Maybe not etiquette, still weird to me

wawbrey

This past weekend one of my nearest and dearest got married. Yay! It was beautiful despite bad weather, and everyone had a great time. My best friend's SILs offered to do all the food and the cakes, and the couple took them up in their generous gift. They agreed on cupcakes and a smallish two tier cake to cut. But while we were finishing pictures-before the couple even made it to the reception- every.single.cupcake was gone. I completely understand that the reception is a thank you to the guests, and the guests were properly hosted. However, I found it rather strange and rude IMO that the guests didn't wait on the cake to be cut before they started on the cupcakes. The buffet was opened to the guests during picture time in lieu of a cocktail hour, and the cakes were sat on a table on the deck outside of the reception hall. The cake serving utensils were set out on the table with the cakes too. So it wasn't like they were at the end of the buffet line or next to the punch. I wouldn't take a cupcake until the cake had been sliced if I thought the bride and groom were going to partake in that tradition. Is this common with cupcakes and a small cake for cutting?? This was the first time I've ever seen that happen. It just sort of seems like slicing into the cake before the bride and groom get to??

jessicabessica

I think it's weird that guests ate the cupcakes before eating from the buffet.  Or did they finish eating from the buffet while you were still taking pictures?  I think it can be a little confusing as a guest when there is a non-cake dessert display that's already out.  I don't think taking a cupcake when there's a smaller tiered cake on another table (maybe in a different room--can't tell from your post exactly what the layout was) is like slicing into someone's wedding cake.  

It sounds like pictures may have taken a long time, and/or the couple should have had more cupcakes.

wawbrey

Oh no they were around the cake and groom's cake on the table outside. Sorry! Should've been more clear. I wasn't keeping close tabs on how long pictures took. We knocked out virtually all BP pictures before the ceremony, and all that was left were photos of our family.

Stackeye210

That's just ridiculous!  I went to a wedding where there were a ton of cookies around the cake stand and not one person touched the cookies until the cake was cut.  I mean that should be common sense (or so you would think)!  I hope it didn't bother the bride and groom.

AdeleDazeem

I think it's a honest mistake.  A buffet was opened and people ate.  Dessert usually comes with the territory.  For all you know, the buffet attendants said they could take cupcakes since it's more of a buffet dessert.

I get that cupcakes are a thing now, but the rules around it are still kinda fuzzy.  Cutting a cupcake?  That seems rather odd to me, especially when there is cake also present.  I would assume that some guests could also be equally confused thinking that cupcakes are free reign while cake is not.

EDIT: I'm not saying I'd take a cupcake, but I can see how some people would.

lcatterton

I'm glad that I read this, as I plan on having cupcakes. I'll try to make sure it's clear that the cupcakes will be served at a certain time. Or maybe have them on a cart that isn't wheeled out until after dinner.. Hm...

wawbrey

They may be a good idea! Or save yourself one. . She had been excited about a surprise flavor pumpkin that one of the SILs threw in. She really wanted one. Unfortunately she didn't get to try one.

msuprincess04

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_maybe-not-etiquette-still-weird-to-me?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:9e19b433-e2d2-448b-9982-d8c20a00f8eaPost:26fba864-bd07-4dee-81e6-a101d8771323">Re:Maybe not etiquette, still weird to me</a>:
[QUOTE]My guess is that there was one or two guests who took one because they didn't know better and once other guests saw people eating the cupcakes, they assumed the bride and groom wanted them to go ahead and take one. Personally, I've never seen a multi tiered wedding cake with cupcakes out around it. It's usually a cupcake tower with a single small cake for cutting on top. I probably wouldn't assume automatically that it was okay to take the cupcakes, but if I saw a full cake with it, I would be confused.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

I agree with this. If it had been in a display like a tower to make it look like a formal wedding cake, then it would have been more clear. Otherwise, I can see the confusion. Though, I agree, I likely wouldn't take it until the cake was cut.

achiduck

Ya, that's pretty rude. I don't eat anything at a reception unless it's very clear that it's time to do so (ie apps are being passed, dinner is served, etc).

MoonlightSilver

Some of my guests started taking our cupcakes and cake drops before we "opened" the dessert. It didn't really bug me, but it also didn't happen until we were almost completely done with dinner. We just went over and did our thing for the photographer, then told more people to eat them! 

Peledreamsofrain

The most recent wedding I went to, they had a display of cake drops and I was worried about the same thing happening.  The display was in the line right along the buffet line, so everyone getting food had to stand right next to it for quite some time.

But fortunately nobody 'pirated' the cake early.  I'm kind of glad I got to stand next to them, actually, because I was able to see that there were a ton of flies crawling on the cake drops.  I have stomach issues, so I have to be extremely careful about exposing myself to the bacteria flies drop onto food.  Fortunately all the other food at the buffet was covered.

RebeccaB88

I can't imagine why anyone would think it was ok to eat the cupcakes before the cake was cut.  To me, the cupcakes and the main cake are on the same level.  Eating one is the same as eating the other.  They're all intended for the same purpose, right?  Yes, I would be mad and I would wonder why my guests had no manners.  If someone at the venue told them it was okay to do it, then I'd expect the venue to answer to that.  There's nothing that could be done after the fact, of course, but I'd be upset and I can see why the bride would be too.  It sounds like she didn't even get to SEE what the display looked like.

Cortney1982

I would have never touched the cupcakes as they are in my opinion, part of the cake cutting.  Altough I would have been tempted if there wasn't enough food to eat.  The most recent wedding I went to had no cocktail hour.  Everybody was waiting until the bride and groom arrived to eat dinner.  I was starving and there was nothing but beer and Jolly Ranchers available.  There was a ton of people and not enough food for everybody witht he buffet being very slim pickings.

Jen4948

Seems a little strange, yes.

But I'm reserving judgment on the "rudeness" of taking a cupcake before the cake was cut.  For one thing, how much later was the actual cake-cutting?  If it was a long time into the reception, so late that people had to leave early, I'd let it go.

Beyond that, it sounds to me also like there weren't any hors d'oeuvres served with the drinks during the cocktail hour, so people must have been confused about when the cupcakes were meant to be eaten. 

wawbrey

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_maybe-not-etiquette-still-weird-to-me?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:9e19b433-e2d2-448b-9982-d8c20a00f8eaPost:f828670a-3420-4298-aa11-53ac9bbdf634">Re: Maybe not etiquette, still weird to me</a>:
[QUOTE]Seems a little strange, yes. But I'm reserving judgment on the "rudeness" of taking a cupcake before the cake was cut.  For one thing, how much later was the actual cake-cutting?  If it was a long time into the reception, so late that people had to leave early, I'd let it go. Beyond that, it sounds to me also like there weren't any hors d'oeuvres served with the drinks during the cocktail hour, so people must have been confused about when the cupcakes were meant to be eaten. 
Posted by Jen4948[/QUOTE]



There wasn't a cocktail hour. They opened the buffet immediately after the ceremony instead of a cocktail hour. As it was a dry wedding they just served punch, water, tea, etc.

APDSS22

Sounds like the wedding I went to in May.  The couple had chosen 4 different flavor cupcakes and set them up next to the buffet with little signs indicating flavor.  They had a little cake to cut into as well.  I think everyone took the cupcakes as they went through the buffet because they were worried they wouldn't get good flavors if they waited or something because most of the cupcakes were gone by the time I got to the food.  (I was in the back of the line.)  Luckily, I liked the least popular flavor, which was delicious, and everyone else had issues eating all of theirs because they were just too rich.