Wedding Etiquette Forum

Was it worth it?

Let me work it. Nah, just kidding. This sort of came up in a thread last night. I know a lot of people had a really good experience planning their weddings and that things aren't really stressful unless you let them get that way. That's not the case with me. I'm at least partially to blame for some of the stress. I have successfully made myself into a crazy person over this wedding. I'm worried about something constantly. Sometimes it's major stuff, sometimes it's not. I'm not a planner, I'm not good at this, and it hasn't been a pleasant experience for me. So, if planning your wedding made you want to bash your brains in during, was it worth it to you after the wedding? Were you glad you went through all the BS?
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Re: Was it worth it?

  • I told Mr P the night before the wedding that I wished we had just gone to Vegas and called it a day. The day after the wedding I looked at him and said, "Well that was fun!"

    (PS, I was still talking about the wedding in the second part of that story. Not that I looked at him after sexy time and said that was fun. Although it was. Just sayin.)
  • edited October 2010
    Sort of. Like you, I was super laid back. I didn't want to stress about anything. Well, about 2 months before the wedding, I realized my "laid backness" translated into not actually getting done a lot of things I suddenly wanted to get done. But it also helped me go with the flow a little better when things went wrong. Cause at every wedding, things inevitably do go wrong, so I was pretty okay with it. People actually said I was really calm all day.

    I will say that when they tell you it was a blur, that's true. Looking back, the whole thing was one big blur!

    Edit: Oh, yeah, to answer your question: Oliver and I had a great time and everyone else seemed to as well. So yes, it was worth it. Still a lot of time and money to spend on anything, but our wedding really rocked.
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  • Nope. I'm not the best person to ask, though.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_worth-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:99a9348c-92bf-4161-9ab1-df1e383a4247Post:0a118c91-6cf2-4978-b902-7bd157d3560e">Re: Was it worth it?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Sort of. Like you, I was super laid back. I didn't want to stress about anything. Well, about 2 months before the wedding,<strong> I realized my "laid backness" translated into not actually getting done a lot of things I suddenly wanted to get done</strong>. But it also helped me go with the flow a little better when things went wrong. Cause at every wedding, things inevitably do go wrong, so I was pretty okay with it. People actually said I was really calm all day. I will say that when they tell you it was a blur, that's true. Looking back, the whole thing was one big blur!
    Posted by msmerymac[/QUOTE]
    That's been my problem. I keep thinking I have all this time and uh, I don't. We're a month away. I have a tendency to avoid things when I don't know how to do them or don't want to do them. Or don't have an opinion on them.

    And I knew from the get-go that my wedding would be a series of small disasters. That's how my life works.
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  • LoopysevenLoopyseven member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited October 2010
    There was a point the week before the wedding (when FI dropped the unity candle I spent a week gluing beads and sparkles to - perfecting my scripted "D" and the bottom cracked off and the beads went flying) when I just said FUUCK it.   I'm DONE.  Just go buy one.  A feeling of immense relief after the final walk through 3 days before the wedding when we dropped off all our programs, decorations, centerpieces, etc.  
    But mostly I enjoyed the planning and the projects that I took on to make it special for us.  Having DH tell me afterward "thank you for all the work you did to make this day magical for us" made it worth it.  And we had a kick ass party and had a GREAT time.  So yeah, it was worth it.
  • I love planning.  Loved it.

    If I could do it again it would be a guest list of 30 people MAX and we'd have had a nice dinner in my favourite restaurant.  Still have a photographer, maybe 2 bridesmaids, white dress, cake.  Music for a couple dances.  But, yeah, that's it. 

    I wish I could do a do-over.

    in like 3-8 years I think we're going to go to Jamaica and do a renewal on the beach just the two of us.

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  • I leave for Jamaica to get married in 14 days and I haven't done jack.  I mean I should be doing stuff (I think) and I get stressed thinking about doing stuff so then I just don't do it because it's easier that way.   I have a dress, a groom & wedding bands so we should be ok.  I am practically eloping since only handful of people are coming and yet I still wish we would have just done it alone because I keep worrying that people won't have a good time or the food will suck or it will be really hot and everyone will hate me for sweating.

