Wedding Etiquette Forum

Friday Wedding- do or don't w/out-of-town guests?

Half of my FI's wedding guests will be coming from out of town for the wedding, around 25 people total. Mine will all be coming from 1-2 hours away or less. 

So the question is; is it rude to make people take all day Friday+Thursday, if they want to fly in the night before? They would then be able to have Saturday to relax in Minneapolis, and we won't be leaving for our honeymoon right away- so we could do a Saturday city tour for them. We just don't want to inconvenience people too much!

Thanks! 

Re: Friday Wedding- do or don't w/out-of-town guests?

  • redheadfsuredheadfsu member
    First Comment
    edited January 2012
    What time is the wedding on Friday? Can they fly in Friday morning, only missing one day of work? (That is what I do for Friday weddings out of town).

    Don't plan activities for them, unless you are *paying. Even then, don't expect people to participate.

    *Edit: spelling

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  • edited January 2012
    It really depends on your guest list, but more than 50% of our total guest list (100+ people) are OOT and we still opted for a Friday wedding. Because most of them are family, we expect most will show up though we understand it may be hard... thus far, the feedback we've gotten is that everyone is excited for a long weekend away.

    But that's our guest list dynamic. Contact the people you feel MUST be there (I wouldn't have wanted to get married if my aunts/uncles/grandparents couldn't make it - same for FI) and ask if they think a Friday wedding will be doable.

    We're sending out STDs at the end of this month (6+ months out) to everyone who is OOT, though I know a lot of people on this board don't like STDs. Just be aware that if you go that route, everyone who gets a STD also gets an invite.

    ETA: Our ceremony is at 6:30 PM so that our local guests can work a half (or potentially full) day and that our guests can opt to fly in the morning of the wedding if they'd like.
  • If you have the budget to invite them - why not do it? It's up to their own personal schedule if they can attend or not. I would be more worried about offending people by not inviting them.
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  • Is a lot of your WP from OOT?  If so, they would have to take off Thursday and Friday for sure, maybe Wednesday too. 

    I'd ask your VIP guests about the date, and if they're all okay with it, go for it.  Just realize that you might have a higher decline rate from some guests.
  • As long as you are okay with some people not being able to come because they can't take that much time off work, I think it's fine.  As PP said, I would contact the people that you really want to attend and make sure they are able to make it.

    I wouldn't plan activities for people unless you are planning to pay for them.
  • It would be an evening wedding ~6pm, and in October, so there's plenty of time to plan. 

    I wouldn't force them to go on city tours, I just meant then the FI and I would be around the next day should anyone want to check out the city. (And we would pay for expenses on that day.)

    It is mostly friends of the FI's and his family- which he will be paying for his family's expenses- so it won't really matter as much to them.
  • I really dislike Friday weddings--it's super hard for me to get off work and I already have to carefully plan for vacations given my workload, so I definitely wouldn't want to take two days off for a wedding.  That being said, if I could just take Friday, I wouldn't be completely put off, but it can indeed create issues.
  • I'm only one person, but for me, Friday weddings are somewhat of a nightmare.  I more often than not work nights so for me it's not even a question of leaving early  - I'd just have to take the day off.   Finding a co-worker who can cover my shift is usually frustrating and that feels like a whole lot of effort for an in-town wedding.  Admittedly, this usually translates to some frustration toward the B+ G.  We've only attended two Friday night weddings and each time I wondered if the B + G had chosen a Friday wedding for the discount and put their wallet above the convenience of their guests.  These were otherwise lovely weddings of lovely couples.   
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_friday-wedding-dont-wout-of-town-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8f2d3790-b109-49b8-a9b8-874d673909e7Post:09463abf-55b3-47df-9c8d-afc3b491b59a">Re: Friday Wedding- do or don't w/out-of-town guests?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm only one person, but for me, Friday weddings are somewhat of a nightmare.  I more often than not work nights so for me it's not even a question of leaving early  - I'd just have to take the day off.   Finding a co-worker who can cover my shift is usually frustrating and that feels like a whole lot of effort for an in-town wedding.  Admittedly, this usually translates to some frustration toward the B+ G.  We've only attended two Friday night weddings and each time I wondered if the B + G had chosen a Friday wedding for the discount and put their wallet above the convenience of their guests.  These were otherwise lovely weddings of lovely couples.   
    Posted by cbvcru67[/QUOTE]

    I understand what you're saying, but when costs are twice what they are to host a Saturday wedding vs. a Friday (or Sunday, in my case) wedding, some people would rather pay less and be able to include more people.   If guests cannot attend because of the day of the week, then that's totally ok.  Some people work Saturdays and its easier for them to get time off during the week.  When I worked retail I had to beg for Saturdays off.  But if a buddy of mine was married on a random Tuesday you can bet I would have been there.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_friday-wedding-dont-wout-of-town-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:8f2d3790-b109-49b8-a9b8-874d673909e7Post:09463abf-55b3-47df-9c8d-afc3b491b59a">Re: Friday Wedding- do or don't w/out-of-town guests?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm only one person, but for me, Friday weddings are somewhat of a nightmare.  I more often than not work nights so for me it's not even a question of leaving early  - I'd just have to take the day off.   Finding a co-worker who can cover my shift is usually frustrating and that feels like a whole lot of effort for an in-town wedding.  Admittedly, this usually translates to some frustration toward the B+ G.  We've only attended two Friday night weddings and each time I wondered if the B + G had chosen a Friday wedding for the discount and<strong> put their wallet above the convenience of their guests</strong>.  These were otherwise lovely weddings of lovely couples.   
    Posted by cbvcru67[/QUOTE]

