Strange name change situation - how to inform?

orangejulius

My finace has recently decided that he wants to change his last name to that of his birth father's. His parents were teens when he was born, and his birth father died shortly after that. His mother gave him her last name. Years later, when FI was in highschool, his mother married and her husband adopted FI. Well, they are now going through a divorce, and some things have surfaced about FI's adoptive father and FI no longer wants to carry on adoptive father's name (a move I feel will tarnish FI's relationship with his adoptive father forever, but I'm being supportive, I'm not too fond of adoptive father in the first place). FI still has contact with birth father's family, I've met them and they're invited to the wedding. My question is, how do we inform everyone of the name change? His side of the family will understand the situation a little more as they've been there through the years of events, but I feel my family will be confused. Why is my new name "Doe" instead of "Smith"...they know FI as "John Smith," and FI is "John Smith" on our save the dates, etc. What's the best way of handling this?

The Mel and Todd Show

I don't know that there's any set way to deal with this.  I would tell the people with whom you feel closest about the details (parents, close friends) and let it take care of itself by word of mouth. 

ETA- Let the name change spread by word of mouth, that is.  Not the intimate details of your FIs upbringing and future MILs divorce. 

strlzfan11

If anyone asks, just say that your FI is changing his name to his birth father's name.  You don't need to explain all the reasons behind the change.

Stackeye210

I know a family who did this when they got married.  The husband didn't want to carry on his fathers last name so the husband and wife decided on a new last name together that nobody in either family had.  If someone is confused they will ask, or they'll catch on soon. 

When is FI planning on changing his name?  The biggest thing I'd worry about is if people write you checks and he has already changed his name.  It could cause bank problems. 

nickandmerritt

We have an unusual name change situation as well.  I'm not sure what the protocol is, but we discussed it with the relevant people in our families first and foremost, either by phone or in person when possible.  We've mentioned it to some of our friends as well, but we also decided to make a page about it on our wedding website.  We figure that most people probably won't notice or think about it until the wedding day when I'm assuming we'll have the officiant announce our new names.  But this way, at least some people may know how to address cards, and it will be exciting to see our new names on at least a few things at the wedding.

Here is what we put on our website.  We added a "new names" page and wrote the following:

We spent a lot of time thinking about this and have decided that we will both be changing our last names to hyphenate Nick's last name and Merritt's mom's maiden name.

So, after we're married we will officially be Mr. and Mrs. Maiden Name-Last Name!

squirrly

Well, you could do your invites like this:

Mr. and Mrs. Bride Dad Last
request the pleasure of your company
at the marriage of their daughter

Bride Middle
to
Groom Middle

son of Ms. Groom Mom Last

yadda, yadda, yadda.

And then, in the program, include an "at home" address with your new married name. 

Or, you could use his new last name on the invite, and include an insert in the invitation stating that Mr. John Adams Smith recently changed his name to Mr. John Adams Jones.  But, I don't think that's really necessary.  Just tell a few strategic (loud mouthed) people, and word will spread.

Kristin789

I have had several male students who, upon turning 18 or 21, change their last names from their step-dad's last name to their bio-dad's last name or vice versa.  (I am a professor at a college, and we're forever dealing with girls changing their names and now guys changing their names!)

They told me they announced the name change in the holiday card that year.  So you would tell your friends and your mom would tell the extended family in the holiday cards of 2010.  That way, when your wedding comes around in April 2011, everyone already knows...

Calypso1977

would he be open to waiting until you guys are married and then changing to your last name?

ichellemay1

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_strange-name-change-situation-inform?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:9dedfbe3-90a8-4aff-9043-1e954f8760e0Post:4745349d-9648-4a59-bc0f-81b1a35e3fba">Re: Strange name change situation - how to inform?</a>:
[QUOTE]If anyone asks, just say that your FI is changing his name to his birth father's name.  You don't need to explain all the reasons behind the change.
Posted by strlzfan11[/QUOTE]

This.

orangejulius

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_strange-name-change-situation-inform?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9dedfbe3-90a8-4aff-9043-1e954f8760e0Post:7af7bd97-310b-4788-bcf3-083e06960094">Re: Strange name change situation - how to inform?</a>:
[QUOTE]would he be open to waiting until you guys are married and then changing to your last name?
Posted by Calypso1977[/QUOTE]

We'd like everyone to know of our new name before we get married, it's kind of a thing about me taking his name and everything :) The holiday card is an idea, I'll talk to FI about that one!

sister2groom

I think just change his name and then list it, there's no need to note in the STD that he changed his name. I think your guests will figure out that you're going to be marrying a DIFFERENT John since your fiance's name is John.

cupcakesfrosting

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_strange-name-change-situation-inform?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:9dedfbe3-90a8-4aff-9043-1e954f8760e0Post:1da0502c-376a-4a3e-9431-829a5c0eb9f5">Strange name change situation - how to inform?</a>:
[QUOTE]My finace has recently decided that he wants to change his last name to that of his birth father's. His parents were teens when he was born, and his birth father died shortly after that. His mother gave him her last name. Years later, when FI was in highschool, his mother married and her husband adopted FI. Well, they are now going through a divorce, and some things have surfaced about FI's adoptive father and FI no longer wants to carry on adoptive father's name (a move I feel will tarnish FI's relationship with his adoptive father forever, but I'm being supportive, I'm not too fond of adoptive father in the first place). FI still has contact with birth father's family, I've met them and they're invited to the wedding. My question is, how do we inform everyone of the name change? His side of the family will understand the situation a little more as they've been there through the years of events, but I feel my family will be confused. Why is my new name "Doe" instead of "Smith"...they know FI as "John Smith," and FI is "John Smith" on our save the dates, etc. What's the best way of handling this?
Posted by orangejulius[/QUOTE]

I think everyone addressed your question, but I'll add this as well:
My FIANCE wants to do this as well. He is "John Smith" and wants to be "John Doe".. When you go get your Marriage License, they have you fill out a form that says what YOUR name will be when / if you change it.

If your FI is really super serious about changing his last name, then it would be easier for you to put the name change on that form, so it's one quick thing for you. His will be a little drawn out, but it would be easier in the long run for you.

GL!