Kids at the Wedding..

oshamal

Both my fiancé and I have sister(s) with girls, in the flower girl range:
Gianna - 2
Molly - 6
Bailey - 8

We think our sisters will have much more fun without the kids at the reception.

Questions:

1. Do all three girls have to be flower girls?
2. Can they be in the ceremony and then not the reception?
3. What if we provide a baby sitter for all of the kids? Movie and Pizza?

Help!

Sorry thought I would add that we don't want kids at the wedding, and yes if these girls would come they would be the only kids.

squirrly

Flower girls are not required.

I think excluding your neices from the reception is pretty cold.  Why not make it the parents' choice?

Finally, if they're in the ceremony, you should really, really invite them to the reception.  You can provide a babysitter and pizza, but make it the parents choice whether to utilize that or not.

texagj

No they don't all have to be flowergirls. You don't even have to have one reallly. Its up to you.

I don't think its a good idea to exclude them from the reception.I think you should leave it up to the parents. The babysitter idea is nice but you should present it to the parents as an option.

ehathewa

Squirrly is smart.  Listen to her. 

Also, if I were 6 or 8, I would probably be upset if I wasn't invited to the big fancy party and had to stay home. 

AllAboutTheBenjamin

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kids-wedding-7?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9986ed79-0a16-42d3-a846-2b8509d2fd2bPost:279b066a-99fd-4cfa-b7cc-cae66dd2d655">Kids at the Wedding..</a>:
[QUOTE]Both my fiancé and I have sister(s) with girls, in the flower girl range: Gianna - 2 Molly - 6 Bailey - 8 <strong>We think our sisters will have much more fun without the kids at the reception.</strong> Questions: 1. Do all three girls have to be flower girls? 2. Can they come to the ceremony and then not the reception? 3. What if we provide a baby sitter for all of the kids? Movie and Pizza? Help!
Posted by oshamal[/QUOTE]

I know you think that... but that's an assumption you probably shouldn't make.  Lots of people don't like going anywhere without their kids, and even though you're offering a babysitter - they might not be comfortable leaving their children with someone they don't know very well.

And no they don't have to be flower girls, unless you want them to.

Are they the only kids invited to the wedding? 

mgietler76

I agree with squirrly, let them decide if they want their children at the reception. My MOH's son is our ringbearer and I told her to bring him but she declined saying they would both have more fun if wasn't there.  Especially since there aren't any other children coming.

tpender13

We skipped FG/RBs precisely because we didn't want to cause drama. My sister has four kids, three of which would be in the right age range. But my sister and I aren't getting along right now, and I'm closer w/my best friend and her kids.

I don't see how you could pick one and not all three w/out feelings being hurt. I would talk to the sisters ahead of time and see how they feel. If it were me, I would invite them to the reception.

opalsky007

It's not necessary to have them as flower girls, but if you do, I think they should be able to attend the reception unless the parents have a really strong reason for not having them there. It would stink to miss out on the big party.

Why don't you ask your sisters what they want? They might be uncomfortable with not having their kids there, or with leaving them with a stranger.

Beachy730

You could definitely get away with having no FG, or choosing just one.  Is there one that you are closer to or have a special connection with?  My FG was my only young girl cousin, but since there's lots of younger boys I chose my Godson as RB and nobody wondered why I chose him. 

Is your main concern about not wanting to invite the kids really that you think your sisters will have more fun?  If thats the case, invite them and let your sisters decide.  Or do you really just want no kids at your wedding?  If you want no kids that fine, thats your choice.  But don't decide for your sisters that they would have more fiun without their kids.

alainn15

I remember being in a wedding around this age. We went to the reception for a while, then my mom took us home and went back so they could hang out and have fun. She had a babysitter on the ready for a certain time. This was just a few miles from our house tho, so it was easy for her to do, and was in no way planned by the bride.

banana468

Unless their children are like my friend's nieces and nephews - and they had an adult reception BECAUSE of those children, I'd leave it up to your siblings on whether or not to invite the kids to the wedding.

To answer your questions:

1. They don't all need to be FGs - but if you're going to have one be a FG, I'd ask all to be.

2. You can't invite anyone to the ceremony and not to the reception - kids included.

3. If you're providing a babysitter for all kids then you shouldn't have any in the wedding.  As far as food goes, I'd indicate what you plan to serve on the invitation insert along with the qualifications of your babysitters.

akhensley81

I agree with PPs that you should ask the parents what they think. And that is, IF you want flower girls at all.