    AND to make the situation even more stressful, FI's dad passed awayCry so he never will get to see us married or be a grandpa someday.  BUT if there is a brightside to his passing, we definitely want to have a baby sooner than later (who would have thought, I only like dogs!) life is too short LC so just enjoy the family time & memories you'll make at your wedding.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_worth-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:99a9348c-92bf-4161-9ab1-df1e383a4247Post:c533b8c8-d044-4f72-a2e0-078544173bb3">Re: Was it worth it?</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>don't worry you can always do a do over!!</strong> LC what's stressing you the most? You have a venue, food, dress, DJ and groom, right? everything else is just details.
    Posted by vallyhoo[/QUOTE]
    I will die before I plan another farking wedding.

    I've got the major details ironed out. Paying for it all on schedule is stressing me out. The email from my florist asking about flower shite is stressing me out. I don't think "I DON'T CARE ABOUT THE FLOWERS. DO WHATEVER YOU WANT," would be an appropriate reply. But what stresses me out the most is that I feel like all this is completely unnecessary. I feel guilty for spending so much of my parents money on a stupid party. They offered to pay for it, but that doesn't assuage my guilt over it any.  And I'm even more scared that I will have spent all this money and even after the wedding, still feel like it was all for naught.
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  • [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Was it worth it? : I'm glad you said something. I have a sneaking suspicion that even after it's all said and done, I still won't find any of the planning, squabbling, and worrying I did was in any way useful. I'm scared after all this hoopla, I'll still wish we would've just gone to the courthouse.
    Posted by laurenclaire1386[/QUOTE]

    Honestly, I do wish we'd gone to the courthouse (or the beach with a witness or two), but I was not the type to want a big wedding to start with, and that's exactly what we ended up with. I think as long as you're happy with your decisions along the way (I could tell that as we were making choices that it was shaping up into something I hadn't really envisioned), you'll end up being happy with the overall production. I don't regret our wedding, really, but it was definitely just a blip in our life, as opposed to THE DAY TO END ALL DAYS.

    Having said that, the whole she-bang made all the parents happy, so we have that going for us.
  • I actually told my florist exactly that, and my DOC: JUST SO WHAT LOOKS GOOD.

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  • Did you want the kind of wedding you're having initially, or were you pressured into it (by family, FI, your own feeling about what you "should" do)? I think the answer to that influences whether you'll feel like it was worth it.

    A friend intially said she wanted to JOP and then go to dinner at a restaurant with a small group. She then decided to do a bigger, more lavish wedding and was excited about it - there were several reasons for this, and it seemed like what she really wanted (he had been married before and was happy to do whatever she wanted). Now she says she wishes she'd just done the JOP, I think in part because they spent a crapton of money and in part because I think she was expecting everything to be totally perfect, and of course it wasn't. If you're doing what you wanted and have realistic expectations, I would guess that afterward you'll have enjoyed yourself, even if you never want to do it again.
  • [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Was it worth it? : I will die before I plan another farking wedding. I've got the major details ironed out. Paying for it all on schedule is stressing me out. The email from my florist asking about flower shite is stressing me out. I don't think "I DON'T CARE ABOUT THE FLOWERS. DO WHATEVER YOU WANT," would be an appropriate reply. But what stresses me out the most is that I feel like all this is completely unnecessary. I feel guilty for spending so much of my parents money on a stupid party. They offered to pay for it, but that doesn't assuage my guilt over it any.  And I'm even more scared that I will have spent all this money and even after the wedding, still feel like it was all for naught.
    Posted by laurenclaire1386[/QUOTE]

    Yeah, I also wish I could have that $15K back to have used for our down payment, or even just to have saved it (even though we're bad savers, so it'd be gone by now anyway).

    Oh well, live and learn.

