Another issue I'm having..

allychase

So my MOH is my aunt and her and I are very open about discussing my wedding shower, she, my other bridesmaids, my mom and FMIL are all helping. That's all I know. I don't really want this shower to be a "surprise" because I know I'm having one and would rather be prepared and help that day. With that said, I've already talked to my MOH about helping buy things for the shower, decorations and serving trays and things of that sort. I have no problem contributing to my own shower, and I didn't ask ANYONE to throw me one, it's just protocol in both mine and FI family that the bridal party throws the shower, and both FSIL are BMs. Asking them to not be involved in throwing it for me to spare them paying isn't an option and would be a very bad idea on my part. But here's my problem, whenever I mention buying this or that for the shower or using the save the date banner I made to hang up at the shower my FMIL keeps reminding me I have no say in the shower.. But my MOH has no problems with me helping to plan. They have not talked to eachother yet because my shower is still probably 5 or 6 months away but I don't know how to address this problem with everyone involved, because my MOH is the only one not stuck with the idea that the bride shouldn't be involved in planning. If I'm willing to help pay for this shower, which is essentially a party dedicated to giving me gifts so I don't think that's out of line for me to help, shouldn't I get the say that I don't want it to be a surprise and I want to help plan? Basically me and MOH are on the same page, me and FMIL are not. If I come off as whiny I apologize, my intent here is to alleviate as much of the cost and planning of my shower as possible.

Snippylynn

Yeah, see, here in action is the point I just made in another post. Your FMIL is correct. You are not to be involved in the planning for your shower. If other people are throwing it for you, keep your nose out of it. You don't throw your own party, and you don't tell the people who ARE throwing your party how it should be done.

You sound like you need to take a chill pill. You're on wedding control overload.

mkrupar

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_another-issue-im-having?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a0768772-64f7-4c5e-9572-0fbd682b353dPost:1dfca1ca-b502-49bc-b97e-ed2e78c0ec54">Another issue I'm having..</a>:
[QUOTE]So my MOH is my aunt and her and I are very open about discussing my wedding shower, she, my other bridesmaids, my mom and FMIL are all helping. That's all I know. I don't really want this shower to be a "surprise" because I know I'm having one and would rather be prepared and help that day. With that said, I've already talked to my MOH about helping buy things for the shower, decorations and serving trays and things of that sort. I have no problem contributing to my own shower, and I didn't ask ANYONE to throw me one, it's just protocol in both mine and FI family that the bridal party throws the shower, and both FSIL are BMs. Asking them to not be involved in throwing it for me to spare them paying isn't an option and would be a very bad idea on my part. But here's my problem, whenever I mention buying this or that for the shower or using the save the date banner I made to hang up at the shower my FMIL keeps reminding me I have no say in the shower.. But my MOH has no problems with me helping to plan. They have not talked to eachother yet because my shower is still probably 5 or 6 months away but I don't know how to address this problem with everyone involved, because my MOH is the only one not stuck with the idea that the bride shouldn't be involved in planning.<strong> If I'm willing to help pay for this shower, which is essentially a party dedicated to giving me gifts so I don't think that's out of line for me to help, shouldn't I get the say that I don't want it to be a surprise and I want to help plan?</strong> Basically me and MOH are on the same page, me and FMIL are not. If I come off as whiny I apologize, my intent here is to alleviate as much of the cost and planning of my shower as possible.
Posted by allychase[/QUOTE]

<div>You need to chill. The bolded is the most incorrect statement I've ever seen. Are you listening to yourself? A shower is  party thrown in your honor. You don't get to dictate what other people plan for you. Just let FMIL & MOH figure it out and enjoy the party THEY plan for you. </div>