hypothetical cheating situation

mandysmear

so, you find out that your friend's boyfriend is telling people he cheated on her.  you tell friend this, like "btw your BF is talking smack about you... i don't know if it's true or not, but i thought you should know he's saying this..." 
friend confronts the BF.  BF denies.  friend has been dating BF for 7 months.  and believes him.  she actually thinks you made the story up.  what do you do? 

ps. friend is also your closest cousin who lives 10 minutes away. 

zippityb

I'd stay out of it. People like to shoot the messenger in situations like this.

kikibaby

You've done all you can do.  You told her, she is in denial... not much else to do but sit back and be there for her.

baystateapple

Oh, Mandy...that sucks.  I'm sorry.

Unfortunately in that situation you have to let the chips fall where they may.  You've done what you could, if she wants to believe him and believe that you made it up, it's on her.  I'm sorry that this is coming between the two of you, though.

I guess I'd probably step back and wait until things cool down.  Hopefully they will soon.  And if people are already talking about his indiscretions...I doubt he'll be able to keep the lie up that much longer.

georgia_bride09

I agree with pp. You just have to wait until she sees the light. You've done all you can.

[Deleted User]

Depends on how credible the sources were I heard the rumors from.  Otherwise, you did your part (hypothetically and I would just stay out of it.  Eventually if it continues she will find out, or be more suspicious now.

FutureMrsFezz

Definitely agreeing with the ladies saying that you've done all you can do.  If she chooses to believe or not is not your problem.

pirategal03

Wait it out.  It'll blow up later and you can be there for her then. 

akhensley81

I agree with PPs... you've done all you can. She might say she doesn't believe you, but now you've put that idea in her head. If he truly is cheating on her, and if she truly cares, she'll likely start to notice any suspicious behavior and will figure it out on her own.

mandysmear

At our housewarming party my good friend D was outside having a smoke with her BF and the BF was texting and goes to my friend D "I'm texting this chick I've been sleeping with for the last 4 days."  It's a very reliable source... no rumor here. 

But, she thinks I made the whole thing up. 

THe messenger was shot indeed.

akhensley81

mandy, it sucks that she's acting like that. Did she go off on you / get mad at you? Or just plain old refuse to believe?

Speaking from experience... this happened to me with an ex. A few friends caught wind and tried to tell me, and I would have no part of it. But after a few days I got curious and started checking his cell phone record... internet history... etc. It didn't take long to figure it out once I started looking.

ohwhynot

That stinks.  You've done your part, though.  It is, theoretically, possible that the BF was bragging/making up the fact that he's sleeping around.  At this point, there's not much you can do except sit back and wait for her to wake up. 

katiewhompus

That sucks Mandy, I'm sorry she doesn't believe you

I would just let her know that you are still there for her and let the cheating drop. He will get caught eventually and this might plant the seed of doubt that will result in her seeing what's going on.

In all honesty, if someone came up to me today, no matter how good of a friend we were, and said Scott was cheating on me, I wouldn't believe them. I've also had friends in the past tell me a bf was cheating (he was actually out of town with me at the time he was supposedly cheating) because they were just trying to break us up. I know this isn't the case here, but I can see where the doubt might come from.

jmkes

May I just say this doesn't sound like the smartest guy in the world.  Who goes to a party and randomly starts bragging that he's sleeping with other women?  Especially to someone he KNOWS is gonna run to tell you.  He must like to play games to be so loud mouthed about it but then deny everything when your cousin confronts him.  He's a jerk and a jerk by nature can't keep up the act for long.

She'll find out eventually.  Just avoid the I-told-you-so speech.

mandysmear

She told my sister that I made this up.

Her boyfriend keeps saying, "why would amanda cause trouble like that?" 

What a douchebag.  I never liked him.  He's an bum who was collecting unemployment insurance even though he was working.  He made sure to get a job that pays under the table.  He's an alcoholic.  They've been together 7 months yet that trumps 24 years of friendship.  Whatever she can take his word for it.  I am the one with a great guy... I actually pity her.

amyl2585

I agree. You've done all you can
This happened to me with my best friend. Her BF actually told me really mean things and I told her. She didn't care and stayed with him. I know I did the right thing and told her once. Now though, I don't say anything to ANYONE about them.
She will make her own decisions, whether you think they are right or not. It's not worth losing your relaionship with her.

akhensley81

Honestly, mandy... if this were me & my close friend... I am the type who would try to prove it to her. But that entirely depends on how badly you want her to know the truth; as well as how much you're willing to risk. It could easily backfire on you. I think "stay out of it" is good advice... but if it were me, I wouldn't. I'm nosy like that.

mandysmear

Well she told me just a few minutes ago that she never considered me a friend, just a cousin.  So, meh, what the fuuck ever.  I'm done.  I have a great husband who makes an honest living, loves me, is faithful and doesn't drink 10 beers a day.  I can sleep at night knowing that she has the bug in her ear whether she believes it or not.

polichik

It sounds like you've already tried to to help. I'd stay out of it unless they get engaged, plan to have a kid, buy property together, or he abuses her, in which case I'd step in.

akhensley81

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_hypothetical-cheating-situation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:9c08a5c9-1301-478d-8350-ff533ffcdbb6Post:92c0f8d8-d002-40bc-a10e-336b5a32c321">Re: hypothetical cheating situation</a>:
[QUOTE]Well she told me just a few minutes ago that she never considered me a friend, just a cousin.  So, meh, what the fuuck ever.  I'm done.  I have a great husband who makes an honest living, loves me, is faithful and doesn't drink 10 beers a day.  I can sleep at night knowing that she has the bug in her ear whether she believes it or not.
Posted by mandysmear[/QUOTE]

That sucks. But it's probably for the best, for now. Hopefully when/if she realizes you're not lying to her... she'll apologize. If not, it's her loss.

mandysmear

Yeah, I am done.  And I am alright with that.  Thanks for the insight.  And letting me vent.  The more I talk about it the better I feel about it.  I've been upside down for the last week and a half and now I feel like I can go to Montana this weekend and just let loose and not have a care in the world!

akhensley81

Ooooo where are you going in Montana? That's one state I haven't been to yet, and it's definitely on my list.

mandysmear

Great Falls!  Meeting up with some friends from Helena and Billings

akhensley81

How cool!! FI and I did a waterfall tour last year while we were in the Upper Peninsula... take lots of photos!

mandysmear

We actually have never gone to the falls.  Bahahaha.  We go for racing.    Well and cheap beer. 

akhensley81

LOL those are very good reasons, too.