Shower guest lists? Double dipping?

Summer2011Bride

So I am having two showers in one weekend. One is hosted by FMIL and a BM and the other is hosted by one of FI's aunts on the other side of his family. It's not ideal, but it worked with their schedules. How should I split up my guest list? Do you think it's acceptable to 'double dip" with the BM's and invite them to both, just making it known when I talk to them that they are NOT expected to come to both (or either). With other friends/family, should I invite half to each so I possibly have some at both or also send them both invites and let them choose which one to attend (I'd hate to send someone an invite for Sat. and they can't come, but WOULD have come to the Sun. shower. However, I also hate to look gift grabby by sending two).

shanaea87

In all honesty that sounds weird to me. Would it be possible to talk to the different hosts about combining the two parties and basically share the hosting responsibilities? If I read correctly the guest list will be the same for both parties.

hlq2011

That sounds really strange to me as well.  Why on earth are you having two parties, thrown by essentially the same side of the family, on the same weekend?

When you have multiple showers, yes, it is all right to invite the bridesmaids to all, but this is a really weird arrangement.

noodle_oo

Yeah, this sounds overly complicated. The fact that you wnat to invite people to both means they must also be close by, in which case it is just silly.  Either combine into 1 larger shower (if they are willing to host jointly) or you need to have completely separate guest lists.  I would not invite someone to both because while you may have good intentions, it does come across as gift grabby.  I would be so confused to get 2 invitations to 2 showers that are the same weekend.  And for your BMs, I would feel obligated to go to both and it is too much to ask them to give up their entire weekend to go to both your showers.

Personally, I'd either combine them, or if that isn't possible, just decline one and have just one shower.

bmoruzzi

I think I may have answered this already on our month board, but I think you should just invite people to one or the other, not both.  They don't get to chose which one they want to come to.  this can result in the parties being very uneven.  If I were you, I'd just split the list and whoever can make it, makes it.  

aragx6

Do the sides of FI's family not get along well? Why two showers?

tpender13

It looks like the OPs FMIL is hosting one, and an aunt on his other side of the family (FFIL's sister?) is hosting the other.

I think it's customary to invite WP and mom's to multiple showers and let them know that you don't expect them to come to both.

DramaGeek

One day is FMIL's family and the other day is FFIL's family, right?  In my world, that's who would be invited.  If they're allowing you to invite people outside the family, I'd figure which side my other guests would best get on with and invite them to that one.  However, you do need to check with your hostesses first and see how many additional guests they can accomodate.

ootmother2

The mothers and bridal party are invited to any and all showers as a courtesy.  They are not expected to give more than one gift.

Summer2011Bride

Yes FMIL and one BM are throwing one shower for FMIL's side of the family. The next day, one of his dad's sisters is throwing one for everyone on his dad's side. originally, just my FMIL/BM were throwing one shower, but I guess his aunt got really excited to throw one herself. I guess they had a lot of graduation parties in the month of June that took up other weekends (on both sides of his family) and this is the weekend that worked best for both.

I don't like the idea of it either, but I felt awkward saying "I don't like that; can you change it?" and coming across as a brat when they are being nice enough to host.

quirky75

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_shower-guest-lists-double-dipping?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9e7ede97-42d3-4c9f-9825-555a8cda1f0cPost:d0cf1e1e-9e00-4a91-9324-63686e273801">Re: Shower guest lists? Double dipping?</a>:
[QUOTE]One day is FMIL's family and the other day is FFIL's family, right?  In my world, that's who would be invited.  If they're allowing you to invite people outside the family, I'd figure which side my other guests would best get on with and invite them to that one.  However, you do need to check with your hostesses first and see how many additional guests they can accomodate.
Posted by DramaGeek[/QUOTE]

This exactly. Agreed!

