wedding invites question #2( the +1's)

missaprilmarie1988

my next question is this....
Is it rude or inappropriate to not add "and guest" to people I want to invite that are single or have just a bf or gf?? If the budget allowed of course I'd like to have my friends with b/f or g/f's to bring them, or even for my single friends/family to bring a date however this is not the case, and my FI and I want a more intimate gathering

Viczaesar

If they have a bf or gf (no "just") their SO needs to be invited.  If they're truly single they don't need to have the option of a guest.  Anyone in a relationship is invited with their SO, they are a social unit.  You have to make room for it in your budget.

Simply Fated

"Just" a bf or gf? Excuse me, I love my "just" boyfriend. Our relationship is valid with or without a ring or even vows. My relationship is just as important and valid as anyone else's. Our choice not to be married doesn't make our relationship less valid than yours. Why wouldn't he be invited?

kinsey0628

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-invites-question-2-1s?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8f4371db-da88-441f-ba51-c4103f727939Post:b040152a-a18f-4e07-a0ea-2cbb2b5a30c0">Re: wedding invites question #2( the +1's)</a>:
[QUOTE]"Just" a bf or gf? Excuse me, I love my "just" boyfriend. Our relationship is valid with or without a ring or even vows. My relationship is just as important and valid as anyone else's. Our choice not to be married doesn't make our relationship less valid than yours. Why wouldn't he be invited?
Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]


Yess!!

ECook25

Take all of the above advice!!!

Unless you and your FI were bethrothed at birth, you were "just" his gf at a certain point, as well.  How would you have felt it he received an invitation to a wedding, a month before you got engaged, and you were not invited because you were "just" his gf?

Don't split up couples because you don't deem their relationship to be serious enough to warrant an invitation to your wedding.  Social units must be invited together.

kate2188

You don't need to give plus ones to single people with no significant others. A couple who are not married ("just" boyfriend and girlfriend) are still a social unit and need to be invited together. Just because a couple is not engaged or married doesn't mean they're not serious, and you are in no position to judge the seriousness of someone else's relationship.

Etiquette is all about making your guests the most comfortable, and splitting up significant others at a celebration of love and committment is an excellent way to make your guests uncomfortable.

Duckie&Cricket

When my FI and I had been b/f-g/f for a little over a year, he was invited to a wedding and I was not included. Since his whole family was invited, his mom handled the RSVP and included me, even though I was not actually invited. I went anyway because him and his mom told me too, but it was awkward to be there and I was pretty upset that I was not invited with him. These people knew that we were together.

It's pretty rude to not invite the SO when you know that they are together. If a friend of mine had invited me and not him I would seriously consider not going.

Chloeagh

I have a different take on this. Just because someone has a boyfriend/girlfriend doesn't mean they HAVE to be invited. My boyfriend has a cousin who always has a different girlfriend and it makes the family uncomfortable to have a different girl at every event, so they don't like inviting SOs unless they know it's very serious (there was a lot of arm pulling to get me down to just meet his grandma). And if it's a numbers issue, I see no reason to not invite someone you've never met. When my boyfriend's cousin (a different one) got married, his sister's boyfriend of 5 years got invited, but despite being together for 2 1/2 years, I didn't get invited. They had never met me and when his mom inquired, they just weren't comfortable with it. However, I've spent a lot of time with them since then and they will invite me to the next wedding. And if my cousin getting married this summer doesn't invite my boyfriend, I would understand. They don't know him very well and they have a very limited budget. I'm sure there are many people they would prefer to invite than some guy the groom has only met in passing and the bride has never met.

It's their day, not mine, and if their not comfortable/unable to invite my SO, then that's fine. It probably means I'd be the only one he knows anyway and that wouldn't be fun for him.

cindyn9178

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-invites-question-2-1s?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:8f4371db-da88-441f-ba51-c4103f727939Post:ac04c63d-9e69-451f-beb2-f9266c449e14">Re: wedding invites question #2( the +1's)</a>:
[QUOTE]I<strong> have a different take on this. Just because someone has a boyfriend/girlfriend doesn't mean they HAVE to be invited</strong>. My boyfriend has a cousin who always has a different girlfriend and it makes the family uncomfortable to have a different girl at every event, so they don't like inviting SOs unless they know it's very serious (there was a lot of arm pulling to get me down to just meet his grandma). And if it's a numbers issue, I see no reason to not invite someone you've never met. When my boyfriend's cousin (a different one) got married, his sister's boyfriend of 5 years got invited, but despite being together for 2 1/2 years, I didn't get invited. They had never met me and when his mom inquired, they just weren't comfortable with it. However, I've spent a lot of time with them since then and they will invite me to the next wedding. And if my cousin getting married this summer doesn't invite my boyfriend, I would understand. They don't know him very well and they have a very limited budget. I'm sure there are many people they would prefer to invite than some guy the groom has only met in passing and the bride has never met. It's their day, not mine, and if their not comfortable/unable to invite my SO, then that's fine. It probably means I'd be the only one he knows anyway and that wouldn't be fun for him.
Posted by Chloeagh[/QUOTE]
I completely agree with this. If the OP personally knows the BF or GF, then yes, they should be invited. Otherwise, you do NOT have to invite a BF or GF just because your friend is currently dating someone. If they are engaged, then they should be invited because THAT is a unit. Not because they put a label of "boyfriend/girlfriend" on their relationship.

andrewandkathy

I agree with the two above me. My FH has a cousin that changes GFs like crazy, and sometimes they have lots of kids, and I mean lots of kids. So we made it very clear that couples had to be significant couples. I will admit that our two families are pretty crazy, but you have to draw a line somewhere. Sometimes feelings get hurt, and when that happens apologize and move on. If we had invited every family member and their SO's we would have had more than 300 people(yes our families are that big) which would have been craziness, not to mention expensive. You are going to get lots of opinions on this, go with what works best for you and and your FI.

StephBeanWed61502

It's incredibly rude to appoint yourself the arbiter of which people's relationships are "serious enough."  Part of being a good host is "going with what works best" for your guests, and not just yourself.

missaprilmarie1988

well holy hell on heels ladies i am sorry for the "JUST" it wasnt meant to be offensive!!! i asked bc i honestly didnt know... now i do, so thanks for being bitchy about ti much appreciated....

missaprilmarie1988

the reason i asked is much like stated above with other posters.... a few of my friends and his have a new fling all the time.... of course if my friends/family have SO's of a good while i would invite them, however i dont feel it needed or realistic to invite jane doe who's with steve my cousin when he has (excuse the french) got more a$$ then a damn toilet seat... by the time the invites go out he could be on to this one or her or her friends or the lady at the coffee shop.... you all really need to take a deep breath and relax!!!