My niece - who's 7 - was my FG. She was invited to the reception and we had a seat there for her, and at the last minute my sister decided that she didn't want to bring her to the reception.

This caused a mini-meltdown from the 7-year-old an hour before the ceremony. Then she pouted and sulked through the whole ceremony. She's not smiling in the non-pro pics I've seen so far... I'm hoping she pulled out a smile for the pro pics on the altar (the photographer was really trying to get everyone to smile). I'll find out when I see them.

But yeah, definitely check with the parents.

ekilzer1

You don't have to have a FG, however if you do and only want one FG just go with the oldest- there should be no questions asked and you aren't playing favorites. My FI and I have 5 nephews.... so we are kind of in a similar boat, we will likely just skip the RB and FG altogether, but when we were still considering the idea we decided the oldest is just the fairest way to go... 

I would leave everything else up to your sisters with regard to bringing the children. They should certainly be invited to the reception- it is up to their parents whether or not the accept the invitation for the children. Certainly have something planned for the children if they do come to the reception. 

Beachy730

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kids-wedding-7?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:9986ed79-0a16-42d3-a846-2b8509d2fd2bPost:dc367911-2398-4da0-8450-6e5111b35074">Re: Kids at the Wedding..</a>:
[QUOTE]This caused a mini-meltdown from the 7-year-old an hour before the ceremony. Then she pouted and sulked through the whole ceremony. She's not smiling in the non-pro pics I've seen so far... I'm hoping she pulled out a smile for the pro pics on the altar (the photographer was really trying to get everyone to smile). I'll find out when I see them. But yeah, definitely check with the parents.
Posted by akhensley81[/QUOTE]

Haha my RB fell asleep during our long Catholic ceremony and we had to wake him up after for pictures.  He is not smiling in a single picture no matter how hard we tried.  We have lots of him smiling though coming dwn the ceremony and at the reception though at least.

akhensley81

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kids-wedding-7?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:9986ed79-0a16-42d3-a846-2b8509d2fd2bPost:9220618d-acc1-4c7b-af92-d32f5a2d5901">Re: Kids at the Wedding..</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Kids at the Wedding.. : Haha my RB fell asleep during our long Catholic ceremony and we had to wake him up after for pictures.  He is not smiling in a single picture no matter how hard we tried.  We have lots of him smiling though coming dwn the ceremony and at the reception though at least.
Posted by dnbeach12[/QUOTE]

See, I had been waffling about a FG for this exact reason. But I'm a sucker for my niece, and she BEGGED me to do it. So I told her it was fine. When my sister told her that she wasn't going to the reception, FG came to me and asked me if she could come (trying to play me against my sister, I think). I told her it was up to her mother. That's when she started BAWLING.

It was right while I was trying to get my dress on and get ready, and I had to ask my sister to "please deal with this." I felt like such a biitch. Hehe.

After that I forgot / got over the whole thing, but I noticed she was sulking in the photos. And I did notice while we were doing photos in the church after the ceremony that she had picked a ton of petals off the flowers in her basket and thrown them all over the floor around her seat (church had a "no throwing petals" rule, so she had a basket with a couple of sunflowers arranged in it).

Someone had cleaned it up by the next time I looked over there, I don't even know who. Hehe.

Beachy730

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kids-wedding-7?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:9986ed79-0a16-42d3-a846-2b8509d2fd2bPost:f43f7b3b-de87-42e6-a581-17232f32fb3c">Re: Kids at the Wedding..</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Kids at the Wedding.. : See, I had been waffling about a FG for this exact reason. But I'm a sucker for my niece, and she BEGGED me to do it. So I told her it was fine. When my sister told her that she wasn't going to the reception, FG came to me and asked me if she could come (trying to play me against my sister, I think). I told her it was up to her mother. That's when she started BAWLING. It was right while I was trying to get my dress on and get ready, and I had to ask my sister to "please deal with this." I felt like such a biitch. Hehe. After that I forgot / got over the whole thing, but I noticed she was sulking in the photos. And I did notice while we were doing photos in the church after the ceremony that she had picked a ton of petals off the flowers in her basket and thrown them all over the floor around her seat (church had a "no throwing petals" rule, so she had a basket with a couple of sunflowers arranged in it). Someone had cleaned it up by the next time I looked over there, I don't even know who. Hehe.
Posted by akhensley81[/QUOTE]