    Bottom line: your wedding is what you make it. So just keep the end in sight and when it gets here, just have fun.
  • and about the money aspect, you have to let that go. your parents are doing it because they want to and I can tell you that my parents had the MOST FUN at my wedding, like, ever.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_worth-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:99a9348c-92bf-4161-9ab1-df1e383a4247Post:177b5c0a-758e-4ddd-8179-013a80a0002e">Re: Was it worth it?</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>Did you want the kind of wedding you're having initially, or were you pressured into it (by family, FI, your own feeling about what you "should" do)? I think the answer to that influences whether you'll feel like it was worth it.</strong> A friend intially said she wanted to JOP and then go to dinner at a restaurant with a small group. She then decided to do a bigger, more lavish wedding and was excited about it - there were several reasons for this, and it seemed like what she really wanted (he had been married before and was happy to do whatever she wanted). Now she says she wishes she'd just done the JOP, I think in part because they spent a crapton of money and in part because I think she was expecting everything to be totally perfect, and of course it wasn't. If you're doing what you wanted and have realistic expectations, I would guess that afterward you'll have enjoyed yourself, even if you never want to do it again.
    Posted by emilyinchile[/QUOTE]
    I'm really torn on this. I really do look forward to the traditional dad walking me down the aisle, first dance, typical wedding-y stuff. But a part of me also says that I would have been just as happy to have my immediate family in a really small ceremony and go to a nice dinner afterward. The end result is the same: being legally wed. And as trite and insincere as it sounds, that's all I really want.
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  • Yes and no.  It was a whole lot of planning and money for event.  It was beautiful and fun, and hopefully  pictures we have will keep the memories fresh.  And it was lovely seeing friends and family that we don't see often.

    But it did occur to me  that this marriage had better work out, because I"m not planning another wedding.  If I have a daughter, I might just try to convince her to elope.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_worth-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:99a9348c-92bf-4161-9ab1-df1e383a4247Post:33116114-124f-459e-9435-918093a383a8">Re: Was it worth it?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Was it worth it? :  The email from my florist asking about flower shite is stressing me out. I don't think "I DON'T CARE ABOUT THE FLOWERS. DO WHATEVER YOU WANT," would be an appropriate reply.
    Posted by laurenclaire1386[/QUOTE]

    <div>I sent my florist some pictures of bouquets I liked from online, a copy of the invitation graphics, a swatch of the fabric from the bridesmaids dresses and told her to go to town keep it under XX amount of dollars.  And I LOVED my flowers...</div>
  • I don't know.  I wish I could have done it without any input from family, but they were paying so that's how it goes.  I wish we would have done something really small and saved the money H's parents were giving us.  But I know my mom would have pitched a fit that her extended family wasn't invited.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_worth-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:99a9348c-92bf-4161-9ab1-df1e383a4247Post:226c8a80-3c32-4f6a-ba8d-4f003bba5e27">Re: Was it worth it?</a>:
    [QUOTE]LC, since your parents are paying - I really think it will all be worth it to them. My parents were a mess on my wedding day. It was really probably the best day of THEIR lives.
    Posted by msmerymac[/QUOTE]
    Thank you, and Vally, for saying this. If it's worth it to them, then it's worth it to me.
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    Whatever you hatters be hattin. -Tay Prince
  • Thanks LC, in a weird way I am relieved it happened before we left rather than while we were away.  FI is taking it really hard and I am terrible at consoling people, I never know what to say. 
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  • megk8ozmegk8oz member
    First Comment
    edited October 2010
    I think if you just focus on the fact that everything left is basically "little details" and will not matter at all, you might feel a bit better. With things like your florist, yeah saying "Flowers are stupid, do whatever the f*ck you want" might not be the best approach ... but can't you just say something like "These are the colors, this is your budget: just make it work"?

    FWIW, we had a semi-traditional, 100 guest wedding. Not going to lie, my venue did 90% of the work for me: I pretty much just had to invite people, get dressed and show up that day. I wouldn't have had it any other way. I don't regret anything now and I never felt like "I just want to get this over with" during the planning process ... but if we went with a place where we had to make tons of nit-picky decisions and deal with tons of different vendors, I honestly don't think I'd be able to say the same thing. 

