overbearing mom in law

ceckart

I am recently engaged and we are getting married next July. I have had my wedding planned out since I could remember, very simple and we live in Texas so I want it country. My parents are footing the majority of the bill and his parents who are divorced are having issues with trying to decide how much they are going to put up for the bill. How much input should my finance's mom mostly have as an input? She seems to be nagging about the ideas that I pick when it comes to food. My fiance agrees with me, but then its like when I am not around his mom goes and tries to change his mind. How do I nicely tell my mom in law that this is our wedding and she has input but what we say goes? I am tired of being sabatoged because she wants something different! This is not her wedding, this is our wedding!

crfische

You let your fiance have those talks with her and keep you out of it.

JessAndTrav

I would listen to her opinions when she has them, and then tell her that you'll think about it. If you decide to do something else instead, just tell her that you decided to do it because _______.

ETA: When I say "tell her" that means your FI should tell her.

opalsky007

Just ignore it. I know it's hard, and annoying, but you're perfectly capable of making your own decisions. What's she going to do if she disagrees--call the caterer and change the menu? No. So just ignore it.

Stay out of your FILs' money discussions. If they get together and offer money, it's fine to accept it, but their finances are none of your business.

FutureMrsTR

My magic phrase when someone has a suggestion that I know I don't like right off the bat is, "Wow, That's a really interesting idea" and then I immediately change the subject.  And any difficult/serious discussions of differences of opinion should be handled by your FI.

squirrly

Step one - talk to your FI.  Find out what his vision for the wedding is.  Does it mesh with yours?  If not - find a way to compromise.  Just because you've had your wedding planned in your head since well before you met him doesn't mean that's the wedding he wants, and it's just as much his as it is yours.

Step two - When it's time to make a decision, make sure you and your FI agree.  Really agree.  Don't just tell him what your decision is - involve him in it and decide together.

Step three - when FMIL talks to FI, since the decision was part his, he's more likely to push back on his own.

Step four - if FMIL comes to you with requested changes, say "That's very interesting, we'll take it under consideration."  And then move on.  You should CONSIDER her ideas - they might be great!  But you don't have to use them.  You do need to be polite to her about it, though.