Wedding Etiquette Forum

Did you see Dear Prudie Today?

http://www.slate.com/id/2265551/

Q. In-Laws:
I have a grudge against my in-laws and can't seem to get over it. They ruined my wedding. I had specifically requested my husband make sure he was on time for the ceremony, since there was another wedding right after ours. Sure enough, my husband's family decided at the last minute they needed to do other things, so we ended up arriving an hour later, only to have a rushed ceremony with my sister-in-law's kids running around and screaming, which I hated. Her 6-year-old even threw a tantrum and urinated right on the train of my dress! I was completely mortified. This went on at the reception, as well, with my SIL doing absolutely nothing to control her children. (No, the kid did not urinate again, but she did throw up twice right on the dance floor.) At first I was concerned, thinking the kid was sick, but my MIL told me this is normal behavior for the kid. This was some months ago, and still I can't stand the thought of ever seeing them again. So far I have managed to not visit them, but they are now asking why I won't go visit. I realize I will eventually have to see them again, but how do I manage to keep my anger from boiling over?

Sounds like a nightmare.
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Re: Did you see Dear Prudie Today?

  • Holy crap.  If someone posted that here, I'd call MUD.  That's insane.

    HOW COULD YOU BE AN HOUR LATE FOR YOUR WEDDING?



    "You can take your etiquette and shove it!" ~misscarolb
  • Didn't she know the craziness she was marrying into before the big day? :) It's almost hard to believe that all happened...
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_did-see-dear-prudie-today?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9d11b4e0-593f-4a67-9d4e-97e2f1d6c5e7Post:e0f40beb-8bae-4a7d-8e65-d78282347bb2">Re: Did you see Dear Prudie Today?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Didn't she know the craziness she was marrying into before the big day? :) It's almost hard to believe that all happened...
    Posted by Birdie1483[/QUOTE]


    YOu know, the second that a kid from the family I was marrying into pee'd on my dress and no one stopped her would be the EXACT moment I looked at the officiant in horror and said, "I can't do this.  I'm outta here."

    "You can take your etiquette and shove it!" ~misscarolb
  • I woulda spanked that kid for the parents, pee on ym dress will ya!
  • tldhtldh member
    2500 Comments
    Nothing explains why the FI couldn't get there on time.  That may have been my breaking point.  The little brat wouldn't have gottent he chance to pee on my dress.
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    AKA GoodLuckBear14
  • I saw red at the idea of a 6 year old peeing on my dress during the ceremony. 


    And WTF did the family have to do that was more important than getting to the ceremony on time?  FFS!

    image
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_did-see-dear-prudie-today?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9d11b4e0-593f-4a67-9d4e-97e2f1d6c5e7Post:aca97fb8-8978-4edf-992d-1da039f2bde4">Re: Did you see Dear Prudie Today?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Nothing explains why the FI couldn't get there on time.  That may have been my breaking point.  The little brat wouldn't have gottent he chance to pee on my dress.
    Posted by tldh[/QUOTE]


    good point.

    Regardless, I'm pretty sure at this point, those people would NOT be in-laws.

    "You can take your etiquette and shove it!" ~misscarolb
  • Can that story snowball even more? It's either very fake or someone had a really unfortunate wedding with crazy inlaws. Eff that either way.
    I iz not Bridezilla.imageI iz Veloceraptor!

    FOR SALE!!.

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_did-see-dear-prudie-today?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9d11b4e0-593f-4a67-9d4e-97e2f1d6c5e7Post:65b64352-9fe4-43e2-9aba-f51025b677a7">Re: Did you see Dear Prudie Today?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I saw red at the idea of a 6 year old peeing on my dress during the ceremony.  <strong>And WTF did the family have to do that was more important than getting to the ceremony on time?  FFS!</strong>
    Posted by kikibaby[/QUOTE]


    I get the feeling they didn't like the bride much.  Perhaps an intervention?

