Hello everyone. I have a situation, my father. I am trying to see how others would perceive the decision I am thinking about making. My father and I have not had a great father/daughter relationship since I was about 5 when he decided that I no longer needed a father figure in my life and stopped being a father to me. During my very young adolescent years he would drunkenly beat my mother up in front of me and my sibling’s eyes and run her out of our lives. He had a great job and so did his parents so my mother couldn't take him to court for custody. I lived with him but had to do everything for myself. I moved out to live with my mom and step dad when I was 12 due to how my father and his awful wife treated me. He would always take her side over us kids’ side even if he knew she was wrong. Whenever I would need help with money or say need new school clothes when I was in grade school or high school, he would always give me some lame excuse such as “you know I just gave all I had to your sister" or " I don’t have any money". He took me off his insurance plans and stopped caring about my well being once I moved in with my mom always saying "You live with her she can take care of your insurance and school needs". I only see him on the major holidays and it is weird. He tries to be a loving father and hug me and tell me he misses me but after the holidays I don't hear from him ever. When my fiancé and I told him and his awful wife we were engaged he did nothing along the lines of offering to help with the expenses, which he did for my sister’s wedding. My mother has helped and my fiancés mother has helped but he won’t. When I called him and asked him to help he gave me his usual excuses and was telling me that a wedding should only cost $1000.00 and that we were doing it all wrong and were picking things that were too expensive. Well after a year he finally came around and said he would help buy the alcohol, but then the story changed a little while after. Then yesterday I was on the phone with him. The whole conversation was horrible from the start. I accidentally called him without knowing and he says "what is your brain messed up?" then picks an argument with me over why we have tux rentals set up for my fiancés dad and my step dad, asking me who my father is and why would I need to have three rentals asking if I had three fathers, then asks me if he is walking me down the aisle. I told him no and that my mother was going to walk me down the aisle. His response to me was this "your mother? What are you two lesbians?”. I kid you not. Those were his exact words to me. Then he went on to insinuate that my wedding was going to be horrible because I was having her walk me down and not him. He kept saying “well if I see you there I hope it’s not bad". He seriously upset me. I want nothing more than to not invite him. I have always wanted to not invite him and his wife but for some reason I am afraid of hurting anyone’s feelings and making family matters worse. But the thing is that he is always hurting my feelings and not worrying about the repercussions of it all. He always insults and offends my mother and me, and now he is insulting my fiancé and my’s wedding. My fiancé told me yesterday after that conversation, which he heard my half of it in the car while I was on the phone with my father, that he didn’t even want him at the wedding anymore. Will not inviting him be a bad bridal mistake or will it be understood by everyone who isn't a family member that already knows him?
Please let me know your feelings on this. I do not care if they are what I do not want to hear but I just need some opinions from people who arent in my family.
Thank you to all who reads and responds to this. It means a lot to me.