Hello Eveyone,
I was hoping to get some persepctive on a situation I am in and how, if even possible, I should handle it?
My fiance and I got engaged three years ago, the day we closed on our house. I knew when we got engaged that we would have a long engagement since I was planning to return to school as was he. A couple of months after we were engaged my boss suggested a wedding venue out of Chicago, in the suburbs and although I did look at it and get information I decided to check our destination weddings and pretty much every other venue in the Chicagoland area, since I was going to have the time. While in school I met someone who had worked on the venue my boss had recommended and decided that it was the best option for our budget. Well over the summer (of 2012) I did my internship and was approaching the halfway mark in school. We reviewed my schedule and realized I was on track to graduate in 2014 and since we are not the youngest couple (I am 35 and he is 33) we are eager to start a family. So we settled on October 2014 and settled on the venue that my co-worker and classmate had both recommended. We knew our wedding was still far away, so we did not find it necessary to send out the information to guests and family. Then in October my fiance's sister got engaged. I worried about competing for dates, venues, guests, etc but at the time of her engagement she stated that they would not be planning their wedding immediately since they were both recently unemployed. However, couple of months later, when we were gathered for Christmas she began discussing wedding plans and stated that they were going to move forward planning a wedding. So, since she was showing her mother, my future mother in law, her current #1 venue (the Chicago Botanic Garden) I took the opportunity to secure our site and date by sharing the information with both her and her mother. I figured that if I let them know our date and venue that they would be respectful and not choose either. In late January I received a text from my future sister in law that she was going to go visit my venue along with a couple of others. I again let her know that it was our first choice venue and that we were planning for Oct. 2014. Then this weekend she was over at our home and she told us that they were going to use our venue and that they were going to have their wedding May of 2014. About 5 1/2 months before ours. When she told us I reiterated that it was our first choice venue and listed the options we were already going with (honey favors, bonfire, mini-pies in lieu of cake etc) and she then responded they were doing the same and began to make other venue suggestions to us. It took all of my energy not to loose it. Here she was after a couple of months searching telling me to check out places I had already researched and prices out over the three years of my engagement. She then proceeded to inform me that some of MY friends would be on her guest list.
Now, I am personally devastated. I do not mind that she is using the site, but why not after us! She has a guest list of 150 and we only have 75. About half of our list will be invited to hers and most of them have to travel accross the country. There is no way that these people are travelling twice in 5 months and espeacially to see the same venue/wedding. I feel like there is nothing I can say without her getting upset and his family vinalizing me. But I feel cheated. We have always tried to pay our own way and be independant. We are hardworking and responsible and have been together for 13 years. I have looked forward to this wedding for quite some time and as it has begun to take shape I have someone who is soon to be family, step in and book the venue she knew I was planning on.
Am I wrong to be upset? To feel hurt and betrayed?