    "You can take your etiquette and shove it!" ~misscarolb
  • tldhtldh member
    2500 Comments
    Prudie's Answer:

    Before we get to the matter of your wedding, your description of your niece's behavior is a 100-decibel klaxon announcing that this child needs immediate assessment and intervention. If you can, try to put your understandable fury aside and recognize you have married into a deeply strange, possibly disturbed family. The question for you is how you manage your interactions with them from now on, not how you extract a well-deserved apology—because I'm inferring that isn't going to happen. And where is your husband in all this? Is he shrugging it off and saying, "Hey, that's how we are?" Or does he recognize how rude and bizarre his family is and want to reassure you he doesn't want to recapitulate his own upbringing in your marriage? The most important thing here is your marriage. If that's solid, the two of you can figure out how to contain your interactions with his family. But now that you are part of this family, try to persuade your husband to gently talk to his sister about his serious concerns about his niece.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_did-see-dear-prudie-today?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:9d11b4e0-593f-4a67-9d4e-97e2f1d6c5e7Post:ae434f8c-d37e-4a2b-b81d-3d34cf958097">Re: Did you see Dear Prudie Today?</a>:
    [QUOTE]The child PEED on her wedding dress? And the SIL did nothing? I would be more than mortified ... I would be in jail about backhanding that kid...
    Posted by cfaszews25[/QUOTE]

    This.
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  • edited August 2010
    Holy.hell.  PEED on her dress?  No fuucking way anyone would've stopped me from slapping that kid and kicking them out of the wedding.

    What advice did Prudie give?  (EIDIT:  just saw it.  And I agree that someone needs to check that kid out.  Peeing on a dress and then getting so worked up that you puke TWICE?  I don't think that's normal.)
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  • tldhtldh member
    2500 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_did-see-dear-prudie-today?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:9d11b4e0-593f-4a67-9d4e-97e2f1d6c5e7Post:e2dec5cc-48c4-4682-9813-7d88a398412c">Re: Did you see Dear Prudie Today?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Holy.hell.  PEED on her dress?  No fuucking way anyone would've stopped me from slapping that kid and kicking them out of the wedding. What advice did Prudie give?
    Posted by FutureMrsTR[/QUOTE]

    See 2 posts above yours
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    AKA GoodLuckBear14
  • I'm a pretty patient person, but if a six-year old peed on my dress and the followed act 1 with a bout of vomiting on the dance floor, I would be pretty darned concerned. That just does not seem like normal behavior, no matter what the MIL says. 

    I think of the wedding day as I would a college classroom.  If the professor doesn't show up in 15 minutes, you can go home.  If the groom doesn't show up...
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  • I would snap so hard my wedding video would end up on Tosh.0.  Seriously.  And I would be single as hell, too. 
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_did-see-dear-prudie-today?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9d11b4e0-593f-4a67-9d4e-97e2f1d6c5e7Post:ae434f8c-d37e-4a2b-b81d-3d34cf958097">Re: Did you see Dear Prudie Today?</a>:
    [QUOTE]The child PEED on her wedding dress? And the SIL did nothing? I would be more than mortified ... I would be in jail for backhanding that kid...
    Posted by cfaszews25[/QUOTE]

    Pretty much.

    And PS, why hasn't her husband said anything to his family? Like, "we'll start without you."  Or, "If you don't apologize to my wife we will not be visiting."
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  • If H had been an hour late to the wedding, barring something that required a trip to the hospital or some huge traffic madness that he could not get out of, I don't know that I could have gone through with the wedding when he did show up. 

    As for the little girl, I'd have told her family to get her out.  I'd have gotten the venue to kick them out.  I'd have called the police or the ambulance or something.  I would not have tolerated that.  Where were the bride's friends and family on this?  Why did no one stand up for her?  My father would have had the people leave, FFS. 

