Family Dilemma! Help!

AMazza24

I have a huge problem! I'm not very close to my dad as my grandfather raised me. However, he has never not been in my life. He has a girlfriend he has been dating for over 10 years. I cannot stand her. We do not get along and she has straight out made it clear she does not want my dad and I to have a relationship. I told my dad that I did not want her sitting with him during the ceremony, that I want my mom, my dad and grandparents ONLY on the first row. I said she could sit a couple rows back with the rest of his family. My dad blew up at me for this and now, his side of the family is standing behind him, and are saying they will not attend the wedding if he doesn't get his way! I really don't like this girl and don't feel it's right for someone who has caused me so much pain to sit on the front row on the biggest day of my life above my family who has been there for me and loves me unconditionally. Am I wrong for this? I need any advice I can get! I'm just asking my own father to respect my wishes for 30 minutes during the ceremony only. Is that so wrong? Thanks!

emarston1

Sorry, they are a social unit and it's rude to break them up (no matter how much it sucks.)  Why not put your mom and grandparents in the first row and your dad and his girlfriend in the second?

eshevenell

Hey - I hate to tell you this, because I know your situation sucks, but you really can't dictate that your father's significant other not sit with him on your wedding day.  I know you truly dislike her and she's caused you pain, but etiquette doesn't allow you to separate your father from his significant other.  It sounds like, at worst, you're risking alienating that entire side of your family, and at best, your father might come and sit in the back rows with his girlfriend.  I know it's a big day and a special day, but you're facing a pretty serious choice in which you kinda need to be the bigger person.  Otherwise, you're risking none of them showing up for the wedding at all.  Have the two of you ever tried to have a productive, happy relationship?  I'm just curious. 

Good luck with your choice!  I think you really ought to let her sit up front with your dad.  Your second best bet is to ask that he not sit in the front, so he can sit with her.

rknox88

Because they are a social unit you can't really break them up during the ceremony. I understand you situation sucks but you are going to have to find something everyone can live with.

I like what a PP suggested-have dad and his gf sit a row or two behind your mom and grandparents. 

ARod22

It wouldn't be right to seperate your dad and his wife no matter how much you hate her.  It's also wrong to make your mom and dad sit together as though they were still cordial with each other, which I doubt that they are.   I suggest that you apologize, try to make up with her and at least maintain neutral relations with her, your dad, and their family, and then just have them sit together in the front row, seperate from your mom and her side of the family.  She won't ruin your wedding by sitting there for 30 minutes while you have other things on your mind.  

ootmother2

Put your mother and your grandparents in the first row and your father & his girlfriend in the second row.

Lisa8888

They have been together for 10 years. You can't dismiss her like that. You are not only insulting her. You are insulting your father.

Its time for you to grow up and get over it. This woman is an important part of your father's life and its time for you to accept it.  There is no reason for you to continue to hate her.

banana468

Ditto OOT.

You don't have to like her but you can't ask your father to choose between her and you.  If he asked you to choose between your FI and him, how would that make you feel?

And please don't ask him to sit next to your mom like they're a couple.  They're not.  If sitting next to mom with his SO won't work then he sits behind her with his SO as OOT suggested.

Now please call him and apologize.

skippylouwho

Ditto - mom & grandparents front row
Dad & g/f second row

Check a few etiquette books and this is what they will tell you.

Common sense and human respect tells you to apologize to your dad.

ohwhynot

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_family-dilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:9030178e-e7c3-4854-95d7-aa6e4c53f8c7Post:3b126d3c-c39a-4ffe-b3ee-f883ff52d93f">Re: Family Dilemma! Help!</a>:
[QUOTE]Honey, you think your wedding day is going to be "the biggest day of your life"?  It isn't.  The biggest day of your life is when you are lying on a cold table in the stirrups, and the doctor says "PUSH!"  Now get over yourself!  Apologize to your Dad.
<p>Posted by CMGr[/QUOTE]</p><p>1.  Not everyone has children.</p><p>2.  Not everyone who does have children delivers them, much less by pushing.</p><p>3.  How about the biggest day so far?  </p><p>Other than that, I agree with you. </p>

TexanTreasure08

Why should she have to apologize to him? His girlfriend is doing the exact same thing she wants to do. Who in their right mind would tell their boyfriend's children that she doesn't want them in their lives?? You're suppose to value your children above a woman, even if you have been dating for 10 years.