Should I pay for bridesmaid dresses?

luciernaga1

My fiancee and I are from two different countries and we're having a wedding in the US and a banquet/reception in his country. I told the bridesmaids they were welcome to come to both and they are paying to fly to both. I am arranging housing for them in both countries, but should I also offer to pay for their bridesmaid dresses? A flight to Europe is pricey, but they also weren't required to go to the banquet in Europe--the actual wedding and reception are in the USA. Don't get me wrong, I am thrilled they are coming. But things are already so expensive I'm not sure we can take on one more expense, though I want to make sure I'm following appropriate etiquette. No doubt this would be in addition to thank you gifts and spa treatments. The dresses are $135/each and there are three girls.

Thoughts?

MissLeahM

I think you've done enough. If you can afford to pay, im sure it would mean a lot to them. But don't put more stress on yourself. 

Beachy730

I voted no because you don't have to pay for their attire, but if you can find it in your budget to do it then it would be a nice gesture.  Even if you pay for a portion of it. 

redheadfsu

You don't have to, but  if I were you I would. I know you didn't make them travel overseas, but as your WP I'm sure they felt like they should try really hard to go. So as a gesture of appreciation, I would buy their dress.

mica178

You don't have to, but I would.  Most of my BMs traveled to participate in my wedding (flights plus hotels, rental car, etc.), and with the economy being what it is, I felt that paying for their dresses was the least I could do.  I also gave gifts on top of that.  If you have it within your budget to help them out, I'm sure they'd appreciate it, especially since most BMs never rewear their BM dresses again.

PsyDet 2155

Ditto on everyone else who stated that, although it's not necessary if your budget can withstand paying for the dresses it would be nice.

vlizz

You are not required to. But if you can I think it would be greatly appreciated if you at least payed part of the cost.

goutesh

I agree with PP.  If you can afford it, it would be a really nice gesture. 

srkropf

95% of people pay for their own dress/rent tux. With everything your doing, I think they'll be fine. Plus, they get to keep the dress and get a kind of trip

DramaGeek

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_should-pay-bridesmaid-dresses?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:90752bd0-dd7a-427d-ba1b-aab3929762cfPost:8150eab5-836d-47f3-8343-358349d15b57">Re: Should I pay for bridesmaid dresses?</a>:
[QUOTE]95% of people pay for their own dress/rent tux. With everything your doing, I think they'll be fine. <strong>Plus, they get to keep the dress</strong> and get a kind of trip
Posted by srkropf[/QUOTE]

Yeah, cause that's a huge perk <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-undecided.gif" border="0" alt="Undecided" title="Undecided" />

You certainly don't have to but I would if I were you, or at least offer to help. 

Amy+Chris

I think that if you can it would be a nice gesture, but you definitely don't HAVE to. 3/5 of my bridesmaids are coming in from out of town, and I did end up paying for my MOH's dress because she told me they could either afford the dress or to travel, so I bought the dress. I would discuss it with each girl and, if they need help and if you can afford it, help them out!

mrstfuture

I am paying for one of my bridesmaid's dress because she is crying poverty, and I would rather have her in our wedding than not due to financial reasons.  Am I happy about it? No. Am I happy about having an added expense on an already tight budget? No. Sometimes you do what you do for the people who you love in the family.  I'm less than 4 and a half months out and the issue is not whether or not she is in the wedding but she has still yet to go to the store to get measured.  If it does not appear on the wedding day, she gets axed (not printing the programs until the dress comes in).  I know some of you may say that its being harsh but a bridesmaid dress is kind of required to be a bridesmaid.  She is also not participating or helping out in any other way except letting me pay for her dress.

ttduffy

I feel that you should not have to because the dress really belongs to them . I allowed my BM's to pick a dress style that they can wear again. With a tight budget I may be able to give them something towards it.

Heather Wood

I am paying for everything for my bridesmaids and they don't have to travel. You are not really expected to pay for their dresses but it would be nice. 

luciernaga1

Thanks to everyone for their responses. It's clear it's not expected of me, but I think an extra trip to Europe for another reception isn't really expected of them either. If I were in their shoes, I would probably really appreciate some sort of gesture. I am going to give them $70 towards their dresses. It is only about half the price, but it won't blow my budget and I think they will appreciate it considering they are buying $1000 flights to Europe to help make my wedding celebration special.

Thanks to everyone for your input!

ajohnston29

If you can't cover the entire cost of the dresses, pay for part of their dresses. This will show that you were wanting to help them out, but couldn't afford to pay for the ENTIRE cost of each gown. Pay their dresses down so they only have $75 to pay. My BM dresses were $140 a piece and two of my BM just graduated from college. I paid enough on each gown so that the girls only will have to pay $50 for each gown. The girls were suprised to hear that I had done that and were very greatful!

vlisa0277

I'm on the same boat you are.  I'm American and my fiance is English and we live in London.  Originally we were going to get married in the UK, and I had planned to pay for my girls dresses, gifts, shoes, spa/primping stuff too, while my fiance wasn't going to pay for his boys suits.  After months of searching we couldn't find a location we liked so now we have moved the wedding to the states.  Since we are now getting married in America, and it is cheaper for people in the UK to fly and stay in the US than it is for Americans flying to Europe (exchange rates, and the higher costs in London) I am no longer paying for the girls shoes and dresses (I'll still pay for the primping and gifts) but now we are paying for the boys suits.

