Deleted

bugandsquirrel

*deleted

Rosie109

You know someone quoted you so its not really deleted? Right? We can still read it. 

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

Also too late for you, but for anyone else - I sent STDs for about $12, including postage. Free postcards from vistaprint.

salt78

You absolutely can't "politely re-neg" on a wedding invite.

Did you invite him with a +1? Because you could still invite him, but say that it's not in the budget for him to bring his new girlfriend. It doesn't sound like they have been together long enough to constitute a social unit.

ohwhynot

Why would people have already been invited to your May wedding?  Some things about this don't really ring true . . .

notquiteblushing

I'd get over it.  And I get the feeling there's more to the story.

danieliza1127

If he was invited before he started dating her and not with an "and Guest", then you have every right to say no if he asks to bring her.  But if you invited with "and Guest", then you don't really get to pick and choose who his guest may be.

L-Bride

You can't tell someone who they can bring as a date. It's a weird situation but she is the one who should feel weird, not you.
From what you've written she doesn't sound very stable but neither do you by feeding into it.

danieliza1127

Oh wait, your wedding isn't until May?  Then you haven't sent out invitations yet right?

iamjoesgurl

Why do you care if she comes?  He is marrying YOU, not her.  I doubt she would make a scene although if you are all actors, I suppose that's possible.

salt78

Re-reading the OP, methinks the ex isn't the only one who is a little off her rocker. 

laurenclaire1386

Your theatre background is coming out pretty well in this post.

J&K10910

This is very dramatic.  Did you tell him he could have a +1?

chocoholic4life

Have you really sent out invites for a May wedding already, or just STDs?  Generally, you don't put "and guest" on STDs, so you should still have a way out of this.    If you did send him an invite with a +1, it is really impolite to tell your friend who he can or cannot bring.

I'm assuming that "conservative with the guest list" means that you are having a smaller wedding, so this person should be a pretty close friend.  If it's this important to you, then just talk to him or have FI talk to him if he is closer to the friend.  Does he know the situation since he is a theatre friend too?  He may just decline for both of them or not bring her anyway if he does.  Need some more information here, but there should be an easy way around having her there (hopefully without breaking etiquette, but I understand that this is a more extreme situation).

ohwhynot

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_over-dead-body?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:90500a2d-9419-45d6-8c7f-5347b6d2e457Post:488ddcbf-2f30-4a32-8ef3-7f23312f9c9a">Re: OVER MY DEAD BODY</a>:
[QUOTE]This is very dramatic.  Did you tell him he could have a +1?
Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]

It's not dramatic at all.  They will descend on her like a pack of wild dogs, do you hear me?  WILD DOGS!

Rosie109

I love the visual of the mothers and bridal party jumping a random wedding guest... who really hasn't done anything, that was shared, that would warrant that. 

opalsky007

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_over-dead-body?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:90500a2d-9419-45d6-8c7f-5347b6d2e457Post:a8138224-89f6-4e37-9aa4-59e02a64d8a2">OVER MY DEAD BODY</a>:
[QUOTE]Prepare for a long story: My fiance (J) and I are actors and we met one (fantastic) summer four years ago, working at the same theatre, and fell in love at first sight.  The problem then?  He was in a long-term relationship with someone already.  Oh, and so was I.  And both our significant others worked with us at the same theatre.  Yikes.  Because I didn't know how J felt about me and he didn't know how I felt about him...we continued to date our others and then left that summer, thinking we would never see each other again.  That winter, we finally confessed our feelings for one another, broke up with our others, and have been together ever since. This is where it gets really complicated:  Because having a career in theatre is SUCH a small world, we have ended up working with the same people we worked with that first summer...OVER AND OVER AGAIN.  Including, J's ex-other (A.)  In fact, she has followed us ACROSS THE COUNTRY for a job.  TWICE.  All the while claiming she is still in love with J and that our relationship is a joke to piss her off.  (Three years and a proposal is a BIG practical joke.)  She has even gone so far as to call J's mother and tell her we are simply "playing house" and that she should put a stop to our nups.  Craaaazzzzyy. Recently, A has started up a serious relationship with a very close personal friend of ours...that we conveniently already invited to our wedding!    My questions is this:  How do you politely tell a friend that his girlfriend will be at your wedding OVER MY DEAD BODY?  How do you appropriately express to him that if he brings her, he can expect bloodshed and HOW DARE HE even ask?  J and I were very conservative with the guest list anyway. Given the circumstances of how we got together, we understood that some would be uncomfortable at the wedding...as they were closer friends with A than J.  There are some people we invited because J wanted them there, despite the fact that they had voiced opposition to our union in the past.  But if A is there, it is possible that my entire bridal party will jump on her like a pack of wild dogs.  (Oh, and my mom.  Oh, and his mom.) Sorry we took the long way around so here's the short version: I feel like taking back the invitation altogether but J and I really want our friend to be there.  Is it fair to put ultimatums on a wedding invitation someone already received?  And how do you politely re-neg on a wedding invite? 
Posted by bugandsquirrel[/QUOTE]

