Friends won a big wedding...the day before ours

lineallowsfor

I'm getting married to a wonderful man in just about two months.  This weekend, two of our friends won an extravagant wedding...the night before our own small/simple/budget conscious wedding.  I'm feeling really diminished right now:  we won't be able to attend the wedding because it overlaps with our family reunion/rehearsal the night before; the friend is a groomsman in the wedding and was supposed to do a reading; most of the other groomsmen and many of the guests are mutual friends and now have to choose between the two events; the new wedding has everything from 200 guests to fireworks and ours...doesn't.
 
I have so many worries and feelings going though my head right now but two main concerns.  I'm afraid no one will come or people will be too hung over to attend our wedding and that ours just won't be as fun/exciting as the wedding the night before.  I'm just afraid in general!  I would love your advice about how to handle this situation in general.  Thanks, fellow knotties!

laladypoet

I understand that this is a crap-tastic situation. but believe it or not, most will not compare the two weddings. and of the few that do, some will prefer your less "in your face" wedding.
don't let it get you down. the people who you truly want to be there will be.

I'd feel the same way.

danieliza1127

Why would people have to chose one or the other?  If they aren't on the same day, then they'll probably go to both if they're in the same town.

It's okay to have all of the feelings you're having, or to feel a little deflated, but try to be happy for your friends and just remember what your wedding is really about - marrying your FI.  There's nothing else you can do.

danieliza1127

Also I don't think people will compare yours to theirs because they'll know you paid for yours and they won theirs.  There's a big difference there.

Night_Sprite

That sounds awful. Did you send STDs so people are aware of your wedding?

FutureMrsTR

I won't lie, I'd be bummed too.  But try to remember that your wedding is just that.  YOUR wedding.  At the end of the day you'll be married to that wonderful man and that's truly all that matters.

As far as people missing your wedding, is your wedding in the morning or evening?  Is it a Sunday and the other one is on a Saturday night?  I would hope that your good friends would make an effort to still attend yours in reasonable condition (not too hungover) or at least hide it well for your sake.

I do feel for you, but try to stay focused on what really matters

Stackeye210

Just think, you get to have a great wedding that will say everything you want it to say about you and your FI - while the other couple will have an over the top, unpersonalized wedding.  Sure the bells and whistles are nice, but you've got the intimate loving feeling that a lot of people like to capture on their wedding day. 

I wouldn't get yourself down and compare the two - it's apples to oranges. 

Be proud of your day that you planned.  I don't see anyone choosing one over the other because they are on different days. 

Free things would have been nice at our wedding, but I think planning it had a lot to do with how much I loved our day and why I'll remember it so fondly. 

redheadfsu

Yes, it stinks. Have a two second pity party and then get over it. People will come to yours. You will still have a great wedding.

temerityjane

Dude, bummer. I totally sympathsize. It seems like it would double suck because on one hand, you're totally happy for your friends, but on the other hand, you're kind of bummed about potential overshadowing of your own wedding.

Everyone who is here who IS already married always comes back with some form of advice saying "Oh, on that day, you won't even notice _______." As someone who is planning, that sounds impossible Of course I will notice! OF COURSE I WILL. But yet, they all come back saying "I thought this and this, but that day, it was the furthest thing from my mind."

It sounds impossible in the lead up to the wedding, but put as much trust as you can in the fact that on that particular day, you won't even cast this a thought. It'll probably be impossible not to dwell on it a little as your approach your own wedding, but try really hard to believe that it won't even matter a bit that day.

kikibaby

All of these other ladies said things better than I, so I'll just add that I think that sucks.  It's nobody's fault, it just sucks. But your wedding will be awesome no matter what, guaranteed.

lineallowsfor

Thanks knottie!  I am feeling better already.  I just needed to get this off my chest so badly!!!

About the STDs, yes, we sent them our around Christmas (got engaged August 2009) and we mailed our invites the week before they won the wedding.

frenchy730

Don't let this get you down.  It is an annoying situation, but the best thing you can do is be grown-up about it and go on being excited about your wedding and marriage.  Be excited for your friend, too.  That is very cool for them.

I think people will understand that wedding #1 is going to be over-the-top because it was a contest prize.  No one will expect the same thing at yours.  People who are going to be at  your wedding will be there to support and celebrate with you, not judge and compare events all night.

And  I would not worry a lot about people not showing up for yours after theirs.  People might be excited to have two fun events in one weekend.

Phoeber

I would honestly be really bummed out too.  But your guests aren't going to be comparing and judging your wedding.  You are going to be surrounded by people who love you.  Try not to let it get to you too much. 

loop0406

 it's your wedding and your special day, unique memories....you will be showing wedding pics to your children one day and I doubt you will bring up, remember or care that someone else's wedding was the night before....

ohwhynot

Aw, I feel for you!  But honestly?  I almost always think "less is more" when it comes to weddings, no matter who is paying.  I love simple, budget-minded weddings more than the type of wedding where fireworks would be appropriate.  

polichik

I can definitely see why you'd be bummed. I haven't been to as many weddings as most women on here, but I can tell you that what I remember from the weddings I've been to was the ceremony. Not fancy things at the ceremony, not the bride's shoes, but how the ceremony felt, what music they used, and how I cried because two people I cared about got married. Receptions are fun, but they're usually not why people come to the wedding. Try to focus as much as possible on your wedding. I'm sure it's already uniquely you, but if you've been thinking about DIY projects you love, now would be the time to work on them! Focus your energy on what's important to you and your FI about your wedding, and it'll be every bit as wonderful as you imagined and your guests will have a great time.

thesuninherhead

Like Dani, I'm wondering why people have to choose between the weddings if they're on separate days? Or was that in reference to your RD (that makes more sense).

 

I get being concerned about being hung over- that would be my main concern. It's a bad situation, but I'd try to approach it as though it's just a continuation of parties. There's not a lot else you can do, by the sounds of it.

thesuninherhead

Also, if it helps: As a guest, I would be far more impressed by the thought out wedding that matches the bride and grooms' style than I would be by the impersonal, oot wedding that was won.