    I think that is really unfortunate wording - a large part of the reason we chose our Friday date was because of the significant discounts it gave us so that we could afford to properly host our guests the way we felt they ought to be hosted.
    While this may be an inconvenience to some, we made sure to ask our important guests whether or not it would troublesome for them before booking the date - which is what I advised OP to do as well.

    Unfortunately, there will be some inconvenience for some guests no matter what - I work split shifts on Saturdays, so Saturday weddings are horribly inconvenient for me, and I work every other Friday afternoon/evening, so Friday weddings can be troublesome too. So as a guest, the only wedding that *could* work for me without causing me to rearrange my schedule is a Sunday wedding... and that's only if it is local and/or I have Saturday evening off.

    I'd be more inclined to say B&G were being inconsiderate of guest needs if they were having a noon Friday wedding, but they aren't... they are having an evening ceremony allowing for people to travel the morning of the wedding if need-be.
  • This issue is why we scheduled my daughter's wedding for the Sunday night of a 3-day weekend. Out of towners can fly in on Saturday and fly out on monday without taking time off work at all. We booked it well in advance...several months ago for Memorial Day weekend, 2013. Venues often charge Saturday night prices for holiday weekends, but we bargained and got a great price. 
  • I think I agree with most of the previous posts.  We are having a Friday wedding this June in Montreal no less, and I can tell you only about half (or less) of the people attending live in or near Montreal.  Or Canada even.  We chose it because even though we started planning 7 months in advance, every Saturday FOR THE YEAR was booked at our venue.  (Really? I guess I'm just not understanding this whole wedding planning thing).  Sure, we might have been able to find a different venue, but it likely would have been further out of town, and then we have to find a way to get people there and then it ends up costing just as much.  Or find another place in town that's more expensive to begin with.  Having our event on a Friday was also a little cheaper, but only by a few hundred dollars. 

    Maybe this is just my personal opinion, but I feel like if you're inviting close friends and family, and you give them ample notice in form of a Save the Date, then they will make every effort to attend if they want to.  In '09 I went to 5 weddings, four were out of town, and two were out of the country (and no I'm not rich).  :)  I just asked for time off in advance, and saved up my money.  My friend got married in St. Paul on a Fri night, and I flew in Thursday night after work.  That way it wasn't the day of, but I still took the same amount of PTO.  (As a side note, I HEART Mpls and I miss living there.  Where's your wedding going to be?)

    As for my wedding, most of our guests are excited that it's like a vacation for them.  Most are staying in the city for a couple days so they can explore.  Some are even driving there and doing a vacation on the way (Boston, Niagara Falls, etc.) 

    Anyway, I know this is long-winded, but if you're paying for the event, you should do what's best for you.  You can't possibly accomodate everyone's schedule, and depeding on what your friends/family do for a living, someone will always likely have to work the next day or take time off. 

    And just a question, someone up above said that peeps on the etiquette board don't like save the dates.  Why is that?  Aren't they helpful?  I'm confused.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_friday-wedding-dont-wout-of-town-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:8f2d3790-b109-49b8-a9b8-874d673909e7Post:e9aa0daf-c238-4a7b-a4ea-4d80dc737689">Re: Friday Wedding- do or don't w/out-of-town guests?</a>:
    [QUOTE] And just a question, someone up above said that peeps on the etiquette board don't like save the dates.  Why is that?  Aren't they helpful?  I'm confused.
    Posted by Hobie625[/QUOTE]

    Many people send them without realizing that STD = invite. So you see a LOT of posts on here saying that B&G sent a STD but "can't" invite everyone that got the STDs for some reason (budget, venue room constraints, etc). There's also a lot of issues with people sending STDs that suddenly don't get along with people so they no longer want to invite them.

    Many here view STDs as more trouble than they are worth.
  • My fiance and I chose a Friday evening wedding because we live in a small town with few options for transportation, venues, caterers etc. The competition for Saturdays is fierce and half the time suppliers are booked for several weddings. Overworked staff can easily get overwhelmed and mix ups happen.

    People take a day off work for any number of reasons (beach day, graduation, "mental health day", concert, etc.) A wedding isn't really all that different. If it's too inconvenient to attend due to time or travel, finances or simply that you're not that close to the happy couple, RSVP that you will not be attending.  A bride and groom should not be offended if you RSVP with a "no." I certainly wouldn't be. 

     
  • Thanks for the clarification on the Save the Date issue.  I guess we did it the other way around; we created a set guest list and then sent out save the dates to those people.  Mainly because almost everyone is traveling from out of town/out of the country, so we wanted to give them a heads up way in advance.
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