Thats funny.  Yeah ours also had a no petals rule so I had a pomander made for my FG.  We had no problems with kids other than that though luckily, and we had 5 kids at the whole thing age 5 and under.  They are all my first cousins and I couldn't have imagined my wedding without them.  Haha they were a blast in the photo booth too. 

sarabellam

ak, I think your sister was completely douchetastic for pulling that on both her daughter and on you. She should have expected that reaction.

tenofcups4me

The first time I got married, we invited our 5 nieces and nephews to be in the wedding ceremony. We didn't invite any other kids and quite honestly didn't want any kids at the reception -- they were all young enough that their parents and our parents would have had to spend most of the evening looking after them.

The ceremony and reception were at a historic mansion that had a couple of large rooms upstairs, one for the bride and one for the groom. So we got a sitter to stay with the kids upstairs in the groom's room. We stocked it with toys and a TV with DVR, and had food sent up for them all. The kids came down to say hi, but spent most of their time up there (there was no specific table or seats set up for them downstairs). The sitter was someone who worked at my niece's daycare so she was someone who was known and trusted, and had experience with children.

The kids enjoyed it and the parents were able to relax and enjoy the reception while also having the security of knowing their kids were onsite and being able to pop upstairs once or twice to check in. Worked well for us.

The sitter was also present during the ceremony to look after my niece. Niece was flowergirl, but didn't stand up with us after she walked down the aisle. Since her parents and her grandparents (my parents) were all standing up with us, it was good to have someone there with her in case she needed to go to the bathroom or had any sort of meltdown or anything else came up. We didn't want to ask any other family to look after her since we didn't want to risk anyone else close having to leave the ceremony if necessary.

mgietler76

When my friend told her son he was going to be the RB he got really upset and said "I can't!! I don't have any rings!!!" But after we explained that we would give him some he was so excited and said he was going to sing the scooby-doo theme song all the way down the isle. I actually hope he does because that would be so adorable.

suprwumn83

Well I can speak from personal experience on this one..
My step-brother just got married. He had his brother (my other step-brother) as his BM and his nieces (ages 3 & 6) as his FG's.
I wasn't invited to the wedding because I don't appreciate how he has treated my step-dad (his dad) and made it clear to him and his wife how I felt about a year ago. So we are not on speaking terms.
Anyway... They did not allow children in their reception either. To help my other step-brother (BM), I agreed to babysit the girls after the ceremony. I had to drive nearly an hour away to meet my SIL to pick up the girls and take them to my home. SIL missed her husband's toast to the B&G because she had to go out of her way to drop her kids off with me.
I think it is extremely disrespectful and inconsiderate to make someone who has gone out of their way to allow their children to be a part of your wedding to have to make alternate plans because the children you just had to have in your wedding are not welcome to the celebration. (That is not directed toward you OP, just letting you know how people on the other side feel).
Good luck with everything!

akhensley81

sara & jcb- My sister is... well, her very own breed of special. Somehow it didn't occur to her until the day of that she might want to drink & party at the reception, and that it might not be the best idea to bring her 7-year-old daughter. I thought it was pretty douchetastic of her too. I felt soooo bad for my niece. But there was nothing I could do about it, and I definitely wasn't going to be the one to deal with it right at that moment.

Oh, and just for reference sake... this is the same sister who nearly missed ordering her BM dress in time for the wedding. The one who spends $200 a month on pot but complained that the $130 dress was going to be hard to afford, after she had nearly 8 months to figure out how to pay for it.

oshamal

Thanks everyone for your help.
I have no idea what we are going to do!

O'Mally

mrscarter052011

Ditto the PP's that say talk to the sisters.  My DD (she was 3) was a FG in my friend's wedding.  Her and my friend's niece were the only kids.  DD got ready with the "girls", did pictures, the ceremony and was introduced at the reception and then my mom came to get her so I could enjoy the night.  So there may be options depending on how far they live from the venue. 

But as other posters have mentioned it is not necessary to have a FG. Hope that helps.