in rememberance

norweigan

My little brother, who I was very close to, died a couple of years ago. I am getting married in about a year, and I wanted to do something during the ceremony in honor of him (like a moment of silence or something). However, alot of people on his side don't know that my brother died, and I am nervous that a large group hearing it for the first time at the ceremony would kind of put a damper on the day. What do you think? is there anything else you would suggest?

emilyinchile

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rememberance-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8f22d4a4-977a-4a56-9ee0-33a97a58f458Post:219ada12-2380-434a-8415-e968767532e0">in rememberance</a>:
[QUOTE]My little brother, who I was very close to, died a couple of years ago. I am getting married in about a year, and I wanted to do something during the ceremony in honor of him (like a moment of silence or something). However, alot of people on his side don't know that my brother died, and I am nervous that a large group hearing it for the first time at the ceremony would kind of put a damper on the day. What do you think? is there anything else you would suggest?
Posted by norweigan[/QUOTE]

I wouldn't do anything during your ceremony. Even if everyone at the wedding knows what happened, they're there to celebrate you and your FI and your marriage, not for any other purpose. I think bringing attention to something else is going to throw a lot of people off and make them uncomfortable.

You can have an "in memory" section of your program, some people have a table at their venue with photos of those who couldn't be there (grandparents, etc), you could carry something in your bouquet that was his if anything would work. But I wouldn't specifically take time out to make sure that everyone notices - the memory is for you and your family who will notice those smaller gestures, not your FI's cousin's girlfriend.

[Deleted User]

A wedding should be a happy and joyous time. I think you can incorporate remembering your little brother in other ways. Definitely put an "In Memory" section in your programs if you are using them.

You could also carry a small picture of him in a little locket which you then could tie around your bouquet. Do you have anything that belonged to him that you could incorporate or use in the wedding?

MegaMultitasker

We're doing something like this for my Grandmother, Fi's Godmother and Grandfather to honor them.

It's a Catholic service, we're not allowed to expressly say something as part of the service (and may make people uncomfortable); so we are having a special flower arrangement and a candle, separate from the unity candle.  It's discrete but still visible. 

In the program, we are putting something to the effect of "for those who are not hear to celebrate with us today, the candle arrangement is lit in memory of them " [will write something nicer, but general idea"]

Grandma XYZ , Grandmother of Bride
Jane Smith, Godmother of the Groom"

This way they're acknowledged and guests can read it privately but it's not a huge announcement

hlq2011

My dad died last year; most of FI's family know, I think.  My brother will be walking me down the aisle.

We will have something in our program mentioning him.  We will also have a few other things incorporated into the day that only a handful of people know about - my dad's wedding ring on my bouquet, a piece of his shirt made into a hankie as my something blue, sewn into my dress, etc.  I'm also going to keep a copy of the prayer card from his wake with me that day.

Don't do a moment of silence.

sklink0486

Don't do a moment of silence or anything that all of your guests know about besides putting something in your program. A wedding really should be about your marriage, yes, we miss the people who have passed away and will not be able to be there, but there are others ways to honor them and everyone who feels his loss will already be thinking about him that day. I like the suggestion of a locket on your bouquet or a handkerchief sewn from his clothing, etc. Something only you and maybe a few family members know about. My grandmother was very artistic and loved music, so I am including her favorite song in our prelude- "Claire de Lune". I love it and it is my way of "including" her in a way that is not sad and does not involve any of my guests, just me and my mom.

kitkat610

FI and I have struggled with this. His father and my mother are both deceased. My mom's family want a candle lights in their honor. I think that is a good symbol of you want something. Moment of silence is a little intense.
I actually dont want anything that overt though. I would like a happy day, so we are putting pictures on the guest table with our parents and siblings.

StacyJenniges

You could always incoporate something of your brothers into the wedding as hlq2011 inidcated.  My Godmother who I was extreemly close too dies last year as well, I'm wearing one of her necklaces.  Also a boquet arangement is common as PP said and it's mentioned in the program.