Wedding Etiquette Forum

Save The Dates...

We originally wanted to get married in Florida, but after a few months of everyone complaining about it we changed it back to our home state, Illinois. Now four months before the big day we decided it's our day and we want to do it in Florida, so it's officially back there... We wanted a small wedding of about 50 people in Florida, but when we sent Save The Dates for Illinois it grew to be about 100... We're willing to bring it up to about 75 people, but do we un-invite those 25 who we already sent a Save The Date?? 

Re: Save The Dates...

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_can-univite-after-sent-save-date?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9ecb77f3-6999-4d7b-8b23-6be8fc06d214Post:9338e6a3-2de0-4fc8-9fc7-0424bf04fb80">Can I univite after I sent a Save The Date??</a>:
    [QUOTE]We originally wanted to get married in Florida, but after a few months of everyone complaining about it we changed it back to our home state, Illinois. Now four months before the big day we decided it's our day and we want to do it in Florida, so it's officially back there... We wanted a small wedding of about 50 people in Florida, but when we sent Save The Dates for Illinois it grew to be about 100... We're willing to bring it up to about 75 people, but how do we un-invite those 25 who we already sent a Save The Date?? 
    Posted by Vintage2010[/QUOTE]

    No.  This is incredibly rude.  You should have figured this out before you sent STDs, sorry.
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  • I would say you're stuck with inviting them, but with moving the location to FL, I'm sure you're going to have a lot less people able to attend.
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  • This is partially why I think a lot of people shouldn't send STDs.  You need to invite these people now that you've sent them a STD.  Like Whit said, since it's in FL, you'll likely have fewer people attend.
  • Money, you're so right about STDs. I wish we hadn't done them. We sent STDs, changed the date, had to resend them, it was a huge PITA. Not that expensive, because I used free postcards fro Vistaprint, but still.
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  • Did your Save the Date indicate the location of the ceremony (ie City and State)?  If it did, you've got bigger issues on your hands in addition to your too large guestlist.
  • You don't.  Find a venue in FL that accomodates 100 people. 
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  • Why didn't you decide this before you sent out save the dates. You CAN NOT un-invite people at this point unless you truly want no sort of relationship with them. Frankly, I'd be super pissed if you did this to me.

    Either find a venue in Florida where you can afford all 100 people who received the STDs or keep the wedding in Indiana.
  • Of course, you are free to do what ever you please, but if you don't send an invitation to all of the people you sent to STD to, you will be considered extremely rude and will reflect poorly on you. 
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_can-univite-after-sent-save-date?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9ecb77f3-6999-4d7b-8b23-6be8fc06d214Post:285856bf-6ff6-4cfa-8fe3-1a0095f4351c">Re: Can I univite after I sent a Save The Date??</a>:
    [QUOTE]Did your Save the Date indicate the location of the ceremony (ie City and State)?  If it did, you've got bigger issues on your hands in addition to your too large guestlist.
    Posted by emarston1[/QUOTE]

    <div>This. It's very, very possible you have people on your list who have already booked flights and hotel rooms for Illinois.</div>
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  • Don't worry about having to "un-invite" them. Usually about 10% of your invited guests don't come, and after that, 10% of the ones who say they're coming don't end up showing up. Chances are, you'll end up with about 70. I know its more than your desired 50 but it's worth the extra 15 so you don't hurt people's feelings! :)
  • JoyTate1JoyTate1 member
    100 Comments
    edited July 2010
    Well, it quit being "your day" when you sent out Save the Dates (which = invites).  So, the whole "Screw all these people we already invited and may have made arrangements, it's OUR DAY" attitude is out of place.

    I realize you will do what you want regardless, but there is no polite way to tell those 25 people they are no longer invited.  So, if you do this, expect hurt feelings and backlash.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_can-univite-after-sent-save-date?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9ecb77f3-6999-4d7b-8b23-6be8fc06d214Post:9061b165-a4be-4747-a6f9-27ee96c9c5da">Re: Can I univite after I sent a Save The Date??</a>:
    [QUOTE]Don't worry about having to "un-invite" them. Usually about 10% of your invited guests don't come, and after that, 10% of the ones who say they're coming don't end up showing up. Chances are, you'll end up with about 70. I know its more than your desired 50 but it's worth the extra 15 so you don't hurt people's feelings! :)
    Posted by kellie royn[/QUOTE]


    There's no formula that's accurate for this.  We've had knotties with over 100% attendance and some with 40% attendance.  You need to plan and be able to pay for 100% of the guests you invite. 

    And, since you sent STDs to 100 people, you need to invite every single one of those people.  Further, if you said on the STD (or your website or by word of mouth, etc.) that the wedding would be in Illinois on that date, I think you need to honor that too.  If NOBODY who got an STD would have had to travel, then you'll need to send an update to everyone with the changed location ASAP, but if people could have made travel arrangements, I think you need to call each of those people individually and find out if they've bought non-refundable tickets before you confirm a change to Florida.
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  • The only way to do this is if you completely cancel the event you were going to have and elope, or maybe take immediate family with you.  There is definitely NO way to just cut 25% of your guest list, but have a traditional wedding with the other 75%.
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  • Do all the people know that the ceremony was originally in one place?  Really, it should still be there unless you're prepared to pay people for expenses they incurred for travel.

