Open Letter

JessAndTrav

Dear FB friend,

I am very excited for you and your husband that you had your baby yesterday, and I'm looking forward to seeing pictures.

But next time you have a baby, please don't update your status regularly with how many centimeters you are dialated. I think that falls into the "TMI" category.

Normally, I would comment on the aforementioned status updates, but because this is a joyful occasion, I won't be the hag that ruins it for you.

This time.

XOXO,
J&T

Your turn.

shellydiane820

Dear Al Roker,

You're not funny.  Stop.

Best Wishes,
Shelly

JessAndTrav

Dear People on E That Will Ever Start a New Thread,

Please be patient. TK likes to put a delay between when you hit POST and when it actually posts.

There is no need to retype the entire thing. Please be patient.

Sincerely,
The E Police

AlexiaANDRobert

Dear grouchy Alexia,

Please be happy Alexia very soon.

Love,
Grouchy Alexia that wants to be happy Alexia

Dear Robert,

I'm sorry your sick.  I'm sure you'll be fine in a day or two.  Please stop kissing and hugging me because we both know if I catch whatever you have, I'll be sick for 2 weeks or more.  My immune system sucks and you know it.  Oh, and you'll be heading out of town during that time so I'll be sick AND alone.  Let's try to avoid that, okay?

Love,
Alexia

PoopyPants23

Dear Construction Workers,

Ever heard of a little thing called "we're going to give you some notice before we give one perfunctory knock on your door and then start unlocking it while you are trying to study in a white t-shirt with no bra"???

UGH.

jasmineh7777

Dear fellow students,
 You are working in an academic library. Therefore, it is not okay to play your music loudly. Not only is it profane, but it is also inconsiderate and obnoxious.
Please listen to your song about bitches and ho's with headphones.
Thanks,
 -Jasmine

Dear Grandpa,
 Please stop complaining about my little brother to me. You may think he is too sensitive. Fine. But come on, he is seven years old. Seven. He should not be walking himself to school. Your job is not to point out his faults and call him a sissy. Your job is to love him for the person he is. If you can't do that, than at the very least keep your mouth shut.
These conversations are the reason that I was terrified of you as a child. That, and your insistence on showing me all of the animals you shot.
At my limit,
 -Jasmine

AlexiaANDRobert

Dear guy downstairs that was using a tile cutting saw right outside my window at 10 PM -

Thanks for being cool when I came to knock on your door.

I appreciate that. And I'm glad I didn't have to get all pissy.

Also, dontcha think 10 PM is a little late for noisy work in a condo complex?

Thanks,
Your upstairs neighbor that is fairly tolerant until 10 PM

karbar42

Dear Rehearsal Dinner Restaurant,

We really liked your food, and the atmosphere of your restaurant.  We'd really like to hold our RD with you, but I've been waiting for you to email me the catering menus for over about two weeks now.  First you had a virus, and couldn't send them, I gave you my fax number, but didn't get them that way either.  When I called yesterday you said "we'll email them to you today", but I never got them.  I don't want to keep calling and bugging you, I just want the freaking menus already, please.

Looking forward to finally getting the menus,
Kari

missy68

Dear Coworker,

I've heard the story about your stint and having to go the doctor's 13 times in the last 3 days now. PLEASE STOP. And, by the way, the announcement at the end of a called staff meeting that was about something urgent and way important ? Not the place to make one of your stories, especially since half the people had already heard about it.

Also? Do you REALLY need me to tell you your constant coughing is annoying? GTF off the lisinopril and on something else. Some elf might leave a bag of cough drops on your fuucking desk.

And, oh yeah - one last thing - I know you ran to our dept head to tattle that I wasn't answering her phone. How'd you feel when she told you she'd TOLD me not to answer them, huh??????? Hah.

Sincerely,
Annoyed me

Stackeye210

Dear Mr Stack's soccer wife (team admin) -

     You bug the ever living crap out of me!  I do not like people kissing my daughter that are not immediately related to her, and when I told you yesterday you couldn't kiss her because her face has been getting weird rashes, I was lying, but take it as a nice hint to NOT kiss my daughter ever again.

     Also, I know you had a beer at the game yesterday.  Next time if you want to drink beer at an 11 year old kids game, maybe you should NOT put it in a clear water jug.

     Lastly, I know it was you that farted and totally stunk up our entire area.  I was just being nice when I blamed it on your dog for you.  I told you if it were actually you then I'd judge you - but really I judge you anyway. 

That is all.

Stackeye

sweetpea0911

Dear computing services,

Yes, I understand that the virus protection had a glitch, and thus caused all computers on campus to go haywire.  I am incredibly sorry.  I also realize that the radio station is not a top prioirty to you, though classrooms and computer labs are.  However, when I call and ask to be bumped as close to the top of the list as possible because we are currently unable to broadcast, log, or use our EAS computer and therefore are violating FCC rules [which leads to LARGE FINES for the University], can I please ask that you not laugh at me?

I may be a student, but I know what I'm talking about.  Also, that nice FCC man I talked to?  He'll be calling you within the next twenty minutes.  I hope the FCC fine comes out of your paycheck.

Sincerely,

A veryangry SweetPea

[Deleted User]

Dear CEW,
Please get ahold of yourself. Crying in your office while reading wedding vows is not cool and makes you look like a total puss. You're losing street cred by the second.
Love,
CEW

FutureMrsTR

Dear Crystal Lite Pure Sport in Grape,

Thank you for being so delightful and void of artificial sweeteners, flavors and preservatives.  You're really helping my no-soda cause.