I agree with everyone else--if you told him he could have a +1, you need to honor that, but if not, it's okay to not consider them a social unit this early.

Really though, what's the worst that could realistically happen? She doesn't have a valid reason to stop the ceremony. You'll be married and the joke's on her. If she makes a scene, she makes an ass of herself (not you), and you can have her escorted out.

J&K10910

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_over-dead-body?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:90500a2d-9419-45d6-8c7f-5347b6d2e457Post:5109add5-da30-43e8-b197-07de925bf8bd">Re: OVER MY DEAD BODY</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: OVER MY DEAD BODY : It's not dramatic at all.  They will descend on her like a pack of wild dogs, do you hear me?  WILD DOGS!
Posted by ohwhynot[/QUOTE]

So they'll tear her limb from limb with their teeth and nails?  Well in that case, this is VERY serious.

salt78

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_over-dead-body?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:90500a2d-9419-45d6-8c7f-5347b6d2e457Post:5109add5-da30-43e8-b197-07de925bf8bd">Re: OVER MY DEAD BODY</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: OVER MY DEAD BODY : It's not dramatic at all.  They will descend on her like a pack of wild dogs, do you hear me?  WILD DOGS!
Posted by ohwhynot[/QUOTE]

<div>I can't stop laughing....</div>

Rosie109

I just keep thinking about mean girls  

laurenclaire1386

Opal's right. Also, how many people will be at your wedding? I had 80 something at mine and there was one person in particular who wasn't invited, but showed up anyway. I had some unnecessary anxiety over it, was pissed off about it, blah blah blah. Then I drank a bunch of champagne day of, had 2 seconds to talk to her because there were so many other people I needed to talk to, and actually thanked her for coming. It probably won't be the Shakespeare everybody dead at the end scene you imagine. Have you noticed that your real life is pretty vastly different from the theatre productions you've worked in?

salt78

I want the OP to come back and answer our questions. Dramatically.

redheadfsu

Ditto everyone.

If you already sent out invites (which was really really early) & he got a plus one, then you can't tell him anything. You gave him a plus one & you can't dictate who he brings.  If you gave him a plus one & now you want to tell him his new girlfriend can't come you, you really can't do that. Just tell everyone to be on their best behavior & if she goes crazy (which I doubt) just ask her to leave. I'm sure you won't even notice her, unless you are the crazy one.

Rosie109

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_over-dead-body?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:90500a2d-9419-45d6-8c7f-5347b6d2e457Post:5aac31ef-cbdd-4899-9834-e194c8a87615">Re: OVER MY DEAD BODY</a>:
[QUOTE]Opal's right. Also, how many people will be at your wedding? I had 80 something at mine and there was one person in particular who wasn't invited, but showed up anyway. I had some unnecessary anxiety over it, was pissed off about it, blah blah blah. Then I drank a bunch of champagne day of, had 2 seconds to talk to her because there were so many other people I needed to talk to, and actually thanked her for coming. It probably won't be the Shakespeare everybody dead at the end scene you imagine. Have you noticed that your real life is pretty vastly different from the theatre productions you've worked in?
Posted by laurenclaire1386[/QUOTE]

<div>Was this the friend's mom? I remember reading that thread and wondering how that turned out for you </div>

ohwhynot

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_over-dead-body?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:90500a2d-9419-45d6-8c7f-5347b6d2e457Post:5aac31ef-cbdd-4899-9834-e194c8a87615">Re: OVER MY DEAD BODY</a>:
[QUOTE]Opal's right. Also, how many people will be at your wedding? I had 80 something at mine and there was one person in particular who wasn't invited, but showed up anyway. I had some unnecessary anxiety over it, was pissed off about it, blah blah blah. Then I drank a bunch of champagne day of, had 2 seconds to talk to her because there were so many other people I needed to talk to, and actually thanked her for coming.<strong> It probably won't be the Shakespeare everybody dead at the end scene you imagine.</strong> Have you noticed that your real life is pretty vastly different from the theatre productions you've worked in?
Posted by laurenclaire1386[/QUOTE]

