HELP Monster Bridesmaids destined to ruin wedding - What to do!!

frecklesandkisses

Ok so here is my problem...I am a bridesmaid in a wedding, one of six, two of the other bridesmaids are the grooms sister and brothers wife aka. sister in law.  These two females have been a nightmare to deal with the entire wedding process.  Name it they did it - derail surprise bridal shower, useless at said bridal shower,consistently comments negatively on topics brought up w/o alternate ideas, caused a family fight at engagement party, ruined brides dinner at bachlorette, ruined brides comedy show experience at bachlorette and the list can go on and on.  So here we are in the final weeks before the Dec. wedding and I get a knot in my stomach every time I think about what kind of hyjinx these females will pull on my friends wedding day.  She is in a rough spot because her fi knows along with his family what a nightmare they have been to the bride.  The father of the groom has spoken to his daughter and daughter in-law and the madness has not ended.  The family is legendary for holding grudges and not speaking to other members of the family for years.   But my issue is that it is hard to stand by and see all of this happening.  I have many ideas of what might work in this situation...but I just don't know what to do?  I can not stand by and not act on my friends behalf. I see her in pain, I see her day being assaulted on all fronts.  I see her responding appropriately and with dignity in all situations. But how can I help her?  What would you do?  Her wedding day is coming up in a couple of weeks and time is of the essence.  FYI -  Kicking them out of the party is not an option, I've asked consistently for months now. 
Thanks for your welcome comments...in advance of you comments.

hetshup

Honestly? This is going to be an unpopular opinion, but have her offend them. If they are going to hold legendary grudges anyway, she may as well enjoy her wedding. The horrible thing is, as the responsible one, you might have to get them to toe the line. I would contact the father of the groom and come up with game plan, that way if they get out of line, you already have an idea of what to do. But I honestly feel like some people are going to be jerks no matter what. 

andamu

What have they been doing, exactly?  We might be able to provide more advice with more information on what they've been getting up to.

kd.joseph

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_monster-bridesmaids-destined-ruin-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:8fcd0287-be83-4336-a98a-472c93b38263Post:00f06041-bd5c-4b8c-8a07-f3edac168070">HELP Monster Bridesmaids destined to ruin wedding - What to do!!</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok so here is my problem...I am a bridesmaid in a wedding, one of six, two of the other bridesmaids are the grooms sister and brothers wife aka. sister in law.  These two females have been a nightmare to deal with the entire wedding process.  Name it they did it - derail surprise bridal shower, useless at said bridal shower,consistently comments negatively on topics brought up w/o alternate ideas, caused a family fight at engagement party, ruined brides dinner at bachlorette, ruined brides comedy show experience at bachlorette and the list can go on and on.  So here we are in the final weeks before the Dec. wedding and I get a knot in my stomach every time I think about what kind of hyjinx these females will pull on my friends wedding day.  She is in a rough spot because her fi knows along with his family what a nightmare they have been to the bride.  The father of the groom has spoken to his daughter and daughter in-law and the madness has not ended.  The family is legendary for holding grudges and not speaking to other members of the family for years.   But my issue is that it is hard to stand by and see all of this happening.  I have many ideas of what might work in this situation...but I just don't know what to do?  I can not stand by and not act on my friends behalf. I see her in pain, I see her day being assaulted on all fronts.  I see her responding appropriately and with dignity in all situations. But how can I help her?  What would you do?  Her wedding day is coming up in a couple of weeks and time is of the essence.  FYI -  Kicking them out of the party is not an option, I've asked consistently for months now.  Thanks for your welcome comments...in advance of you comments. :)
Posted by frecklesandkisses[/QUOTE]

JIC

frecklesandkisses

I apprecaite both these comments.  I feel that they have consistantly shown a history of causing mayhem and that leads me to belive that at the rehersal dinner and wedding day they will find a way to do something.  My fellow bridesmaids and I are of the opinion that with our presence and consistant pro-bride stance there negative actions will be negated.  
Specifically, my bride found out that one of the girls was allergic to flowers and went ahead and asked her florest to create a silk flower bouquet for this bridesmaid and she felt the bride was trying to single her out and she called the bride a bitch for making her the odd man out.  
Our bridesmaid responce to the bride is that this girl is sick. She is sick in her heart and she is so far in her rabbit hole she can't find her way out.    

squirrly

Well, if the bride has responded politely time and again, there's not a lot you can do.  Try to keep them distracted, I suppose to prevent them from focusing in on something to complain or cause trouble about. 

However, the silk flower thing, while good hearted of the bride, might have been better handled by checking with the allergic BM in question first to find out if she would prefer a non-floral bouquet.  She might prefer not to call attention to herself and instead take an allergy pill that day.  Not that throwing a fit is the proper response, but still. 

My guess is that there's some kernel of reasonable basis in each explosion from them, but that they take things the wrong way, or push too far, etc.  If you know that about them, you can diffuse things but asking instead of making a decision first, etc. 

I'm curious as to what they did at the bachelorette party, though. 

SineadHickey

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_monster-bridesmaids-destined-ruin-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:8fcd0287-be83-4336-a98a-472c93b38263Post:4cbfa002-4a33-4751-b272-7c97cf71e448">Re: HELP Monster Bridesmaids destined to ruin wedding - What to do!!</a>:
[QUOTE]Well, if the bride has responded politely time and again, there's not a lot you can do.  Try to keep them distracted, I suppose to prevent them from focusing in on something to complain or cause trouble about.  <strong>However, the silk flower thing, while good hearted of the bride, might have been better handled by checking with the allergic BM in question first to find out if she would prefer a non-floral bouquet.  She might prefer not to call attention to herself and instead take an allergy pill that day.</strong>  Not that throwing a fit is the proper response, but still.  My guess is that there's some kernel of reasonable basis in each explosion from them, but that they take things the wrong way, or push too far, etc.  If you know that about them, you can diffuse things but asking instead of making a decision first, etc.  I'm curious as to what they did at the bachelorette party, though. 
Posted by squirrly[/QUOTE]

Is having an allergy embarassing or something? If a bride did that for me I would think it was incredibly considerate. It's not like she's calling attention to her learning disability or something, it's an allergy!

squirrly

The BM might be embarassed to look different, carrying silks vs real flowers.  I didn't say it was logical or that I would, but she might.  Just saying, why not ask first.

NuggetBrain

Ehhh I have to agree that I would not have thrown a fit about the flowers.  Even if the bride hadn't asked, I would have known that she did it because she didn't want me to have to pop pills all day or be a bleary-eyed, snot-nosed mess in all the wedding pictures.  I've seen some very realistic silk flowers, and I highly doubt anybody would notice the difference if the BM hadn't pointed it out.

OP - just continue to be supportive of the bride and try to use your and the other normal BM's positive presence as a buffer for the other two heifers.  If you get confrontational with them, it's just going to make it more stressful for the bride.  Besides, if they aren't going to listen to their father or their brother, why on earth would they listen to you?