Wedding Etiquette Forum

Rude to marry same day as brother 5 years later?

Hi,
My Fiance and I got engaged a few months ago.  We are expecting a baby this September and are thinking of a Christmas wedding in 2013.
My big brother was married to one of my bffs 12/28/07.
My fiance and I love the Christmas season.  Our church does not marry during Advent nor Lent...
When looking through dates, the Saturday after Christmas of 2013 is going to be 12/28.
We talked about 1/4/14, but I think the feeling of a Christmas wedding wouldn't be the same.
With this said, y'all should also know that my parents were married 12/29 and have been married for 40 years.
Of course we are concerened about hurt feelings.
Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated!
Thanks!

Re: Rude to marry same day as brother 5 years later?

  • Seems like it's a family tradition.
  • Have you talked to your brother to see how he feels?  I don't see why it would be a big deal to get married on their anniversary, but I'm not your brother.
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  • I don't think it matters if you get married the same day. If you care if your brother cares then just ask him about it. But if you don't care if he cares just carry on and do whatever you wanted to do in the first place. 
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  • If you're concerned, ask your brother, but to me, it wouldn't be a big deal. Most people in my family share anniversaries.  My aunt and uncle, my grandparents and my godparents were all share an anniversary, and two other sets of aunts/uncles and my parents share an anniversary.  We look at it as good luck, so I wouldn't worry.
  • I would just ask them.  Tell them your reasoning of wanting a Christmas wedding and tell them the Saturday after Christmas is the 28th.  See what their reaction is and what they say.

    For what it's worth, my friends were married on Jan 4th.  They had a winter themed wedding and it was beautiful.  Their venue was still decorated with lots of evergreen garland.  They went to one of the local small towns here and had some pictures taken along the business district that had white lights strung up for Christmas.  The pictures were awesome!  The DJ played instrumental classic Christmas music during the dinner hour in addition to standard dinner classics.  It was still a Christmas-y wedding, but in January.  So it can happen!
  • I too, think you should ask, Or you could look at the Saturday before christmas?
  • I got married on almost the same day as my sister - our wedding was the following year, on the same weekend.  Hers was the 21st, mine the 20th.  My grandparent's anniversary was the 20th, though.

    Honestly I wouldn't sweat it, but if you think there are going to be upset feelings you need to talk to your brother about this.  None of us can tell you exactly how he'd feel, but my guess is that if you tell him the same thing you told us, he might be okay with it.  Only way to know for sure is to just ask.
    panther
  • Ditto PP's. Etiquette wise there's nothing wrong with getting married on your brother's anniversary.  For the sake of family harmony I'd run it by your brother to make sure he's okay with it before you book anything.  If he has an issue, I'd go with the 1/4 date.  Most churches will be have their holiday decorations up, or many of them, towns will still have lights up, and friends and family might have less going on the following week so it'd be easier for them to attend.  A lot of people travel over the holidays, so that may affect your attendance rate depending on how close to the people you are.  

    And congratulations on the baby!
  • kaos16kaos16 member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    We get married September 15, my sister and brother in law's anniversary is September 16.  We asked them and they don't mind at all.  We are having the DJ play their first dance song at some point during the night, since they will be celebrating their anniversary with us.
  • I don't think it should be a big deal, but talk to your brother. When I was originally planning a summer wedding I tried to steer clear of early july because my brother got married July last year...but there was no real reason for it. I'm actually quite surprised how common christmas weddings are! My FILs got married 12/28, my parents 12/30 and FH and I are getting married 12/22!
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rude-to-marry-same-day-as-brother-5-years-later?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8fdf8a51-0d71-4538-8bcb-35f56a18b598Post:f29e15d5-24ff-449e-8e69-f3b26b8a43fc">Re: Rude to marry same day as brother 5 years later?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I too, think you should ask, Or you could look at the Saturday before christmas?
    Posted by thurmanpowell[/QUOTE]

    <div>The Saturday before Christmas would be during the season of Advent, and would thus not be possible in OP's church.</div><div>
    </div><div>I agree that asking your brother and SIL would be best.</div>
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  • MNVegasMNVegas member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    Both my brother was married on my sister's anniversary date. They were married 7 years apart.