Gratefully yours,
Allison

Dear sucky coworker,

I hate that you're back in the office after 3 days off.  It really kills any good mood I may have going on before I get here.

Up yours,
Allison

danieliza1127

Dear Husband,

I'm sorry you are depressed and hate your job, but man up and deal with it.  You can't call in sick forever.

Love always,
Your wife

Dear Teavana,

Matevana tea may be 100% caffeinated but it is NOT as strong as my regular coffee.  I'm about to fall asleep at my desk.   Thanks for nothing.

Love anyway
Dani...zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Brie2010

Dear job/coworkers/boss,

reiaothnea m atnhreaui;thb eua reuai brccrmieagtiura;hugtj reabguwar;

That's me banging my head on my keyboard because I literally cannot put into words how frustrated I am and I want to cry.

Brie

tidetravel

Dear asshats that were up to no good SAT night,

Bet you didn't count on DH being awake and outside at 2am when you parked your truck behind the vacant house across the street.  Unfortunately, the rifle was in the shop, but the scope with the laser light sure scared the shiit out of you, didn't it?  Please come back.  Next time, it'll be a real gun.

~Tide.

Stackeye210

Dear Brie -

You poor thing.   Don't bang your head too hard, you need to be all prettyfied in 2 weeks!

HUGS -

Stacks

andyandhillary

Dear Hillary (me),

Stopping being a mopey panda that some people of your friends can't come to your wedding.  It is not nearly as important to them as it is to you.  Also, they are broke, just like you were when you graduated.  Get over it.  Grow up.  Do not let it rain on this parade.  Lots of people are coming and are excited to see you.  Enjoy it.

Love,
Yourself

kate51485

Dear Coworker,

Please tell the agency where you applied for a new job to hurry up and hire you.  I want to apply for your job. 

xoxo
Kate($$)

Brie2010

Thanks Stack.  It's a bad situation and no matter how I slice it, I wind up looking like the douche if I say anything.

tidetravel

Dear Kate,

I've been meaning to tell you that I love your new siggy pic.  Seeing a happy, smiling Kate makes me happy.

Tide 

ohwhynot

Dear Work,
Please let my fi come home.  I miss him and he is exhausted.  Working until 1 am, 2am, and 5:30 am (!) is not okay. 

JessAndTrav

Jasmine, that sucks about your Grandpa. Have you considered actually saying that to him? Maybe a little bit nicer, but saying it? I think I would have to.

Dear Husband,

I know that you're frustrated with our church now having 3 drummers instead of just one, thus putting you into a rotation. I know that you're frustrated that I don't think that you're 100% justified if your frustration.

At the risk of sounding cliche, maybe you should actually ask yourself WWJD? Perhaps that will help? I'm hoping that our conversation about it yesterday will actually help you take the high road.

If you complain about it much more, I think I might have a coronary.

Love,
Your Wife

baystateapple

Dear Thursday,

Just...stop generally sucking.  I've cried three times today.  Stop it.

Kisses,
Meg

atayk21

Dear Probationer,

When I held the door open for you that was not an invitation to call me baby.

Thanks,
Someone elses baby

Dear Molly,

Please don't pee on the floor anymore, Mommy bought you the bell so you could ring it and tell me when you need to potty.

Love Always,
Mommy

Dear Thursday,

Please go by fast.

Thanks,
Friday

kikibaby

Dear Colorado,

Please stop raining, ok?  I'm going to Glenwood Springs/Aspen this weekend, and I'd really rather not have to take my umbrella everywhere.  K, thanks,

Me.

MissLeahM

Dear Coworker,

I've been pretty upfront with you in respects to my dislike for children. So NO I will not babysit your children, not even just one. Not even for just an hour or two. I also really don't want to know about their bowel movement schedules.

Also, just because you left your house at 8:30 does not mean that you can start your work clock at 8:30. Not to mention that you had your daughter with you AND you had to go back to drop her off because she lives 2 minutes away from your house. I leave my apartment at 8:30, but you don't see me clocking out at 4:30.

I can't wait to give my two weeks notice,
MissLeah

ggmae

Dear Pollen,
You suck ass and I am so sick and tired of sneezing my brains out. I look like I just smoked a joint and I have to go to work soon. Quit ruining this beautiful weather for me. Asshole.

GG

opalsky007

Dear FCPS:

You suck, on so many levels. But right now, you suck for continuing to destaff and shuffle around teachers rather than actually fixing your budget problems. No, destaffing doesn't equal firing, but it puts a black mark on your employees' resumes, and it doesn't get the students the resources they need either. My mom was resigning in a month to move to another state. Did you really need to tarnish her 15 years of service to the county by destaffing her for the third year in a row? No, you didn't. Please figure your shiit out.

jasmineh7777

Jess- Yeah, I kind of said it this morning, minus the "I was terrified of you" part. He wasn't pleased, and it was awkward.

Alexia- My Fi does this all the. Why do men want to cuddle when they aer full of germs? Ugh.

Pirata13

Dear Realtor/Maintenance Guy,

Um can you please let me know if we will have closet doors installed for move-in (this weekend)? At least in the bedroom?  I just really want a spot for my clothes where the cats won't decide to play with them and shred them to bits. I know we've been working on a lot, and there is still a lot to be done. But we did say before we rented that we'd absolutely want closet doors on in the bedroom by move-in. So let me know, thanks.

Dear Pirates,

Can you not get pummelled by the Brewers today like you have the past 2 days? Dad & I would like to see a win to go with this lovely day we're having.

Thanks,

Pirata