FI's Grandmother.. (Mostly a Vent)..

MissYumi

My FI's grandmother assumes I don't know invitation etiquette.. she calls him yesterday demanding why she has not recieved an invitation to our wedding and that its rude not to send her an invitation when I haven't had the chance to order them but I am today. (My mom has been diagnosed with a disease and I have been dealing with that for the past month). And then she says makes sure to send invitations to so and so.. while listing a list of people my FI doesn't really talk to but she made feel him feel obligated. I know its respectful to send people invites to who are not attending its just made my FI and I feel weird on how she acted and her tone..

Meegles4

Grandmothers can be weird. My wedding came up once with her and my great aunt (who wasn't invited) in the room. The great aunt said "so sorry I won't be able to make it" and I just sort of nodded since I didn't want to break the news that she wasn't even invited. My grandma immediately piped up with "oh Frannie, are you sure you couldn't come?" After my mom and I had repeated told her that the great aunts were not invited.

Just let it roll off your back. You are at about 8 weeks, which is usually the upper limit of when invitations start going out, so she's probably just wondering what's up. Definitely get them out in the next couple weeks, not only for grandma's sake, but so that your guests can make plans and have time to get the RSVPs back to you so you can develop head counts, seating charts, etc.

ETA: I just noticed you said "its respectful to send invitation to people who aren't coming"...I hope you meant it's NOT respectful. You only send invitations to invited guests. Now, if the grandma has idea of who should be invited and those individuals aren't, then your FI or his parents need to gently explain the situation.

OliveOilsMom

You will need to get your invites out soon, but as PP said, you aren't going against etiquette by not having them sent out before.

If grandma is paying, she gets a say in the guest list, but at 8 weeks out, I would assume that the guest list has been final for sometime.  I would not be sending the invites that grandma is requesting.

I'm also confused about the one part in your post you said "I know its respectful to send people invites to who are not attending", do you mean people who received a STD, then verbally told you they could not attend?  Then yes, you should still be sending them an invitation.  If grandma wants you to send some people invites and swears they won't come, I would not be sending them invites.  You could end up in a budget crisis if these people do RSVP yes.  One of the brides on here said recently that her extended OOT family, who her parents said would never come, are almost all coming! 

hoffse

Like PP said, grandmas can be weird.  My grandma told me I couldn't have tulips at an April wedding because they wouldn't be blooming at that time - she thought we had to grow them ourselves.  We kept telling her we are ordering them but she didn't get it.

kmmssg

Grandma's come from a generation where weddings were very different (cake/punch/nuts and mints in the church basement at 2 pm on a Saturday and then go home).  Do NOT send invitations to people you didn't already have on your guest list.  That will backfire like the 4th of July.  I'm guessing you mean that you are supposed to send invitations to extended family even though you expect them not to attend, correct?  

Page Kindasparkly and ask her what has happened with that one.  She posted the other day that all the cousins her FMIL guaranteed wouldn't come ARE ATTENDING.  Including an 84 year old relative who can still fly and has decided this is her last opportunity to see the family as a group.  Do not give in to g'ma if this is what she is up to.

MissYumi

The people who she asked to send invites to are not coming and did not receive an STD as per my FI's request because he sees them about once every few years and they're not very close to him. My guestlist has been finalized about a month ago when I met with my caterer. She is not paying for anything and as recently decided to come herself after saying she was not coming three months ago and now decided to come. I will be sending my invitations at the 6th week mark which I thought is right to send invites.

bonge

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fis-grandmother-mostly-a-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9ce3af4f-c20a-46d7-92cb-922ab5434700Post:de7a5e32-5e34-485d-b34f-2424d52017ea">Re: FI's Grandmother.. (Mostly a Vent)..</a>:
[QUOTE]The people who she asked to send invites to are not coming and did not receive an STD as per my FI's request because he sees them about once every few years and they're not very close to him. My guestlist has been finalized about a month ago when I met with my caterer. She is not paying for anything and as recently decided to come herself after saying she was not coming three months ago and now decided to come. I will be sending my invitations at the 6th week mark which I thought is right to send invites.
Posted by MissYumi[/QUOTE]

<div>If you don't want them there then don't invite them or you may end up with unwanted guests. </div>