Dating Down

crfische

http://glo.msn.com/relationships/dating-down-1533626.story

Thoughts?

wadingmoose

[QUOTE]So a man might not rival Robert Pattinson in the looks department but if he's willing to please, emotionally engaged, and loyal, a woman will probably overlook his looks when deciding to pursue him.[/QUOTE]

Honestly, most of the hot guys I've met or even been friends with were complete jerks.  I wouldn't date them for all the money on the planet.

Ego is unattractive.

crfische

There was this guy in the bar the other day who apparently was a world class JET SKI RACER (wtf?) and I'm surprised that his head fit through the door. He was an ass. And not even good looking, but he was just a jerk to just about everyone there. I wanted to punch him.

waltzingmatilda13

I believe it. There has to be a reason all the "cute" guys in my graduating high school class are still single. I think they've been told all their lives that they are good looking and therefore think they don't have to actually be a nice human being and think they can score whoever they want. Of course, we would all say that our FI/H's are attractive, but I think it also comes with knowing what good people they are.

Personally, I love a nerdy cute guy who marries an attractive woman. I think they look so cute together. Which might be why I get so irrationally angry at Frank on the bachelorette for what he did to Ali. They were so cute!

AmoroAgain

Very interesting article.  The most shocking was this:

And considering there's a shortage of hot guys to go around these days, say researchers at the London School of Economics, the exchange between a lovely and a not-so-lovely works out perfectly. “An evolutionary strategy programmed into our DNA dictates that attractive people have 36 percent greater odds of having a daughter than a son,” says Satoshi Kanazawa Ph.D., a professor of management at the London School of Economics and Political Science. “Due to this evolutionary process and because physical attractiveness is highly heritable, there tends to be more beautiful women in the world than there are beautiful men.”

I have to admit that I purposely didn't date guys who were exceptionally good looking.  I found that most of them were assholes who didn't care about me and treated me like shiit.  The last relationship I had before H, the guy was quite ill, and had lost a lot of weight, and he constantly worried about why I was with him when he wasn't the typical attractive male- it was actually really difficult to explain to him that I actually trusted him MORE because he didn't fit that stereotype. 

H is cute, and he's my honey, but I wouldn't really say that either of us is better looking than the other, really.

Brie2010

H and I both feel like we married up when it comes to looks.  I think he's more attractive than I am, he thinks I'm out of his league.  It works well for us.

crfische

I admit I do this in the mall. I love to people watch and sometimes I'm just like...dude. That girl is way hotter than that guy or vice versa. Then I make up stories in my head about how they know each other.

wadingmoose

Also, a person's personality as I get to know them affects their attractiveness.  Some guys that I thought were absolutely HOT, lost a lot of that when I got to know them and became simply "meh."

kkchisholm

Well lucky for me I've got a hottie and a sweetie! haha

kkchisholm

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dating-down?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a1837834-2e8b-49de-9353-81ac2535f8bePost:4f5bce2e-c17d-440e-9110-7f7fb3ceecb5">Re: Dating Down</a>:
[QUOTE]I admit I do this in the mall. I love to people watch and sometimes I'm just like...dude. That girl is way hotter than that guy or vice versa. Then I make up stories in my head about how they know each other.
Posted by crfische[/QUOTE]

One of my favorate things to do out to dinner/shopping.

Stackeye210

I always dated up.......and always got sh*t on.  So then I dated down........and got sh*t on.  I think I just got lucky to end up with an "up" guy who is pretty awesome. 

danieliza1127

It seems obvious that a very attractive woman might go for a less attractive guy because he would appreciate her more you know?  He wouldn't always be looking for something better because he'd feel so lucky to have who he has. 

I think my H and I are pretty matched looks-wise.  We've actually never talked about it though.

Stackeye210

Good point moose!

wadingmoose

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dating-down?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a1837834-2e8b-49de-9353-81ac2535f8bePost:afb3a3ac-d329-452b-b3b9-d89b33d83145">Re: Dating Down</a>:
[QUOTE]I always dated up.......and always got sh*t on.  So then I dated down........and got sh*t on.  I think I just got lucky to end up with an "up" guy who is pretty awesome. 
Posted by Stackeye210[/QUOTE]


See, Stack, I don't see you as dating up.  Mr. Stack is hot, but so are you. 

Same as the MoneyPenny's.

Stackeye210

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dating-down?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a1837834-2e8b-49de-9353-81ac2535f8bePost:59f06700-d544-492f-ab11-0d90ccab0e04">Re: Dating Down</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Dating Down : See, Stack, I don't see you as dating up.  Mr. Stack is hot, but so are you.  Same as the MoneyPenny's.
Posted by wadingmoose[/QUOTE]

Well thank you very much - but I most certainly was dating UP when I met Mr Stack.  Luckily for me he saw the potential and helped me catch up to him. 

baystateapple

Sometimes I feel like FI is too cute to be dating me -- I could definitely lose some weight and my hair, to quote Jodi Picoult, "has its own zip code."  But he constantly says he feels like he dated up for education and social skills, since he's so much more shy than I am, and I've had more education than he has.  So I think it works out.

