Help end an argument for me!

kcshield

OK so here is the deal! It is my general impression that favors have really just become big in the last 10 yrs. My mom and the FMIL are were both 30+ moms and I am a young (22) bride...the future in law's are not originally from the US  so they do not do favors. My mom has never even heard of favors since i am the youngest person in my family by about 14 years + ...seriously the last family wedding I went to I was the flower girl in!

So here is my main point. They are paying almost 100% of the wedding and they do not want them because they think they are totally unnecessary...and frankly so do I but I have received a favor at literally ALL of my friends weddings and I know my family wont be offended if we didn't do it I think my friends would be offended if we didn't. I know that if I had them most family members would just leave them behind. I know I cant just put favors on the "friends" tables and not on the "family" tables... I am at such a cross road here because I know if I want them and the parents don't agree I have to pay for it ( like my photo booth) and that's another expense x 200! HELP...Opinions please!

mags0607

We are having them, but I do think they have become more popular in the last few years.

If its not in your budget, you do not need to have them unless you really want them. And, if you do have them, I am of the mindset that edible is best.

Moneypenny424

I just answered this on SB, but if you can't afford it, don't do it.  IMHO, unless favors are edible, I don't want them.

LesaBear

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_end-argument?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a0fc0857-eb49-4d1c-842e-95102622c3baPost:e31f9f0f-e0e3-48d1-8364-a64b8229ab49">Help end an argument for me!</a>:
[QUOTE]OK so here is the deal! It is my general impression that favors have really just become big in the last 10 yrs. My mom and the FMIL are were both 30+ moms and I am a young (22) bride...the future in law's are not originally from the US  so they do not do favors. My mom has never even heard of favors since i am the youngest person in my family by about 14 years + ...seriously the last family wedding I went to I was the flower girl in! So here is my main point. They are paying almost 100% of the wedding and they do not want them because they think they are totally unnecessary...and frankly so do I but I have received a favor at literally ALL of my friends weddings and I know my family wont be offended if we didn't do it I think my friends would be offended if we didn't. I know that if I had them most family members would just leave them behind. I know I cant just put favors on the "friends" tables and not on the "family" tables... I am at such a cross road here because <strong>I know if I want them and the parents don't agree I have to pay for it ( like my photo booth)</strong> and that's another expense x 200! HELP...Opinions please!
Posted by kcshield[/QUOTE]


Really I think you should be willing to pay for anything involved in your wedding. Small candies would be a cheap way to settle this one.

tidetravel

FYI - You don't need to post this on every board.

WildRumpus

We're doing these (the cookies):
http://www.williams-sonoma.com/products/message-in-a-cookie-cutter-set/?pkey=ccookie-cutters-pancake-molds



I'm all about edible favors. If it's something that won't do me much good (ie, a koozie w/ your face on it, I'm not interested.

JennaV26

I've never been to a wedding without favors so I say find something really cheap and pay for them yourself. My parents are also paying for my wedding and there are a couple of things I really wanted that my parents didn't think were important so I chose to pay for them myself.

mica178

If you're doing a photo booth, that's enough of a favor. 

PharmacyBride

My photobooth is my favor, but since i am not doing a traditional favor, I voted no

ootmother2

It seems to be a rather minor point and they are paying.

How stongly do you feel about this?

Theresa626

Get them and pay for them yourself.  But, don't make your parents pay because they really aren't necessary.  

eastunder1

I really like edible favors.  I'm a big fan of cookies and m&ms.  But I would never notice or care if they weren't there.  To me, favors are just "meh."   I think most people feel the same way.  But if its something you feel really strongly about, I would just order something low key and simple, pay for it yourself, and downplay the whole issue to your mom.  Something like "Oh by the way, I saw some cute cookies a few weeks ago so I went ahead and ordered them."    Then change the subject and move on. 

quotequeen

The poll doesn't ask the right question.  I am having favors because my mom wants to make chocolates.  I may or may not get something interesting to put them in.

If you had asked whether I thought they were remotely necessary, or would be offended if they weren't there, the answer is no.

kbmeow

we are paying for our own wedding.  And I am having favors.  I did something on the low end side.  I found favor boxes on clearance ( 50 for $1) I am putting hersheys kisses in them and tieing with simple ribbon.  And kisses go n sale all the time.  I just got a bunch buy one get one free plus I had a coupon.

jlmarks83

Our place card holders are large candy bars wrapped in silver (one of our wedding colors).  But the guests are also receiving an engraved pen at their seat.