    Example: favors were one of the few things we had to take care of on our own, and my mother and I near killed each other over just that. I may have spent my wedding day in prison if I had to take care of much more than that.

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  • The ceremony?  Yes.  I wouldn't have changed that for the world even with all the stressing and freakage I had about it.  The reception, on the other hand, I would have done differently.  I stressed and stressed and wasn't happy with how it turned out and so I didn't feel like it was worth it.  I also went through a lot of trouble to plan out everyone getting together beforehand to get ready and I kind of got shafted by the BMs, so once again, it wasn't worth it.

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  • And I'm so sorry, Pink, but I remember you being worried about it happening while you were away and at least your FI gets his time to grieve.  That's so hard, though, I can't imagine.
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  • "Do whatever you want" is a perfectly appropriate response, imo.  That's exactly what I told the people who did my flowers: "here's my budget. Here's a swatch of fabric from my dress.  Go." 

    Some things really don't matter to you - don't try to force yourself to care about them.  Let them go.  The stuff that you ARE looking forward to will be really special. 
  • I agree with Nuggs. Loved my ceremony. I don't want to talk about my reception.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_worth-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:99a9348c-92bf-4161-9ab1-df1e383a4247Post:0a118c91-6cf2-4978-b902-7bd157d3560e">Re: Was it worth it?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Sort of. Like you, I was super laid back. I didn't want to stress about anything.<strong> Well, about 2 months before the wedding, I realized my "laid backness" translated into not actually getting done a lot of things I suddenly wanted to get done. </strong>But it also helped me go with the flow a little better when things went wrong. Cause at every wedding, things inevitably do go wrong, so I was pretty okay with it. People actually said I was really calm all day. I will say that when they tell you it was a blur, that's true. Looking back, the whole thing was one big blur! Edit: Oh, yeah, to answer your question: Oliver and I had a great time and everyone else seemed to as well. So yes, it was worth it. Still a lot of time and money to spend on anything, but our wedding really rocked.
    Posted by msmerymac[/QUOTE]


    Uh yes.  That's me and my wedding is this weekend.  I still have to finish up escort cards, programs, seating arrangements.  I'm kinda having a "damn, I should not have put this off" moment, but I keep telling myself everything works out in the end.

    My family is worrying about every little detail and I remind them, "at the end of the day, when all is said and done, I will be married.  That's what matters most."
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_worth-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:99a9348c-92bf-4161-9ab1-df1e383a4247Post:e2f1d2f7-e717-4e5b-b437-613db1cc08f5">Re: Was it worth it?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I agree with Nuggs. Loved my ceremony. I don't want to talk about my reception.
    Posted by georgia_bride09[/QUOTE]

    I think I can honestly say that the only things I loved from my reception was the food, the cupcakes, the favors, and the DJ.  Everything else including the venue I ranged from ambivalent to downright pissy.
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  • I wish I had spent less money.  But, other than that... I wouldn't take it back for the world.  It was a fantastic day and H and I really enjoyed it.  I wouldn't do the courthouse, even in retrospect, because I know my parents enjoyed seeing us get married.  (Well, maybe I'd not invite H's family- they all seemed unhappy to be there).
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  • I had a great experience actually. I won't say there weren't times I was a little stressed, but I really started planning and working on things immediately. I made tons of stuff, but I enjoy doing that. I stayed on a good timeline and I really didn't get too stressed. No one was at each other's throats about anything, we had things pretty well under control. I loved it!
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  • I'm two and a half weeks out...and I'm wishing we could do the whole reception different.  Spend a LOT less money, invite fewer people, the whole thing.  But the ceremony?  I'm SO excited, and I wouldn't change a thing about it.
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  • I wish I had stuck to my original plan and eloped. 

    I'm not married yet, but I already know it won't be worth the money, time and energy spent. 

    The marriage yes, that will be worth it, but not the wedding.
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