How did you all get so smart?

meg65

I'll admit it: when I first got engaged, there was talk of honeymoon registries, B-lists, and cash bars. But when I came here and read about how rude those things are, we nixed those ideas.

Seven months into planning and I am basically an etiquette expert. But I see that some of you ladies have been here for years, have thousands of posts and an answer for everything. Did you, like me, just pick things up from the boards, or were you raised knowing these rules? Are you friends with a Miss Manners? Is it just common sense? How did you acquire your vast expanse of etiquette knowledge?

All I'm saying is, planning a wedding is a minefield of potential issues (first world problem!), and I'm glad SOMEONE knows what they're talking about and is willing to be honest about it. I know I mentioned the HM registry to a few people early on and they all thought it was a great idea, obviously just not wanting to tell me to my face how rude it is.

Rosie109

pills

Megbo2012

Some I knew, some I figured, and some I learned from the boards.

FutureMrsFezz

Magic.

annakb8

I grew up knowing most of this stuff. I think it's mainly common sense though. And I luckily grew up in a family/social circle that doesn't do too much tacky shiit so I didn't have to unlearn anything like dollar dances. 

ootmother2

I blame Grandma


Who gives a one year old E Post for a birthday present?  really

achiduck

I grew up knowing a bunch of stuff since I'm the youngest of the cousins on my moms side so I've been to all of their weddings, heard about the planning, etc.

Some of the more nitty gritty things like how to address an envelope properly, etc I picked up from the boards.

Megbo2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_did-smart?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:93eab230-dc95-4bf2-8f8c-387ca9df85b9Post:7cbee994-91a4-4f91-bd32-8af236e8124e">Re: How did you all get so smart?</a>:
[QUOTE]I blame Grandma Who gives a one year old E Post for a birthday present?  really
Posted by ootmother2[/QUOTE]

<div>Lol</div><div>
</div><div>I hadn't even heard of dollar dances til TK. </div>

FutureMrsFezz

I hadn't even heard of dollar dances or cash bars when I came to TK.  I thought open bar was what everyone did.  Sheltered much?

annakb8

Yeah, I had never heard of dollar dances either. 

Birdie1483

I was raised by wolves, so I credit lurking on here a bunch

achiduck

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_did-smart?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:93eab230-dc95-4bf2-8f8c-387ca9df85b9Post:7dccf6b0-412a-4cda-a4fe-dfdc671ce570">Re: How did you all get so smart?</a>:
[QUOTE]I hadn't even heard of dollar dances when I came to TK. Posted by FutureMrsFezz[/QUOTE]

Ditto. I had no clue what they were.

lyndausvi

Most of it was stuff I picked up from childhood and/or experience.

My family has booze and food at every function.   First birthday parties, thanksgiving,Mother's day, Sunday's at grandmas.  You never walked into a home for any reason and NOT be offered a drink or food (you didn't alway take it but it was ALWAYS offered.   90% of the time your preferred drink (alcoholic and non-alcoholic alike) was offered.    So it would never occur to me to have something like a cash bar at a wedding.   

While a full meal is NOT required if it's not a meal time, it's always meal time in my family, so yeah, skimping on food would not be something we did.   It doesn't matter if it's 12pm, 2pm, 4pm, 6pm or 8pm there was always at least the same quantity of food.

My family entertains by sitting around a table or in the living room.  So why would I not have enought seats?  

In general our social group give gifts at showers and money for weddings.  No need for registries in wedding invitations, HM registries or 'cute' poems asking for money.

Basically what I know is how I was brought up.  My grandma was on a fixed income, but it was very important to her to properly host guests.  So my cousins and I gave her cases of beer, gin, whiskey, etc for xmas presents.  So when she had company she could properly host.  She would be beside herself if someone came over and she didn't have any thing to offer them.   She always had cookies, puddings or crabcakes made up for guests who dropped in also.