While we are having favors, I don't think they're absolutely necessary.

squirrly

We had these:



They were less than 50 cents per person and tasted great.  Directions here:
http://squirrlyplanning.weebly.com/favors.html

ohwhynot

We're not having them.  I have to disagree with the earlier post about "just get something cheap and call it a day."  Unless it's edible, no one wants a piece of cheap clutter. 

Favors are not necessary; your parents are correct.  However, if they are important to you pay for them yourself. 

TheCranberry

I don't think favors are necessary, and I throw them away unless they're edible in which case I eat them and then forget about them.

However..... I want a photobooth so that will be our favor.  If you're having a photobooth I think that is favor enough.

parker624

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_end-argument?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a0fc0857-eb49-4d1c-842e-95102622c3baPost:c605a4cd-e125-4213-8893-27e82d68a5fb">Re: Help end an argument for me!</a>:
[QUOTE]We're not having them.  I have to disagree with the earlier post about "just get something cheap and call it a day."  Unless it's edible, no one wants a piece of cheap clutter.  Favors are not necessary; your parents are correct.  However, if they are important to you pay for them yourself. 
Posted by ohwhynot[/QUOTE]

Ditto! 

Your photobooth is enough of a favor, so long as guests get to take pictures home with them.

cengle

I had them, but they were ridiculously cheap.  I had a Christmas wedding, so I gave out candy canes, so 12 for less than a dollar at Wal-Mart.
And I agree with everyone else, if you're going to do them, do something edible. But I doubt anyone will miss them.  Favors are probably the least important thing to worry about.

jnic0319

I think part of this is dependent on your budget.  If your parents are giving you $3000 and that's your entire wedding budget, I don't think favors would be missed.  However if you have a $50,000 wedding budget, a designer gown, etc, and don't give favors I think you look like an ass.

We're doing truffles and a donation (which I know some people disagree with, but both grandmas were diagnosed with breast cancer 6 months ago, we're giving to that cause).

noodle_oo

Not sure if we are doing them yet or not. 

However, I think they are completely unneccessary.  I guarantee most people won't even notice if you don't have them.

If you do them, don't do some knick knack that nobody wants.  That is just a waste of money.

In your situation, here's my opinion:  if you want them, then you have to pay for them.  Your parents are paying 100% for your wedding.  If they don't want to pay for favors, don't brow beat them into doing them by saying "but everyone else has done them!".  Be gracious about the fact that your parents are spending all this money on you and if you want something they don't want to pay for, just do them yourself.  You sound a bit ungrateful when you point out the stuff that you have to pay for while your parents are picking up the majority of the tab.  A lot of brides are paying for the entire shindig themselves without complaining.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

Well, I think favors used to be things like matchbooks with the couples' names. Only recently have people been giving out personalized mini wine bottles and fudge, IMO.

I would never be offended to not get a favor, which ususally costs in the realm of $.50 to $3.00 each. Especially if I'm traveling to a wedding. One less thing to take home.

aprilhaynes

I'm doing favors.

That being said, I think it is perfectly acceptable to go without.

I would be MORE concerned and offended by what you said about a FRIEND who was offended ... because I didn't give them a favor at a wedding. If that's what it comes down to, that doesn't bode well for the friendship IMO, and I would not live my life to try to please people with that mindset.

I Want Cake

We're having favors, but mostly because I'm making truffles and they're really easy for me to DIY them since I already have everything on hand (besides chocolate and cream), and we're also having a candy buffet. 

If you're worried about what your friends will think, will they really hold a grudge because they didn't walk away from your wedding with a cheap candle or something to eat and forget about?  If you can afford to do them and you want to, by all means do, but if you don't want to bother, nobody should hold it against you, and if they do, they're petty.

CLSchramm

I've only gotten favors at the last two weddings I went to. Before that, I dont remember that the couple had anything. We did M&Ms in our colors in clear plastic boxes from Michael's and everyone loved them. However, I won't lie, it wasn't cheap, and it was a lot of work. Am I glad I did them? Meh, I'm still not sure it was worth all the stress, and some people left them behind. All in all, favors are nice, but definitely not necessary.

Shasha3100

Since everyone is saying to go with edible is it a horrible idea to have the escort cards be plantable paper with wildflower seeds in it? We weren't going to have favors, but I saw some escort cards with this concept and I liked it. Is it stupid? The back of the card would have instructions.

wadingmoose

We had favors - caramel corn.  They're actually less popular here now than they were in the past.

That said, I've never, ever been to a wedding without favors.