Why do weddings cause resentment?

katesheppard

I have two problems I thought fellow brides-to-be would be able to relate to.

1) the mutual "friend" who introduced my fiance and I 6 years ago was and is angry we decided to date.  She was enamored with him and thought we'd hate each other.  So, being out of country I wrote to tell her we were engaged and open the discussion of him again (closed for 5.5 years...).  haven't heard from her.  We were friends and sorority sisters.  Do we still invite her?

2) another friend from grad school is having a rough time with things right now--BF, life, work, etc.  I asked her to be a BM.  She said yes.  Then, as she was complaining about having no money, I asked her if she'd be able to afford being a BM.  She said she wasn't sure, but she'd check.  She then TEXTS me that she can't be a BM because she would enjoy the wedding a lot more if she were not having to spend a bunch of money on a dress (+/-$200).  She's always been a little competitive and I'm not sure if the fact that her relationship is breaking down is a problem for her being happy for us.  I haven't even responded to her text.

Any suggestions, ladies??

rkatz8

1) I would not invite her at this point. I really don't think you need to invite anyone to your wedding who you haven't spoken to in a very long time. Obivously this relationship is important to you or you wouldn't be so worried about this. BUT, relationships are unlikely to be rekindled and restored at a wedding. You'll be too busy with other guests and your husband to devote much time to her. A private meeting or phone call with her would be more appropriate. Maybe it will happen before the wedding, maybe after, maybe never. I wouldn't invite her until it does. This wedding could be a real sore subject for her and being at the wedding may be too difficult for her. You made your attempt to make peace. Give her some time.

2) I have had similar experiences. Finding people that are unconditionally supportive of you is a very difficult thing. If you have others in your WP who are, you should count your lucky stars there and not worry about this girl.

Also, $200 for a bridesmaids dress is pretty steep in my opinion. There may be others in your WP who wouldn't be comfortable spending that much either but just aren't saying anything about it.