    But, it sounds like the bride had never met these people.  I'd have had a problem with relatives attending that I didn't already know.  Why are they important enough to invite, but not enough to meet in advance? 
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_did-see-dear-prudie-today?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9d11b4e0-593f-4a67-9d4e-97e2f1d6c5e7Post:9e40e141-04f1-4f36-adb0-901353f95495">Re: Did you see Dear Prudie Today?</a>:
    [QUOTE]If H had been an hour late to the wedding, barring something that required a trip to the hospital or some huge traffic madness that he could not get out of, I don't know that I could have gone through with the wedding when he did show up.  As for the little girl, I'd have told her family to get her out.  I'd have gotten the venue to kick them out.  I'd have called the police or the ambulance or something.  I would not have tolerated that.  Where were the bride's friends and family on this?  Why did no one stand up for her?  My father would have had the people leave, FFS.  But, it sounds like the bride had never met these people.  I'd have had a problem with relatives attending that I didn't already know.  Why are they important enough to invite, but not enough to meet in advance? 
    Posted by squirrly[/QUOTE]

    And if she had never met them, why are they begging her to visit them now? Someone in the comments said it sounds like this girl is part of a small religious sect with weird rules about marriage and family, or a teen bride, or something.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_did-see-dear-prudie-today?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9d11b4e0-593f-4a67-9d4e-97e2f1d6c5e7Post:5b26d8ca-66c6-4b46-82fa-c7a987029572">Re: Did you see Dear Prudie Today?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I agree she should be concerned about the child.  The question didn't indicate whether the child peed on purpose (lifted dress and let it rip) or whether she wet her pants while standing near (or on) the train of the dress.  Either way, this kind of behavior could be indicative of abuse.  Combine that with the fact that the child is always doing this (forced vomiting?), and these are some serious red flags that the child is in some kind of trouble. Getting late to the wedding is just inexcusable.  Hard to believe that his behavior from his side of the family is brand new for the wedding.  They needed to address this BEFORE the "I do's".
    Posted by TheCranberry[/QUOTE]

    <div>I'm actually thinking it sounds like the child has some other issues, I didn't think abuse at all.  I teach children with autism as well as other behaviour issues and have seen things like that happen just not at a wedding.  If there is something wrong with the child slapping them is not going to help.  </div><div>
    </div><div>I think Prudie is correct in saying the child needs an assessment ASAP.  </div>
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_did-see-dear-prudie-today?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:9d11b4e0-593f-4a67-9d4e-97e2f1d6c5e7Post:9e40e141-04f1-4f36-adb0-901353f95495">Re: Did you see Dear Prudie Today?</a>:
    [QUOTE]But, it sounds like the bride had never met these people.  I'd have had a problem with relatives attending that I didn't already know.  Why are they important enough to invite, but not enough to meet in advance? 
    Posted by squirrly[/QUOTE]

    Eh, I can understand that.  Most of H's family lives in FL or upstate NY and due to finances and vacation time, I wasn't able to meet all of them while we were dating/engaged.  And I have some extended family that my mom is close to, but I usually only see at funerals who were invited that H hadn't met.  I don't think it's totally unrealistic to be meeting some of your new spouse's family for the first time at the wedding.
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  • Hell, there are some FRIENDS of FI's that I won't be meeting until the wedding. People whom he knows from college and grad school that live out of state and I've just never had the opportunity to meet.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_did-see-dear-prudie-today?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:9d11b4e0-593f-4a67-9d4e-97e2f1d6c5e7Post:2b43bed0-f662-4bce-80a2-bdee26c1bb33">Re: Did you see Dear Prudie Today?</a>:
    [QUOTE].  I think of the wedding day as I would a college classroom.  If the professor doesn't show up in 15 minutes, you can go home.  If the groom doesn't show up...
    Posted by Meg1979[/QUOTE]

    THIS
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_did-see-dear-prudie-today?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9d11b4e0-593f-4a67-9d4e-97e2f1d6c5e7Post:cff39c10-6aef-430e-8a5e-03a06ad8f189">Re: Did you see Dear Prudie Today?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Did you see Dear Prudie Today? :<strong> I'm actually thinking it sounds like the child has some other issues, I didn't think abuse at all.  I teach children with autism as well as other behaviour issues and have seen things like that happen just not at a wedding. </strong> If there is something wrong with the child slapping them is not going to help.   I think Prudie is correct in saying the child needs an assessment ASAP.  
    Posted by NCV2[/QUOTE]

    Yes, I was wondering about that, too.  Maybe something the poster didn't say about this family.  My brother is autistic (high functioning), but I know loud family events can give him sensory overload. 
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  • Prudie's advice is wise.  I also agree that it sounds like some craziness is going on with that kid.
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