    And yes, if you still move the ceremony and reception location, you need to invite everyone that received a STD.
  • Think of wedding STDs like regular STDs. When in doubt, avoid them.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_can-univite-after-sent-save-date?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9ecb77f3-6999-4d7b-8b23-6be8fc06d214Post:ffb9b3ee-b026-4ce3-8aba-01dc458360dc">Re: Can I univite after I sent a Save The Date??</a>:
    [QUOTE]Think of wedding STDs like regular STDs. When in doubt, avoid them.
    Posted by jessjo04[/QUOTE]

    Or at least don't spread them around indiscriminately!
  • Uninviting someone = ruined relationship
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_can-univite-after-sent-save-date?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9ecb77f3-6999-4d7b-8b23-6be8fc06d214Post:ffb9b3ee-b026-4ce3-8aba-01dc458360dc">Re: Can I univite after I sent a Save The Date??</a>:
    [QUOTE]Think of wedding STDs like regular STDs. When in doubt, avoid them.
    Posted by jessjo04[/QUOTE]
    rofl


    And, yeah, it can ruin a relationship. I'd be really hurt if I was expecting to be invited to a wedding and made plans for it, then all of a sudden, I hear "sorry, we invited too many people so you're cut from the list."
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  • I know someone who received a STD then didn't get invited to the wedding.  Not only was he extremely hurt, now all of the friends of the person who uninvited him think that he is a total prick for doing so.  Four months out is a bit late to make such a drastic location change.  STDs basically set the date, place and guest list in stone.  Many people need more than 4 months notice to travel.  They need airline tickets, hotels and time off of work.  Not to mention many people would need to work such a trip into their budget.  Not only is uninviting people rude, but I think suddenly turning it into a destination wedding is almost worse.  If you really want to do it in Florida why don't you change the date?  Many people decline destination weddings, with only four months notice you will probably have an even higher decline rate so I wpouldn't really worry about having 100 people there, but of course choose a place that can hold that many just in case.
  • Wow... I'm sensing so much anger!! lol First of all let me remind everyone that we wanted it in Florida and everyone guilt tripped us into staying here because it was what everyone else wanted, NOT what we wanted... So we sent out the Save The Dates (really don't abb. this peeps). Then his brother got married a few weeks later and did it the guilt tripped way.  Now they are upset that it wasn't THEIR wedding it was everyone else's. So after much discussion with my man, we decided it's still our day whether we sent the Save The Dates or not...  All the info is still correct except the tiny location at the bottom, which I have already called everyone to explain about.  I understand 4 months is short notice, but we are in the same boat of finding a flight, hotel, AND planning a wedding in that time, so I'm sure those who want to come will make it happen... Also, there was only two people on the out-of-town guest list and they both live in Florida and have not made arrangements to come here yet...  And I agree, i do not have the heart to tell people they can not come, so the 50 couples I sent Save The Dates to will be invited, but the other 40 couples on my personal guest list for the Illinois wedding are now crossed off and no feelings will be hurt because they didn't know they were invited...
  • edited July 2010
    There's no anger.  Everyone's just telling you so that you'll know, because there will be anger among people you actually know and not internet strangers if you don't invite people who received STDs. 

    None of the info you added is relevant at all.  You let yourself be a doormat and then later decided to stand up for yourself.  That's no one's fault but your own.   Now you are going to inconvenience everyone, whereas if you had just said "well, this is what our wedding is, if you can't come, we understand," everything would have worked out.  I'm sure all 100 of your guests didn't guilt trip you, so you're effectively punishing people who did nothing wrong. 
  • Umm... if you read my message I said I was inviting them so settle down... sweet geez! All of the info I say is relevant, so don't tell me what isn't... Besides almost all of my guests wanted to go to Florida and were disappointed when I said we were staying here. Which we only did cuz our immediate family blew it out of proportion cuz we wouldn't have a 200 person guest list and be married in a church... Yes, I should of had more balls and stuck w our original plan, but we aren't all like you...
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_can-univite-after-sent-save-date?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:9ecb77f3-6999-4d7b-8b23-6be8fc06d214Post:c08a9176-7b5f-40a2-92dd-2fe248b5fe83">Re: Can I univite after I sent a Save The Date??</a>:
    [QUOTE]Umm... if you read my message I said I was inviting them so settle down... sweet geez! All of the info I say is relevant, so don't tell me what isn't... Besides almost all of my guests wanted to go to Florida and were disappointed when I said we were staying here. Which we only did cuz our immediate family blew it out of proportion cuz we wouldn't have a 200 person guest list and be married in a church... Yes, I should of had more balls and stuck w our original plan, but we aren't all like you...
    Posted by Vintage2010[/QUOTE]

    So you're not like people who don't jerk their guests around?
  • I don't understand your double negative sentence... lol try properly rephrasing it...
  • Seriously?

    OK, I'll bite:  So you're not like the people who treat their guests nicely?

    OR,

    So you're more like the people who jerk their guests around??


    I can keep going.  :-)
  • Are you joking or can you not read?? :)
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