Really, Dad?

quotequeen

FI and I decided to keep our RD small and casual because we really don't want a big thing the night before the wedding.  Well, my dad is insisting that I send an email to my uncles and cousins on his side to tell them that they're not invited to the RD and give them some restaurant suggestions.  (Not that I know anything about restaurants in that area since we're not getting married where we live, but whatever.)

The backstory on this is that for my cousin's wedding last year, somebody (maybe my brother) sent an email asking about the schedule of events in order to plan stuff, and then we were all (presumably accidentally) copied on an email chain in which my uncle said he would pay for all of us at the RD, so we were then invited to the RD a few days before the wedding.  So my dad thinks that in order to avoid that sort of confusion, I need to tell everybody that they're not invited.

Sigh.

squirrly

I'd flat refuse.  Sorry, Dad. 

twilight.rose

I would think that if people don't receive word to the contrary, they would assume they aren't invited to the RD. Without an invitation, how would they know time, location, etc.?

Maybe try explaining to your dad that making a point of telling people they aren't invited to something is rather a slap in the face.

TTiger03

I wouldn't purposefully send out a "you're not invited to my party" email.  Just be very careful with what you do send so that you don't have the same mix up they had.

If you dad insists on sending an email he can send it himself.  However, this would be incredibly inappropriate if he is not paying for the RD since it would not be his party.  

You obviously know what is right, so stick what you want and refuse to send that email.

cengle

Yeah, that's silly. So long as you don't have the same email mishap where everyone is copied on the email, I doubt the extended family will assume they're invited.

quotequeen

Maybe try explaining to your dad that making a point of telling people they aren't invited to something is rather a slap in the face.

Oh, believe me, I tried.  He insists that "there's a way to do this."

danieliza1127

Well there is a way to do it, if you really feel like you have to.  You could just send something out and say something like:

"Since you all are from out of town, here are some local restaurants and things to do in the area during your stay!"

Then list some restaurants and things to do.

You don't have to mention the RD at all.

I wouldn't leave this to your Dad to do.  I have a feeling his wording might be a bit less tactful than yours since you already know it's awkward and he doesn't seem to think it is.

LuluP82

I do think there's a way to do it. Obviously, emailing them and telling them they're not invited isn't it, though.

What you could do is send them a wedding weekend itinerary. As in the ceremony starts at x time in y place, reception at a time in b place. Then, attach a list of restaurants and activities to fill up the rest of the weekend. No mention of the RD. Or of anything else they're not invited to.

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_really-dad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a15ace43-0401-4e67-98a5-9bc0a9bab780Post:4dd6e973-d0c9-4d10-b939-3b032866cee1">Re: Really, Dad?</a>:
[QUOTE]Well there is a way to do it, if you really feel like you have to.  You could just send something out and say something like: "Since you all are from out of town, here are some local restaurants and things to do in the area during your stay!" Then list some restaurants and things to do. You don't have to mention the RD at all. I wouldn't leave this to your Dad to do.  I have a feeling his wording might be a bit less tactful than yours since you already know it's awkward and he doesn't seem to think it is.
Posted by danieliza1127[/QUOTE]


Exactly what I was going to say. Avoid the topic of the RD, but it is always nice to let OOT people what is available around the area.

AbbeyS2011

Last time I checked, the RD was for the wedding party, and their immediate families (spouses/kids) and parents of the Bride/Groom.  Period. 

Just becaue I came into town for a cousin/niece/nephews wedding, I would not assume I could attend the RD unless I was specifically invited.  I would be offended to receive a "this is where/when the RD is, and you can't come" email/letter/note.  I would LOVE to have a listing/note in my OOT bag with restaurants, sites to see/visit during my stay since I am not familiar with the area.(you may want to leave off the one where your RD is taking place LOL)

Good Luck!

quotequeen

Last time I checked, the RD was for the wedding party, and their immediate families (spouses/kids) and parents of the Bride/Groom.  Period. 

You do realize that a lot of people invite out of town guests or extended family to the RD, right?  So while this can be an accurate statement, it is certainly not necessarily the case.

I would LOVE to have a listing/note in my OOT bag with restaurants, sites to see/visit during my stay since I am not familiar with the area.

I'm not doing OOT bags.  I also have no idea when these people are arriving in town.