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Mean Sister/MOH- HELP!

Ok. This may get long. I have a sister who is 3 years older than me. She got married in 2008 to a man she dated for over 3 years before getting engaged. He is very nice and I am very happy for them. I did a LOT of her wedding planning, research, and basically everything she didn't want to do. I like to think I was a great MOH. And now it is her turn.

First of all, she was not overly supportive or excited when I got engaged. I am marrying fabulous man my parents and friends all love, but she likes my old, awful boyfriend better (he called me homely). Then, anytime I tried to bring up anything wedding, she got an attitude with me and just ignored me. We have very different styles and tastes, and she is super not supportive of anything I want or do. She had a huge (325+ people) wedding that was very traditional and I thought fairly generic. She loved it, so I did too.

Now, I am doing things my own way, and she cannot handle it. She thinks I am wasting money left and right on things (which I am not). We are having 200 people (which is an accomplishment for two people in the Greek system). I want cupcakes instead of a traditional cake. She says that is silly. She doesn't understand why I would spend more than $600 on a dress and why I don't want strapless, white, and beaded (my dress is tea-length, lace, and fabulous). The last straw was when I showed her a picture of what my dress will look like (it is not yet made) and she said "Ick, that's not cute. It doesn't even look like a wedding dress."

What the heck am I supposed to do with a terrible, witchy, MOH?

My roommate/bridesmaid and FI say that I should just not include her in anything and leave her alone, but I know she will regret not being involved in the future.
My mom says that I should give her space and she will eventually come around. Well, I have been engaged 8 months and NOTHING. HELP!!!

Re: Mean Sister/MOH- HELP!

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    Your wedding is not as important to anyone as it is to you.  If you don't like her opinion.  Stop asking for it and showing her stuff to critique.
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    anna.oskaranna.oskar member
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    edited January 2010
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mean-sistermoh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9f91962b-eb3e-444a-98ce-7d9d29159dcbPost:08620f1a-8378-49da-95b2-09f555619702">Mean Sister/MOH- HELP!</a>:
    [QUOTE] My roommate/bridesmaid and FI say that I should just not include her in anything and leave her alone, but I know she will regret not being involved in the future. My mom says that I should give her space and she will eventually come around. Well, I have been engaged 8 months and NOTHING. HELP!!!
    Posted by AmandaK2010[/QUOTE]

    They're right.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mean-sistermoh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9f91962b-eb3e-444a-98ce-7d9d29159dcbPost:08620f1a-8378-49da-95b2-09f555619702">Mean Sister/MOH- HELP!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Ok. This may get long. I have a sister who is 3 years older than me. She got married in 2008 to a man she dated for over 3 years before getting engaged. He is very nice and I am very happy for them. I did a LOT of her wedding planning, research, and basically everything she didn't want to do. I like to think I was a great MOH. And now it is her turn. First of all, she was not overly supportive or excited when I got engaged. I am marrying fabulous man my parents and friends all love, but she likes my old, awful boyfriend better (he called me homely). Then, anytime I tried to bring up anything wedding, she got an attitude with me and just ignored me. We have very different styles and tastes, and she is super not supportive of anything I want or do. She had a huge (325+ people) wedding that was very traditional and I thought fairly generic. She loved it, so I did too. Now, I am doing things my own way, and she cannot handle it. She thinks I am wasting money left and right on things (which I am not). We are having 200 people (which is an accomplishment for two people in the Greek system). I want cupcakes instead of a traditional cake. She says that is silly. She doesn't understand why I would spend more than $600 on a dress and why I don't want strapless, white, and beaded (my dress is tea-length, lace, and fabulous). The last straw was when I showed her a picture of what my dress will look like (it is not yet made) and she said "Ick, that's not cute. It doesn't even look like a wedding dress." What the heck am I supposed to do with a terrible, witchy, MOH? <strong>My roommate/bridesmaid and FI say that I should just not include her in anything and leave her alone, but I know she will regret not being involved in the future. My mom says that I should give her space and she will eventually come around. </strong>Well, I have been engaged 8 months and NOTHING. HELP!!!
    Posted by AmandaK2010[/QUOTE]
    they're right. leave her out of the planning. all she is required to do is show up on the day of and look pretty. do not demote her or kick her out though--that is beyond rude. if she regrets not being involved later, that is her own damn fault.
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    Have you talked to her about her crappy attitude? I wouldn't be concerned about her future regrets. Those are hers to earn by how she's acting now. If it's stressing you out, stop sharing the wedding planning with her. You'll be better off doing things on your own.



