 people, max. My FI and I worked on our guest list, and came up with 65 people that we knew would attend. I didn't list any of my cousins due to lack of space and I figured the ones on my dad's side probably wouldn't make effort to come anyway (I come from a good French Catholic Family). Come to find out, several of my cousins on both my mom's side AND my dad's side would like to come to my wedding, and I don't want to turn them away, especially the ones on my dad's side, out of concern of reversing 10 years of fixing things. 

So here is my question. Would it be considered rude for me to ask my aunts and uncles if their adult children would be interested in coming to my wedding? For purposes of making sure that I have a venue big enough? My concern is I don't want to find a new reception site and plan a reception for 150 if only 70 are going to show up. I have 10-11 cousins on each side, most of which have significant others and several of them have children too. 

Sorry for the long post, any input would be greatly appreciated.

sep72fendr

11 cousins on each side bring your 65 to 87. proper etiquette says you need to invite everyone from the same social tier for famiilial units. cut where you have to. :-) family before friends? i 80 the MAX possible? would 7 kill it? where do you plan on having your reception if you dont mind my asking?

ivyrose13

My current reception space, with dance floor can fit a maximum of 72 people, if I cut out the buffet, which I was planning on doing anyway for a seated dinner, I can fit they extra 8 person table to bring the grand total to 80, there really is not budging beyond that number because the room would literally be bursting at the seems, my current venue is a restaurant and marina. I haven't put my deposit down yet, and I'm trying to determine if I should find a different space that can accommodate more people, but at the same time, I don't want to invite over 100 and only have 60 actually show up. I should also add that the majority of guests will be coming from out of state. 

squirrly

You could certainly ask, gently, if people knew for certain one way or the other.  But most people will be undecided and you won't get much useful feedback, most likely.

I'd really recommend that you look at venues that are just slightly larger.  If 80 is bursting at the seams and you'd like to invite 87, I'm guessing it's not going to be comfortable for more than about 72 or so, which is just going to be problematic all night long.  If you can find a place that works for a group between 75 and 90 easily, you'll be much happier in the long run, I think.

quotequeen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-list-woes-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8e213d29-cadc-45ab-a368-fad6d4103539Post:e5bbde88-2290-4298-b3c2-ee81c73bf8c4">Re: Guest List Woes</a>:
[QUOTE]11 cousins on each side bring your 65 to 87. proper etiquette says you need to invite everyone from the same social tier for famiilial units. cut where you have to. :-) family before friends? i 80 the MAX possible? would 7 kill it? where do you plan on having your reception if you dont mind my asking?
Posted by sep72fendr[/QUOTE]

It's not 87 - she said a lot of these people have SOs that would need to be invited as well.

OP, you can't make people commit this early, and if they tentatively say no, you still need to invite them, and they could change their mind, so you'd be taking a risk by keeping the venue you have.

mkrupar

I think you need to look at your budget, figure out how many people you would like to invite, and then find a venue that can accommodate all of them. If you really want to have cousins, I would suggest looking at other options. You haven't put a deposit down yet, so you won't lose anything at this point. Is there a drop dead date where you have to put down your deposit or risk losing this space?