    When DH and I were planning on our wedding, my sister was trying to get us to book on the same date so we could all have the same anniversary, but it did not fit into our schedule.


  • I got married on the same exact date as my parents--who then divorced when I was in college.  I was nervous about it being awkward, but I asked my mom and she was totally cool with it. From her perspective, it gives her a nice memory of the day now.

    Just ask :)
  • edited May 2012
    I think you're fine except 2 potential concerns:

    - Do your brother and his wife have standing anniversary plans? Like, do they typically go on an anniversary trip? Or, will 2013 be a milestone anniverary for them?

    - The week between Xmas and New Years is crazy busy for a lot of people, and travel is quite common during this time. Have you asked around to see if your family/friends have issues with attending on this date? The key players at least? It could be a hardship for your guests to attend.

    ETA: duh, I see that it's their 5th anniversary. Yeah, they might want to celebrate their 5th anniversary in a way that's not at someone else's wedding. I think you should ask.
  • I was born on my aunt and uncle's first wedding anniversary.

    A cousin of mine and my roommate were married on my birthday - same year - I went to both weddings.

    My DH and I got married the day before he and his ex got married - and in the same church, as it turned out. 

    I would ask, but I would think your brother and SIL will be OK with it.
    Anniversary
  • cag6704cag6704 member
    First Comment
    Thank you all so much for your responses! !
    I will... ask them how they feel and go from there.
    Thanks!!!

  • bongebonge member
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rude-to-marry-same-day-as-brother-5-years-later?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8fdf8a51-0d71-4538-8bcb-35f56a18b598Post:06fcc58e-608f-4619-a9cb-d0df1ac08c13">Re: Rude to marry same day as brother 5 years later?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I think you're fine except 2 potential concerns: - Do your brother and his wife have standing anniversary plans? Like, do they typically go on an anniversary trip? Or, will 2013 be a milestone anniverary for them? - The week between Xmas and New Years is crazy busy for a lot of people, and travel is quite common during this time. Have you asked around to see if your family/friends have issues with attending on this date? The key players at least? It could be a hardship for your guests to attend. ETA: duh, I see that it's their 5th anniversary. Yeah, they might want to celebrate their 5th anniversary in a way that's not at someone else's wedding. I think you should ask.
    Posted by daffodil_jill[/QUOTE]

    <div>All this. I would not be upset if someone wanted to get married on my anniversary but if it was a milestone like the 1st, 5th, 10th etc i would not go because i would have a trip planned. I would take that into consideration. </div><div>
    </div><div>I get that you want it at christmas, which is cool but January 11th (not 14th like you said) is really not that far off & things will have calmed down for ppl by then. </div><div>
    </div><div>I would talk to your vips (brother first, then parents) then go from there. </div>
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  • I think not a big deal.  We got married on same date as my husband's brother - 15 years apart.   We had already picked our date and my husband had no idea, but his mom knew when we announced it. 
    Anniversary
  • It totally depends on your family.  I went to weddings for siblings (my first cousins once removed) two years in a row.  There were no hard feelings and lots of love all around.  The couple about to celebrate their one year anniversary are the sister and BIL of the second groom.
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  • kfraskfras member
    First Comment
    edited May 2012
    I agree with asking your brother and bff/SIL how they feel. Maybe they will not mind at all. A friend got married on the same day as one of her bridesmaids four years later. I don't think the bridesmaid minded, and the friend even played BM's wedding song at her wedding and dedicated to them for their anniversary.

    If your brother does mind, maybe you can have it on Friday night, the 27th? Then along with your parents, your anniversaries would be the 27th, 28th, and 29th.
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