Last year I flew to Hawaii to be a bridesmaid in my best friend's wedding.  I had zero money (quit my job, paid off my debt by selling my truck) because I was moving to the UK for a graduate program.  But I went and paid for my dress, shoes, lodging, rental car, and flight.  She only paid for my makeup.  It was very expensive, I bitched and moaned, but there was also no way I wouldn't be there.

Don't feel bad, they are coming because they love you and want to be there with you, they understand the expenses and if they can make it work, they'll be there for you.

suprwumn83

To Mrstfuture... I am TOTALLY with you there! Our date is 1/1/11 and one of my girls has YET to get her dress! I am so stressed over it, I'm about to break down. And its my step-sister at that! I mean... if I'm offering to pay for the dress and you decline but still don't go buy the dress??? Why should I still have you in my wedding? She has not helped with anything either... nor is she going to make it to the rehearsal/ bridal shower/ bachelorette party..... I mean... seriously???

That felt SO GOOD to get that out!

sugabean

One thing that I'm doing for my wedding party is giving them gift cards to the place we're ordering their dresses as birthday and christmas gifts. The dress is $200, but in the end the girls will only wind up paying about half that themselves since I'll cover the other half in presents to them. I figured that I'd rather give them money towards the dress than any other present - as a bridesmaid, I would've loved if my brides had done that for me. If you give your girls birthday presents anyways, and you did this, then you're helping with dress costs, and staying within budget!

SMcubed

Ilive in the US and my fiance lives in Trinidad.  We are having the wedding in Trinidad and flights alone are around $500.  I am taking care of lodging and their dress (180 each and I have 6 maids) but require them to pay fro their shoes.  I really want this to be a fun and positive experience and don't want any resentment about cost. Though this is going to be expensive on our part we think it will help add everyone enjoy their experience. 

Mcarver4680

That's a tough one.   I would love to pay for my bridesmaids dresses but we're paying for the wedding ourselves and really trying to budget our money.  I believe when a bridesmaids accepts the offer, they should know that typically it's going to come out of their pockets.  If that can't afford it they should be upfront and never make you feel guilty. 

Vlaquidara

Customarily bridesmaids pay for thier own gown, shoes, and alterations. Sometimes they also pay for thier own hair and make up to be done as well. Sometimes the bride pays for th ehair and make-up. Dresses, shoes and alteratiosna re always paid for by the bridesmaids though.

StephieBow

Since they are travelling it would be nice to pay for at least a portion of their dress as a thank you present for flying overseas to be a part of your other celebration.

I have asked my bridesmaids what their budget is for a dress... and I will work within that. I'd love to help them out but, realistically I can't afford it. 

I've been a bridesmaid before and I paid for the dress, my hair, my make up and my mani/pedi before the wedding. I think when you sign up to be a bridesmaid you know the price that comes along with it and if they are one of your closest friends you do what you can to make it work. I know if one of my BMs truly counldn't afford it, I would do whatever I could to help her out.

lrbihms

no way.

JanoBean75

I voted no because they didn't have to go on the trip to Europe. If there was no trip to Europe you probably wouldn't even think to pay for their dresses. You're already arranging for their overseas accommodations.

dearbornjessica

I say no especially if it is a dress they can wear again.

megs2011

You certainly don't have to. I had one bridesmaid that wasn't sure because of her financial situation. I offered to help her pay for the dress or pay for it and if she wanted to pay me back bit by bit she could. She ended up paying for her dress in the end but she was appreciative of the offer.

KimYen1

If you are giving them the flexibility in choose their own style, and the color you choose for them is not horrid, ask them if they would like to keep the dress by purchasing it. If they are not keeping it, then wouldn't it be better to rent to save the cost?

If I put myself in the bridesmaids' shoes, I would say that I'd be pissed if I have to pay for a dress that I don't really like and cannot see myself wearing again. It will also make me hesitate to where it again if I know 2 of my friends will have the exact dress as me. That's why I wonder if either the style or the color are different. But, if the dress is something chic and cool, and it's not exactly the same as the other bridesmaids, then I wouldn't mind paying for it because I may wear it again.

Good luck!

schumacherwedding2011

It sounds to me like you have already taken on the majority of the expenses. For my girls I approached them all before hand and told them what the price range for there dresses would be to see if that was something they could do before they accepted. For one girl she was unable to and because I really wanted her in the wedding I have agreed to cover that cost . But If you decide to help one remember that is between you and that bridesmaid you can not inform them all without doing for all. Hope this helps

KimYen1

OR, I know some people do half and half or whatever % you think you can do... Just don't offer to pay under 50% of the dress's price. But, 50-50 is good.. or 75% or something.. It will cut down your spending by half! And both are happy...?

I'm just thinking, if it's my best friend's wedding.. and I don't like the dress.. but I have to pay 68$ for a dress, that's not too much to ask, given that I'm helping my best friend out on her wedding. It's better than paying 135$ for something I don't like.

Tropes24

By being asked to be in a wedding and accepting the honor, you are going to incure expenses, one of which is the dress. If the wedding is a destination weddking, then you are going to have travel expenses as well. Being a bridesmaid is an honor and can be costly. I dont feel that you should have to buy the dresses at all. IF (and a big IF) you are fortunate enough to have money and can do it for them, great, but like the others have said, you have done a lot, and they didnt have to attend both ceremonies in the US and Europe, so dont put anymore stress on yourself. Enjoy your day, take them to get manis and pedis and have fun!