Now I'm imagining the opening scene from Kill Bill. 

laurenclaire1386

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_over-dead-body?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:90500a2d-9419-45d6-8c7f-5347b6d2e457Post:8fcc43b5-1e79-43bc-a266-3a22d1c1e031">Re: OVER MY DEAD BODY</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: OVER MY DEAD BODY : Was this the friend's mom? I remember reading that thread and wondering how that turned out for you 
Posted by Rosie109[/QUOTE]
It was my MOH's mom. MOH is my first cousin, so her mom used to be my aunt, but she divorced my uncle. It worked out fine. I was being totally serious, I talked to her for 2 seconds and had enough champagne that I didn't care she was crashing my wedding and knew she was and did it anyway. And I just got a wedding gift from her in the mail, which was really nice and totally unexpected.

J&K10910

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_over-dead-body?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:90500a2d-9419-45d6-8c7f-5347b6d2e457Post:4d3a7ff5-af5e-4c38-ac8c-e72b518dec2a">Re: OVER MY DEAD BODY</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: OVER MY DEAD BODY : Now I'm imagining the opening scene from Kill Bill. 
Posted by ohwhynot[/QUOTE]

STOP BEING SO DRAMATIC.  This is serious, remember?

LDYGTR13

I personally think it would be pretty awesome to see this chick torn limb from limb by a pack of WILD DOGS at OP's wedding...there might be a little blood on the white dress though, so that could be an issue. If everyone hates her so much they would all enjoy the show and there would be more cause for celebration, am I right? Ooh - or it might take way from YOUR DAY.

Okay, well maybe that was gruesome.

Anyway - you have until May - if she's as nutso as you make her out to be, hopefully your FI's friend will figure it out and move on - you've got 6 months.

Rosie109

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_over-dead-body?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:90500a2d-9419-45d6-8c7f-5347b6d2e457Post:d35f7875-0685-45ea-b532-80a431b33306">Re: OVER MY DEAD BODY</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: OVER MY DEAD BODY : It was my MOH's mom. MOH is my first cousin, so her mom used to be my aunt, but she divorced my uncle. It worked out fine. I was being totally serious, I talked to her for 2 seconds and had enough champagne that I didn't care she was crashing my wedding and knew she was and did it anyway. And I just got a wedding gift from her in the mail, which was really nice and totally unexpected.
Posted by laurenclaire1386[/QUOTE]

<div>I am glad it worked out... well? It sounds like it worked out fine. Most human beings can control themselves in semi awkward social situations, but I feel like a lot of over dramatic posters on TK must be missing that chromosome or something.</div>

L-Bride

If she hates you that much she won't attend your wedding.

tidetravel

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_over-dead-body?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:90500a2d-9419-45d6-8c7f-5347b6d2e457Post:3744e8af-0c12-489f-9f43-ac353840a74f">Re: OVER MY DEAD BODY</a>:
[QUOTE]Sorry for misrepresenting the situation.  I wasn't trying to invite insults to my personality or lifestyle.  The post was meant to be kind of funny, but there is a legitimate question underneath.  I have sent out invitations already.  I'm sorry if that didn't coincide with other's timelines but I had to do it quickly because many of my friends are actors and so their living/working situations change at the drop of the hat.  My FI and I just wanted them to know that YES, they are invited and when so to please plan on attending.  We were trying to be understanding that things change so quickly.  We didn't really have enough money to do STDs and invites so we tried to kill two birds with one stone.  Perhaps that was wrong.  I am sorry I even posted this...I was trying to make light of a situation that is very upsetting to me.  (Someone who hates me so viciously can attend my wedding because I made a stupid mistake.) Thank you to the people who offered real advice.  (read:  Chocoholic.)  I appreciate it as it has been very helpful. 
Posted by bugandsquirrel[/QUOTE]
You got real advice.  Sorry you didn't like it. 

You made the mistake of sending out invites WAY TOO EARLY.  Now, you live with the repercussions.  If you invited him with a +1, you cannot tell him who he can/can't invite.  If you didn't give him a +1 and he asks, then you can tell him that you do not have the ability to accommodate extra guests.