MOH not answering my calls

blehsm

I got engaged september 2010, and we are getting married this august. We chose a little bit longer engagement because we did not want to be rushed and I wanted to enjoy the planning process without going crazy (which I think I have succeeded at while having a full-time career and going back to school to continue my education before I start a family). Anyways! My MOH is a bit larger in the chest area than the other bridesmaids. So when I found the dress that I wanted my girls to wear, i told her the go ahead and order it first and see if it fits okay for her. If it doesn't then she could return it and I will find something else that suits her body better. This was back in late September, and she still has not ordered it. I'm really getting nervous bc I need to match the guys ties to the dress as well as a few other things, but I cannot do this until I know that it is for sure the dress they will be wearing. Every time I text or call her about it (about once every two to three weeks) she ignores my messages. In the mean time my other bridesmaids are wondering what's going on and they need to get theirs in case they need alterations (it's online purchase only). She also is designing my invitations, and every time I call her about that, she answers. For all the work she has put into them, i have offered to pay for her dress as a way of saying thank you. What should I do?

HockeyFan4

call about the invites and ask about the dress?

ACKHillaryP

It seems like she has some kind of issue with the dress. I think you should be up front with her and ask her whats up. Maybe it is the money? maybe it is the dress? I would just ask her..if she will not answer calls or texts, maybe you can email her? or get her on the phone about the invitations and then ask her about the dress... this is important stuff and you need to know whats goin on with her

Loopyseven

How does she know if you're calling about the invites or the dress?  Do you use different numbers depending on what you want to talk to her about?

ggirl2001

Do you call her about anything else besides invitations and the dress? 

blehsm

I do ask her when I see her or when I call her about invitations, and she always just says that she is ordering it soon. I just said to let me know when she does and if it works for her, and I will give her the cash for it.

NOLAbridealmost

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_moh-not-answering-calls?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9a719beb-3e44-4a89-9d3f-5058c5a0bf7aPost:9fa7cfcf-cd53-474b-a180-f0e1f6aabae4">Re: MOH not answering my calls</a>:
[QUOTE]call about the invites and ask about the dress?
Posted by HockeyFan4[/QUOTE]

<div>That was my thought too.  Your friend must be psychic if she can tell the difference in the phone calls. </div><div>
</div><div>Seriously though, when you <em>do </em>get her on the phone, just tell her she has until X date to order the dress if she wants the veto power otherwise you're giving the other BMs the go ahead to order the dress that you've picked out. </div>

melntaitt

I'm with Ggirl; this wedding business gets us all wrapped up and out of sorts and we lose touch with those we love especially when we suddenly only have convos about random wedding stuff.

I know this is REALLY important stuff to you, but try to get back in touch with your MOH on a personal note. Just dinner, drinks w/o the W word.

I was guilty of this really early in the planning process because I was really excited; but I think it put up some walls with my MOH when all I wanted to do was talk about wedding stuff. So I stopped; I didn't call her and tell her that I was doing it, but I started coming around more and hanging out with the kids, having dinner with her and her husband again and not mentioning the W-word. Now, she's much happier about talking wedding stuff than earlier on in the planning process.

blehsm

That's what I'll probably end up doing if I don't here anything about the dress soon, I just feel bad because I want to make sure she is comfortable.

NOLAbridealmost

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_moh-not-answering-calls?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9a719beb-3e44-4a89-9d3f-5058c5a0bf7aPost:09ff6d5c-6d48-4996-93e3-20e0d018f7d0">Re: MOH not answering my calls</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: MOH not answering my calls : This is what I would do too.  It's really nice that you want to let her try it out for her body type <strong>but she shouldn't leave your other girls hanging.</strong>
Posted by edielaura[/QUOTE]

<div>She better get on it or else it's gonna be <em>her</em> girls that are hanging. <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-wink.gif" border="0" alt="Wink" title="Wink" /></div>

HockeyFan4

your BM's can all get that dress....since it is your MOH she can have a different dress if she wants.

kate2188

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_moh-not-answering-calls?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9a719beb-3e44-4a89-9d3f-5058c5a0bf7aPost:a586d923-f664-451c-9cef-b08e28baa9c2">Re: MOH not answering my calls</a>:
[QUOTE]How does she know if you're calling about the invites or the dress?  Do you use different numbers depending on what you want to talk to her about?
Posted by Loopyseven[/QUOTE]

<div>HA. This is exactly what I was thinking when I read the OP. I'm amazed at the MOH's special talents.</div><div>
</div><div>OP, I agree with edielaura, if she is being unresponsive about ordering the dress, giving her a deadline when she will lose her decision privelege is the best thing to do. GL!</div>

blehsm

I think I've done a good job of not being All about the wedding all the time. we do go out for drinks at times and it's usually with other friends who are either single or desperately waiting to get engaged, therefore I keep any wedding talk to a minimum. Only time it gets brought up is if someone asks.

RaptorSLH

I'm surprised your bridal shop lets you return dresses.  None of the ones I looked at did.

Give her a deadline to approve/disapprove the dress.  If she doesn't meet it, you can make the decision based on the responses the other girls have.  Or let your bridal party choose their own styles, within certain restrictions.  I have one BM very modestly endowed, and one very generously endowed, and I am going this route to make sure they're both happy.

Viczaesar

Two thoughts.   First, it's too early to order a dress for a wedding in August.  It was waaaay too early to order a dress back in September.  They may gain or lose weight in the  next eight months, and you're asking a lot of them to have them shell out money for a dress that will be unworn for the next 2/3 of a year.  Second, I think it's a really bad idea to choose a dress that can't be tried on by any of your bridesmaids.  You have no idea how they'll look in the dress.  Why not look for something that all of your ladies can try on before they pay for it?  It's unfair to put this situation on your MOH's shoulders because you chose a dress that has to be ordered blind. 

RaptorSLH

edie - That could be, but wouldn't she then have to pay shipping back and forth?  Mybe this is just me, because I'm a hard to fit shape, but I never like buying things I can't try on first.  Her MOH might be completely different, but in her shoes, I know why I'd be procrastinating.

blehsm

It can be returned and it's free shipping. All of the girls are in great shape and are very active, none of them have a problem with ordering now. Plus they are all asking me so that if they need alterations, they can line that up. I know that it sucks that it can't be tried on first, but that's why I gav her such a huge time frame to try it out. Whether its back in September, now, or in three months, this BM dress is by far my fav. And I'm giving them the option to order it whenever they feel they need to in order to get the right fit. I just wanted her to have the option first.

saric83

Not that this helps with your original question, but you might want to reconsider having her order hers ahead of time and placing all of the orders at the same time. 
I was in a wedding where the dresses were ordered online, and about a week before the wedding was the first time we saw all of the dresses together, and we realized all of them were different shades of the color and completely different sashes (and not in a good complimentary way.)  Unless they're made in the same batch, they can't guarantee the color will be the same shade.  Just a heads up....

blehsm

Thanks, I didn't think of that