Wedding Etiquette Forum

Question about Thank You Cards

We have received some engagement gifts and I have been writing the thank you cards, but I've encountered an issue.  I'm not exactly sure how to address cards to my fiance's family. 

Addressing the envelopes is easy, but what about the card itself?  The handwriting is clearly mine, and I'm sure everyone will know it's my handwriting, and not my fiance's - so how do I address cards to my fiance's family that I never met?  He would call them Uncle John and Aunt Sally, but I've never met them.  Do I write Dear John and Sally?  Or Dear Uncle John and Aunt Sally?  My fiance is going to ask his mom.  My suggestion was that he could write it and then he could just address them how he normally does (but both of us would sign it).  But I know this issue will probably come up several more times and I want to know what the right way is to do it. 

Also, what about a thank you card for his parents?  I have met them lots of times, but I don't call them mom and dad - do I say "Dear Mom and Dad" anyway since it's from both of us?  Or do I put their first names?  It would feel so weird to put mom and dad.

For my family, I addressed cards the way I normally do but I didn't even think of this issue because they all know my handwriting.

Thank you.
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Re: Question about Thank You Cards

  • I agree write the thank you note based off how they addressed themselves on the gift.
  • He should write it, mention you in the note, and then sign it. Only the person doing the writing is the one actually sending the note.

    Ex: "Kate and I will be so happy to use the panini press. Grilled cheese is her favorite! We can't wait to see you at the wedding."
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_question-about-thank-you-cards?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:90127534-3348-4cfd-b8ad-5474c61975cePost:9af6299d-88da-4d5b-9941-e85f9aa3f5bd">Re: Question about Thank You Cards</a>:
    [QUOTE]He should write it, mention you in the note, and then sign it. Only the person doing the writing is the one actually sending the note. Ex: "Kate and I will be so happy to use the panini press. Grilled cheese is her favorite! We can't wait to see you at the wedding."
    Posted by msmerymac[/QUOTE]

    <div>That makes sense for his extended family - but it doesn't exactly feel right for his parents. He would never send his parents a thank you note for gifts.  But I really feel like we should because they got us a lot.  I think if it comes from me and I mention him in the one to his parents, it might be okay.</div><div>
    </div><div>The suggestion above about addressing them the way they sign engagement cards doesn't seem to work for one that was signed "The Smiths."  Writing Dear Smiths or Dear Smith Family seems too formal and weird to me for the inside of the card.</div>
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_question-about-thank-you-cards?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:90127534-3348-4cfd-b8ad-5474c61975cePost:b55e7892-ec84-4489-a1ff-2afd5c3e9df2">Re: Question about Thank You Cards</a>:
    [QUOTE]If it came from "The Smith Family", do you have the names on your guest list you could look up? For his parents, you could also skip the heading ("Mom and Dad", "Bob and Jane"), and just start writing the thank you note.
    Posted by Edie Bee[/QUOTE]

    <div>Yeah I got their names from my fiance - but I think I am going to have him write that one and he can address them however he normally does.</div><div>
    </div><div>I don't really like the idea of skipping the names - it makes it seem less personal to me - even though the message is personal and I mention the gifts. I decided to put their first names and write it from me.  I mentioned my fiance in it "the blender will be great for making jon's smoothies."</div><div>
    </div><div>Thanks</div>
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_question-about-thank-you-cards?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:90127534-3348-4cfd-b8ad-5474c61975cePost:af84504b-9bca-4139-b795-ad5919598788">Re: Question about Thank You Cards</a>:
    [QUOTE]Thank you note should always come from the bride, regardless of whose family gave the gift. Please don't use those commercial thank-you cards. They're actually a faux pas....they scream "form letter thank you."  Miss Manners loathes them for that reason.  Get some pretty stationery.
    Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]



    What???????? The gift is for the couple why is the bride the one that has to write the thank you? What if there is no bride? What then? Shouldn't it be either person?
  • >>He should write it, mention you in the note, and then sign it. Only the person doing the writing is the one actually sending the note.
    Ex: "Kate and I will be so happy to use the panini press. Grilled cheese is her favorite! We can't wait to see you at the wedding."


    Yep.  That exactly.  My DH wrote all the TYs for his family, and I wrote the envelopes for those.  I wrote all the TYs for my family, and he wrote the envelopes for those.

  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_question-about-thank-you-cards?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:90127534-3348-4cfd-b8ad-5474c61975cePost:af84504b-9bca-4139-b795-ad5919598788">Re: Question about Thank You Cards</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>Thank you note should always come from the bride, regardless of whose family gave the gift. </strong>Please don't use those commercial thank-you cards. They're actually a faux pas....they scream "form letter thank you."  Miss Manners loathes them for that reason.  Get some pretty stationery.
    Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]
    What?  No. 



  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_question-about-thank-you-cards?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:90127534-3348-4cfd-b8ad-5474c61975cePost:af84504b-9bca-4139-b795-ad5919598788">Re: Question about Thank You Cards</a>:
    [QUOTE]Thank you note should always come from the bride, regardless of whose family gave the gift. Please don't use those commercial thank-you cards. They're actually a faux pas....they scream "form letter thank you."  Miss Manners loathes them for that reason.  Get some pretty stationery.
    Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

    <div>I agree that doing a form thank you card with the same pre-printed message for everyone is a faux pas.  But I see no problem with using a commercial thank you card that simply says "thank you" on the front if you handwrite a personalized message inside.  So, if Miss Manners loathes thank you cards like that, I guess I'll have to break that rule.  No one I know would be offended at receiving a card with the words thank you printed on the front and a heartfelt, handwritten message inside.  </div><div>
    </div><div>And for only the bride having to write thank yous? No way! I'm certainly glad my husband and I broke that "rule".  </div>
  • I'm using blank note cards with a pretty black and white design on the front.
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  • edited December 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_question-about-thank-you-cards?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:90127534-3348-4cfd-b8ad-5474c61975cePost:af84504b-9bca-4139-b795-ad5919598788">Re: Question about Thank You Cards</a>:
    [QUOTE]Thank you note should always come from the bride, regardless of whose family gave the gift. Please don't use those commercial thank-you cards. They're actually a faux pas....they scream "form letter thank you."  Miss Manners loathes them for that reason.  Get some pretty stationery.
    Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

    Are you kidding me?? Any gifts we have received have been for both of us.  I would love to hear why you think only I should be writing the thank you notes for gifts that we both received???  I'm glad my FI is not as sexist as you seem to be!
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