An un-engagement party?

xoxob

I am new to the e-board, hi!

I know that it is very poor etiquette to throw your own engagment party, showers, bach-parties, etc. So that isn't what my intention is. My mother wants to host a dinner in a restaurant in NYC this coming Sept/Oct for my parents, FI's parents, and our WP. That's it. Obviously everyone is allowed to bring their SOs.

The intention of this dinner is just to have everyone who is going to be involved in the wedding together for the first time. Our family and intended WP is spread out across the great USA.

IMHO, this sounds acceptable from an etiquette perspective. Am I wrong? Also, how do I handle the invitations? Should it be more casual? Should I just call everyone and be like "Dinner, for you!" FI is a graphic designer and he wants to design an invitation, to make everyone feel like we're putting effort into this. Instead of "Engagement Party" which evokes ideas of gifts and a lot of people, should we all an "Introduction Dinner", "Wedding Party Dinner", "Family Dinner"? Any ideas? Or...this really a no no?

xoxob

I am new to the e-board, hi!

I know that it is very poor etiquette to throw your own engagment party, showers, bach-parties, etc. So that isn't what my intention is. My mother wants to host a dinner in a restaurant in NYC this coming Sept/Oct for my parents, FI's parents, and our WP. That's it. Obviously everyone is allowed to bring their SOs.

The intention of this dinner is just to have everyone who is going to be involved in the wedding together for the first time. Our family and intended WP is spread out across the great USA.

IMHO, this sounds acceptable from an etiquette perspective. Am I wrong? Also, how do I handle the invitations? Should it be more casual? Should I just call everyone and be like "Dinner, for you!" FI is a graphic designer and he wants to design an invitation, to make everyone feel like we're putting effort into this. Instead of "Engagement Party" which evokes ideas of gifts and a lot of people, should we all an "Introduction Dinner", "Wedding Party Dinner", "Family Dinner"? Any ideas? Or...this really a no no?

AlexiaANDRobert

I'd probably just call it your engagement dinner party since it's hosted by your parents.  The invitations should be from your parents.  I really don't think it's a big deal if you guys design them.

That being said, is it typical for everyone to be willing to travel to NY for a dinner? IF they're spread out across the country, and if I was in your bridal party, I'd decline.  I don't have the funds to buy a plane ticket and find accommodations for a dinner.

danieliza1127

Actually, that's pretty much the definition of engagement party.  I don't see why you wouldn't call it that.

Are you expecting friends and wedding party members to travel in from out of town for this though?  That would be the only questionable thing I see.  Being a wedding party member out of state is already expensive because they'll have to fly in for the wedding and might try to fly in for a shower or bachelorette/bachelor weekend.  I wouldn't also expect them to fly in for an engagement party/dinner.  Just a thought.

xoxob

There is only one person who isn't in driving (albeit a few hours) distance. She usually comes home from LA in Sept anyway to visit her family in CT. She's been my best friend since we've been 6. So, I kind of proposed this to her, and she said that she would schedule her visit around the party and would be more than happen to come to NYC for a night. She's a doll!

Our friends love NYC (from Philly and DC) and so, we were obviously offering our apt as a crash pad and be like, "Hey guys, after dinner let's all go out and party and maybe do some site seeing the next day!" If anyone declines, I will be bummed, but I will totally understand.

I will have my Mom send the invitations. I just don't want anyone to bring a gift. How do I make that clear? I really want it to be about them, and not us.

Thanks for the insight. We also, even if the invites are coming from my mom, want to send out some "feelers" and see what is a good weekend for everyone, etc. Is this OK? I think we could have so much fun.

jennylove810

When I first read the title of this post, I thought it was going to be a party to celebrate a called-off engagement!

nda_roxybabe

Me too Jenny!

I think its definitely ok to call it an engagement party.

xoxob

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_un-engagement-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:93ab2933-64b4-4a8b-b209-ae5f263db2acPost:b578134d-29a1-4da2-a41b-0ce1be69026e">Re: An un-engagement party?</a>:
[QUOTE]When I first read the title of this post, I thought it was going to be a party to celebrate a called-off engagement!
Posted by jennylove810[/QUOTE]

OMG! That would be awful. Haha. Oh no, I guess...Alice in Wonderland influenced me more than I thought. You know "A very merry un-birthday"

AlexiaANDRobert

Oh okay, that sounds good then.

And yes, I think sending an email to everyone to ask for a few open weekends to help plan is a good idea.

And with the gift giving, IMO, you can't make it clear.  Don't include registry info, if anyone asks your mom or something you can have them say "The gift of your presence is gift enough!" Or something equally cheesy.  If this is for you in-laws and bridal party, someone is bound to bring a gift.  I wouldn't make a big deal about opening it in front of anyone though.

SarahnVinny

Maybe its just me, but if you are throwing this party on behalf of your bridal party, couldnt you call it a bridal-party dinner or something to that extent? In which case, it would be to honor/thank them for agreeing and  takeing the time to be part of your day and would lessen the chance of them bringing a gift.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

"A dinner party celebrating the engagement of..."

I also think if it is hosted at a restaurant, rather than a private home, people will be less likely to bring engagement gifts or hostess gifts. But if they do, oh well.

brookelynpaisley

I thought you were announcing something like a divorce party, too. I like Dani and MeryMac's suggestions. "A dinner party celebrating the engagement of..." would make me think that it's a more casual affair but still a celebration. Engagement party makes me think of cocktail dresses and a gift-affair.

ootmother2

It's NYC, people will bring gifts regardless.

saschaduran

I would just like to have your lips please.  Thank you.

bethziobro

I like what Sarah said about calling it a Bridal Party dinner or get-together...that way it doesn't sound as formal as an engagement party, but just a way for everyone to get together (Or meet for the first time if not everyone is acquainted already)

xoxob

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_un-engagement-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:93ab2933-64b4-4a8b-b209-ae5f263db2acPost:504af8d8-0a4b-4222-a6ce-74bca1c13b7e">Re: An un-engagement party?</a>:
[QUOTE]I would just like to have your lips please.  Thank you.
Posted by saschaduran[/QUOTE]

I need them? Thanks though ;)