Two Gifts?

whitney37354

If I am invited to a bridal shower & wedding and attend both, am I supposed to give a gift at both occasions?  I thought one was not supposed to bring a gift to the wedding. I know I've been to weddings where the "proper" things weren't done, however, most all weddings I've been to have gift tables for gifts & cards. One wedding, gifts were opened during the reception.  Just wanting to know what is the proper thing to do.

aurianna

If you go to a shower I'd definitely bring a gift as that's really the point of showers for the most part.

If you want to give the couple a wedding present and you'd prefer to give them a tangible gift, I'd have it mailed to their house.

If you want to give them a wedding gift of cash or a gift card, you could mail it to their house or most likely bring it to the reception (I think a card box is very mainstream these days)

Calypso1977

yes, you should bring gifts, but its fine to take whatever youve budgeted and divide by two.  meaning, if you can only afford to spend $100 on gifts, then divde that $100 between two gifts.

many choose to do a gift for the shower and then a card with money for the wedding.  but you can alwasy send a gift to the couple at their home or give it to them in person in advance of the wedding.

maggieandrey

While etiquette says you're not required to give a gift at the wedding, I typically give a physical gift at the shower, and a card with a check at the wedding. If I miss the shower, then I may bring a gift to the wedding, or I'll give a bigger check. I have never seen gifts opened at a reception.

zizibet

Technically, yes you giove gifts to both. For weddings, the etiquette rule is that you send the gift to the home of the bride before the wedding. In practice, that rarely happens, so you see gift tables and card boxes. Showers are specifically to give gifts to the bride as you know.
   That said, it's really up to you. If you can't afford two gifts, you can't.

rlavach

At the end of the day, you make the decision. But around here, you bring gifts to both events.

Loopyseven

A shower is by definition, a gift giving event.  

Gifts  (physical, or monetary) are optional for the actual wedding, but traditionally, people bring a gift to both, or a physical gift to the shower and a monetary gift to the wedding in a card.  It is not required to give one for the wedding, unless you want to.  All etiquette says about gifts at a wedding, is that you have up to a year after the nuptuals to send one - if you are inclined to send one.  

whitney37354

Obvoiusly in our little hillybilly/redneck burg (which I love, was born in, & hope to die in), we are behind the times in etiquette.....here you give a gift at the shower, or you give a gift at the wedding if you didn't attend the shower, but not both. 

I want to "do the right thing", so I thank you for the responses.

MattsPenguin

Whitney, where I grew up we gave presents at both.  However my DH is from East Tennessee.  My MIL informed me that down in TN, the shower is where people give the gifts and not the wedding.  I'd do what you're comfortable with.  Obviously, if you go to a shower, I wouldn't go empty handed.

twotimemob

I think a shower is called a "shower" because you shower someone with gifts.  I've always given a gift for the shower and for the wedding.

whitney37354

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_two-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:996225ee-60e4-482b-a6d9-9dfd8ddbf74fPost:2f6af97e-2889-4c10-b83e-b8e1bcffff86">Re: Two Gifts?</a>:
[QUOTE]Whitney, where I grew up we gave presents at both.  However my DH is from East Tennessee.  My MIL informed me that down in TN, the shower is where people give the gifts and not the wedding.  I'd do what you're comfortable with.  Obviously, if you go to a shower, I wouldn't go empty handed.
Posted by MattsPenguin[/QUOTE]

We're from the same part of the state then.  I would never go to a shower empty handed.  If I couldn't give a gift, I wouldn't go!  I just wanted to know if it was customary to give a gift at weddings everywhere except where I live.  I guess it is!

Thanks for all the responses.