Wedding Etiquette Forum

You're not invited situation 2

Situation 2:  B/G:  My brother had a baby with someone who is now his ex.  The kid is going to be our ringbearer.  During the day, the ex's mom watches kid, and occasionally my sister will go pick him up to play.  Another of my sisters adopted a dog from the ex's mom (we'll call her gma).  So they have established a bit of a relationship with gma, and we see her at kid's birthday parties and stuff but she and I aren't close.  We make small talk and are nice to each other and she sometimes emails or texts me pictures of the kid (he is my godson), but  I'm actually quite uncomfortable around her since she has a tendancy to say really bizarre and inappropriate things.  And she keeps encouraging my brother and the ex to have another kid, since kid 1 is so cute.  Bro and ex basically can't stand each other, plus ex is now dating bro's (now ex) best friend.  Ex is invited to the wedding because kid is in it and ex and I are fine, but  gma is not invited to the wedding, nor did it ever cross my mind to invite her.  End b/g.

 The wedding is in 5 days.  In the last few weeks, gma has been pestering her daughter and my 2 sisters to beg me for an invitation, because she wants to see kid go down the aisle in his little tux.  Gma has seen him in the tux already at home.  Ex flatly refused to beg me for an invitation and told gma if she isn't invited it's not up to her to beg for it.  My sisters, on the other hand, felt it was their personal responsibility to get gma invited.  One even offered to pay for her and bring her as her date. :P  They said I have to because she's family, to which I responded she is kid's gma, not mine.

2 days ago, I received an email from gma:  "Would it be okay to stand at the back during your wedding? I won't let Kid see me, but I wanted to see him walk down the aisle in his tux. And, of course, see you guys get married. ;) If not, no problem."

I was floored.  Lol I'm starting to hate email.  I haven't responded because again, don't know what to say to that.  I really don't want her there and will feel bad if she shows up because we aren't inviting anyone to the ceremony and not the reception, and vice versa.  What do you say to someone asking permission to crash your wedding?  I know her well enough to know that if she does come to the ceremony, she will weasle her way in to the reception as well.  How would you handle this?

Situation 3 will be in a seperate post.  Any advice you have would be greatly appreciated.

Re: You're not invited situation 2

  • Good god, f'real?

    THERES A SITUATION THREE?! I thought you were onlike situation like...7 at this point.
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  • Thanks, please refrain if you can't be nice or helpful at all.  I'm new at this and am trying.
  • Say no.  Don't answer the phone.  From what I can tell you don't have any relationship with this woman.  Ignore her.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_not-invited-situation-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9ec800a7-8ac7-46fd-8ce7-d34b13c2a651Post:f367dde7-16c7-4594-b24e-807af0f281f8">Re: You're not invited situation 2</a>:
    [QUOTE]Thanks, please refrain if you can't be nice or helpful at all.  I'm new at this and am trying.
    Posted by tonyandnina[/QUOTE]

    If you're a long time lurker though, I'm sure you've seen lots of other posts like this. Go find them. No need to write a novel.
  • Again, I wouldn't answer.  Your wedding is in a church, right?  Those are generally open to the public.  If she wants to see him that badly, she'll show up, watch, and then leave.  If you acknowledge her request it'll probably mushroom to the reception. 

    In either case, send gma a pic of the kid after the wedding and call it a day.
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  • Cliffnotes: OP's brother has a baby with an ex.  Kid is the ringbearer.  Kid's grandma (bro's ex's mom) wants to come to the wedding to see the kid go down the aisle in his tux.  OP is uncomfortable with bro's kid's ex's mom coming to the wedding, although she is cool with bro's ex, who is coming.  OP's sisters are close with bro's ex's mom for some reason and are pestering OP to invite her.  OP got an email from bro's ex's mom asking if she can come stand in the back of the ceremony.
  • Just say no. BTW, the fact that your brother and her daughter aren't together anymore wouldn't matter to me. My brother's in-laws (ex or not) would never be invited to my wedding, and they're very nice, but that's a pretty distant connection.
  • Church weddings are generally open to the public, I think I would just let her come.
  • Yeah I'm with others I don't think I'd respond. But, again, others are right, she could just walk right into the church the day of the wedding if she wanted to, so I suppose I'd keep an eye out for her crashing the reception. I would however, just to be nice, send her some pictures of her grandkid walking down the aisle once your proshots are in (if you get electronic copies from your photographer).
  • "Sorry, I'll see if we can get you some pics after the fact."
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  • I would suggest ignoring her and sending her pics afterwards. As PPs said, a church is public, so if she's that desperate to see the kid she can feasibly just show up anyway - sorry you're dealing with this!
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