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    Deal with it?  Just do what you want, its not her wedding.
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    Your roommate/bridesmaid and your FI are right. That was a terrible thing for her to say, but it's not like you can beat her with a stick til she's excited about your wedding and has learned to say nice things. And don't worry about what you think she'll miss. You're going to save yourself some frustration if you just let it go now, and stop telling your sister wedding details. If anyone will be sorry for missing anytihng, it'll be her.
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    a) you didn't have to ask her to be your MOH

    b) it doesn't matter how much you did for hers. Although it was very nice of you, she is under no obligation whatsoever to plan your wedding for you.

    It would be nice if she was more supportive of the marriage, yes, but I think you've learned by now that you just shouldn't rely on her for planning an emotional support. It sucks, I agree, but there's nothing you can do.  It's not your problem if she regrets not being involved in the future, it's her problem.  You've tried to include her, I think she's made it pretty obvious she doesn't want to help with anything, so focus on those that are supportive, plan the wedding with your FI, and hope that your relationship with your sister improves in general without having anything to do with the wedding.
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    Leave her out of the planning. If you talk wedding to her, you will walk away with your feelings hurt, so stop talking about your wedding to her. You don't need her to help you with everything and if she's just going to criticize everything I can't imagine why you'd want her help anyway!

    If she regrets it in the future that is on her and is no one's fault but her own.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mean-sistermoh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9f91962b-eb3e-444a-98ce-7d9d29159dcbPost:08620f1a-8378-49da-95b2-09f555619702">Mean Sister/MOH- HELP!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Ok. This may get long. I have a sister who is 3 years older than me. She got married in 2008 to a man she dated for over 3 years before getting engaged. He is very nice and I am very happy for them. I did a LOT of her wedding planning, research, and basically everything she didn't want to do. I like to think I was a great MOH. And now it is her turn. First of all, she was not overly supportive or excited when I got engaged. I am marrying fabulous man my parents and friends all love, but she likes my old, awful boyfriend better (he called me homely). Then, anytime I tried to bring up anything wedding, she got an attitude with me and just ignored me. We have very different styles and tastes, and she is super not supportive of anything I want or do. She had a huge (325+ people) wedding that was very traditional and I thought fairly generic. She loved it, so I did too. Now, I am doing things my own way, and she cannot handle it. She thinks I am wasting money left and right on things (which I am not). We are having 200 people (which is an accomplishment for two people in the Greek system). I want cupcakes instead of a traditional cake. She says that is silly. She doesn't understand why I would spend more than $600 on a dress and why I don't want strapless, white, and beaded (my dress is tea-length, lace, and fabulous). The last straw was when I showed her a picture of what my dress will look like (it is not yet made) and she said "Ick, that's not cute. It doesn't even look like a wedding dress." What the heck am I supposed to do with a terrible, witchy, MOH? My roommate/bridesmaid and FI say that I should just not include her in anything and leave her alone, but I know she will regret not being involved in the future. My mom says that I should give her space and she will eventually come around. Well, I have been engaged 8 months and NOTHING. HELP!!!
    Posted by AmandaK2010[/QUOTE]

    It sounds like she is being a brat. The only thing you can do is stop talking wedding details with her entirely.
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    I think you need to back off a bit.  In your post you said,

    [QUOTE] I did a LOT of her wedding planning, research, and basically everything she didn't want to do. I like to think I was a great MOH. And now it is her turn. AmandaK2010[/QUOTE]

    I think you need to understand that it isn't "her turn" for anything but to be her sister's MOH. 

    Relax on what you show her.  Instead, be firm with what you choose but only if asked.  If other friends are into doing stuff, by all means go with them.

    My guess:  she's either VERY into herself and believes that you can only do things her way OR she's also wondering why she didn't think a bit outside the box to add some of her own unique flair and personality to her wedding like you are.

    Either way, the result of her feelings is someone who isn't so fun - so just don't force it.  You can't "make" like the stuff you like but rest assured, your unique flair is what can make your wedding fun.
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    Leave it to her to decide if she'll regret it. She makes her own decisions, and if she's not interested and/or is overly negative, you should not be trying to force her to be involved. Just go on with your planning and if she wants to be involved, she'll no doubt show some interest.
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    Thank you ladies so much for the advice.  It is good to have affirmation of what my roommate/FI say because I have a hard time.  I am very much the little sister who idealizes her older sister.  I need to get over it...I am a grown woman. 

    I appreciate your help!
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    Sounds like she is jealous of you for some reason.  I don't get the fact she would prefer an old BF of yours who called you homely.
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