StephBeanWed61502

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_did-smart?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:93eab230-dc95-4bf2-8f8c-387ca9df85b9Post:12deaf9b-e6df-46c8-adb0-bb9c46867dfb">Re: How did you all get so smart?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: How did you all get so smart? : Ditto. I had no clue what they were.
Posted by achiduck[/QUOTE]

I'm actually still not really clear on what happens during a dollar dance.  (Never seen one, and never heard of them at all before I started reading TK.)

aragx6

There were definitely some things I knew already such as formal correspondence should be handwritten and you shouldn't have registry cards in the invite -- I knew those because I had seen them correctly and incorrectly --  things that I had never heard of before TK such as dollar dances or money trees or stag and doe parties, and a few etiquette guidelines I learned from the Knot that are more wedding specific that I'd never really thought of before but notice now -- such as head tables and gaps that are essentially omnipresent in my circle.

aragx6

I'd never seen a money dance until the last wedding I was at -- we just hid in the back drinking until it was over :P

eorea

Most of it is common sense but I knew nothing about weddings. I actually found TK when I was googling for wedding questions I had. Most of my questions weren't etiquette related though. I thought I had to pay for BM dresses and I didn't know when to send out invitations. TK helped with those things. 

Serendipty11

Common sense and the way I was raised. I treat people and host guests the way I would like to be done. Also just because I am Cajun and from the South I don't use that as an excuse to do any tacky thing I want and say " Oh it's regional". That is a load of bull. Etiquette is etiquette no matter what everyone else is doing. 

specialk84

I knew most of it already, but the board helped when I second-guessed myself during invitation mailing time.

My mom grew up in a setting that didn't encourage knowledge of proper etiquette. She had a scholarship to a private, very expensive college where the other students all came from tremendous amounts of money. To fit in, she studied etiquette books like it was her job. Later in life, she worked for the Air Force and dealt primarily with high ranking officers, so she had to know proper etiquette and protocol.

In her effort to make life easy for me, she stressed etiquette at home.  At  nine, I was given a board game called Mind Your Manners. I was sent to etiquette classes, and even etiquette summer camp. As a college student, I've attended every etiquette luncheon my college offers.

ginadog

Apparently everything I was taught as a kid was improper etiquitte and I never knew til I came on here!

Sammy0709

I lurk but I thought I'd tell you what the dollar dance is. It's an old Polish tradition and it is supposed to be done to a polka. The bride dances with each guest and they put a dollar in the bag. After dancing with the bride they are supposed to form a ring around her. Once every guest has had a turn, the groom, who has been gone for the whole thing, must break the chain to get to his bride. They're still kind of big where I'm from because it's pretty much hickvilke where old traditions die hard. The only wedding I've been to that didn't have one was mine but I JOP'd so I guess that doesn't count.

CFM102012

Sammy, the first wedding that I went to that had a dollar dance did it the way you describe with one minor adjustment.  Guests paid their dollar, got a shot of alcohol from the groom then danced with the bride.  Then the whole chain thing.  

RaptorSLH

It's only common sense if you grew up around the issue.  

cebrady89

I know about etiquette from how I was raised, and I know a bit more about invitation etiquette from working in a stationery shop doing millions of wedding invitations every day.

There were a few things I'd never heard of before TK, but they seem to be regional or family things that most of us probably will never encounter, anyway.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_did-smart?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:93eab230-dc95-4bf2-8f8c-387ca9df85b9Post:77505569-cc71-4756-b5ac-587d84943042">Re: How did you all get so smart?</a>:
[QUOTE]I grew up knowing most of this stuff. I think it's mainly common sense though. And I luckily grew up in a family/social circle that doesn't do too much tacky shiit so I didn't have to unlearn anything like dollar dances. 
Posted by annakb8[/QUOTE]


Haha, same here. I hadn't even heard of dollar dances before I came here. My mom taught me not to put registry information on an invitation when I was 7 or so.

But some things that are more minor have been developed due to conversations here. For example, I swear that when I first came here people were advocating inviting social units who had been together for a year, or 6 months. But after other people advocated fewer, uh, cut-offs, the "party line" is now "in a relationship. Period." So I think some things change here, even, over time. Or an influx of people with certain etiquette knowlesge or information can sway our thinking.

RebeccaB88

I was raised by a traditional Southern mom, so as a kid I was routinely beat over the head with copies of Emily Post and Miss Manners.  I knew which fork went with what course before some of my friends had mastered using anything but their fingers as utensils.  (Yeah, they all thought I was the weird one.)  Things like please and thank you, a theatre voice, crossed ankles, situation appropriate attire, monogrammed thank you notes, etc, were just normal behaviors in our home.  More specific stuff like the dollar dance I picked up here, but based on my upbringing it all fit into place.