shanaea87

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_shower-guest-lists-double-dipping?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:9e7ede97-42d3-4c9f-9825-555a8cda1f0cPost:4fa3f6e3-5687-40b1-8bbd-583809f805ee">Shower guest lists? Double dipping?</a>:
[QUOTE]So I am having two showers in one weekend. One is hosted by FMIL and a BM and the other is hosted by one of FI's aunts on the other side of his family. It's not ideal, but it worked with their schedules. How should I split up my guest list? Do you think it's acceptable to 'double dip" with the BM's and invite them to both, just making it known when I talk to them that they are NOT expected to come to both (or either). <strong>With other friends/family, should I invite half to each so I possibly have some at both or also send them both invites and let them choose which one to attend (I'd hate to send someone an invite for Sat. and they can't come, but WOULD have come to the Sun.</strong> <strong>shower.</strong> However, I also hate to look gift grabby by sending two).
Posted by Summer2011Bride[/QUOTE]

I'm confused about the bolded part. I took that as the same family and freinds outside of wedding party would be invited to both. Am I reading it wrong?

DramaGeek

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_shower-guest-lists-double-dipping?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9e7ede97-42d3-4c9f-9825-555a8cda1f0cPost:bffdc19e-48ff-4b85-ba71-289930b80d0a">Re: Shower guest lists? Double dipping?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Shower guest lists? Double dipping? : I'm confused about the bolded part. I took that as the same family and freinds outside of wedding party would be invited to both. Am I reading it wrong?
Posted by shanaea87[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>I think that's her question - should she send additional guests an invite to both and let the guest choose which to attend, or should she just choose for the guest and send an invite only to that one.</div><div>
</div><div>OP, only invite your guests to one shower.  Moms and BMs are the general exception to that rule, but you can certainly choose to invite them only to one or invite them to both and make it clear that you do not expect them to be at both and won't be offended if they choose not to attend.  But please, check with your hostesses first to be sure they can accomodate additional guests.  They may have already maxed out their guest list with family.</div>

Summer2011Bride

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_shower-guest-lists-double-dipping?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9e7ede97-42d3-4c9f-9825-555a8cda1f0cPost:204cb3d8-d947-4683-a373-9cf2744d059c">Re: Shower guest lists? Double dipping?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Shower guest lists? Double dipping? : I think that's her question - should she send additional guests an invite to both and let the guest choose which to attend, or should she just choose for the guest and send an invite only to that one. OP, only invite your guests to one shower.  Moms and BMs are the general exception to that rule, but you can certainly choose to invite them only to one or invite them to both and make it clear that you do not expect them to be at both and won't be offended if they choose not to attend. <strong> But please, check with your hostesses first to be sure they can accomodate additional guests.  They may have already maxed out their guest list with family.</strong>
Posted by DramaGeek[/QUOTE]

Oh I will. Here is my question. I've obviously never had a wedding shower thrown for me before. I was under the impression the bride gets asked for a guest list, possibly with a max number to be invited. I'm not trying to sound ungrateful, but it would be super boring to have a shower with NONE of my friends and family and all FI's relatives whom I don't even know! Shouldn't the bride get some family and friends at her own shower? Again, if this is coming across bratty, that's not how I intend it. Just honestly asking.

DramaGeek

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_shower-guest-lists-double-dipping?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9e7ede97-42d3-4c9f-9825-555a8cda1f0cPost:bca0a983-ccf6-45ba-a560-103ad1498e10">Re: Shower guest lists? Double dipping?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Shower guest lists? Double dipping? : Oh I will. Here is my question. I've obviously never had a wedding shower thrown for me before. I was under the impression the bride gets asked for a guest list, possibly with a max number to be invited. I'm not trying to sound ungrateful, but it would be super boring to have a shower with NONE of my friends and family and all FI's relatives whom I don't even know! Shouldn't the bride get some family and friends at her own shower? Again, if this is coming across bratty, that's not how I intend it. Just honestly asking.
Posted by Summer2011Bride[/QUOTE]

<div>Yeah it is boring.  I should know - I had 3 of 'em.  No one asked me for a guest list for any of them.  I had absolutely no input and, in fact, my MOH and BM weren't invited to any of them because no one thought to invite them.  Yeah, I'm still bitter about it.</div>