I went to a college that was 70-30 girls-to-guys ratio, and so every guy had at least three girls clamoring after him.  There was one REALLY cute guy in the English department (which is what I was in), that everyone crushed on.  And of course, he dated the hottest girl.  One day he walked into class with a huge chunk taken out of his perfect nose.  He'd tried to beat the $hit out of her and she clawed his face.  A few weeks later he got kicked out of the department (two months before graduation!) for plagiarizing his senior thesis.  Looks can be seriously deceiving.

kkchisholm

They talk about this on the Discovery chanel quite a bit.

FutureMrsTR

I remember reading that statistic in college; that couples where the woman is more attractive than the man are happier.  It makes sense and I like the way the article explains it.  Like Brie and her H, FI and I both think that the other one is better looking so it works out

Stackeye210

Moose - here's me probably about the same time I met Mr Stack (we had probably known each other about 2 months but hadn't started dating).  I'm the SUPER DUPER pasty one in the back.  I'm embarrassed a lot by this so just know you guys must be special to see it.    I was a mess! 

wadingmoose

You still look pretty good   But I'm used to super dooper pasty.  It's my curse.

kate51485

Well, people used to think that FI and I were brother and sister, so I'm not sure where that leaves us. Equal?  Haha.

mandapanda78

Ummm... I like to look at pretty guys and all, but nothing turns me on more than a really big brain. They use Salman Rushdie as an example of an unattractive guy, but he's one of the most intelligent people I've ever read so I've always been super attracted to him. This article doesn't say anything about other factors of attraction besides "You're hot" or "you'll give me what I want without me having to beg because you're just so grateful I'm willing to sleep with you."

Then again, I'm no J. Lo, so what do I know?

georgia_bride09

I've heard the same stat as TR. I think my FI and I agree that the other is as cute, if not cuter, so it works out.

aragx6

My Fi and I were friends for most of our freshman year of college before we started dating and he simply wasn't my type. i'd always dated (and crushed on) skinny, soccer player types and he looked like he should have been a football player. Famous last words, but when my mom met him and later told me how cute he was I responded with "Really?"

But time changed everything. He was there for me when I needed him, and over time I've come to think if him as one of the best looking guys I know. He's cuddly instead of scrawny and he has the sweetest smile I've ever seen.

I suspect girls -- who in my experience are less looks-obsessed to begin with -- form attraction more over time than "at first look" and even if that attraction isn't there at first it can truly form.

Trifury2007

I was with a really hot guy once and learned that no one could love him as much as he loved himself.  Been true in my life experiences again and again.  B and I are like Brie and her H, we both think the other is way better looking then we think of ourselves. 

tayylor65

I think my fiance is more attractive because he's both a genius and cute (he has a baby face when he shaves--I love it!) but he tells me he thinks I'm better looking. I think it all just has to do with the chemistry--if you have good chemistry both people are going to think the other is better looking .

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

To me, dating someone less attractive isn't "dating down." Though there have been articles over the last few years about women dating men with less education or a lower salary. I don't know if that's necessarily "down," though. It depends on the relationship and circumstances.

mags0607

I have dated both really attractive men, and really unattractive men. The one who was "hot" by any standards treated me like shiit because there was always someone else available if he wanted. It was a terrible mentality for him to have, and for me to put up with because I thought he was better looking. It ended badly, to say the least.

I think Rick is adorable, not in a "look at him, he's gorgeous" way, but there is something about him that has always attracted me to him. Plus, his personality is what I "really" fell in love with.  I think I'm lucky to have him, and he thinks I'm out of his league, so I think the key is mutual adoration. Sometimes the pretty people don't have that for their partners no matter if they are male of female.

FWIW, I have a gorgeous friend, who is quite possibly the prettiest woman I know in real life. He husband is 5'7, a little pudgy, and the best thing that has ever happened to her. We always joke with her that she may be pretty, but her husband is the "keeper"

saschaduran

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dating-down?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a1837834-2e8b-49de-9353-81ac2535f8bePost:58ddb31c-b167-4048-8a81-777a0db3a4a4">Re: Dating Down</a>:
[QUOTE]To me, dating someone less attractive isn't "dating down." Though there have been articles over the last few years about women dating men with less education or a lower salary. 
Posted by msmerymac[/QUOTE]

<div>This.  I don't think of attractiveness being a factor in dating down.   </div><div>
</div><div>I spent 10 years only dating really wealthy men with powerful, prestigious jobs, companies or lifestyles.  I found they were all either incapable of committing the proper time and energy into a relationship, or were incapable of passing up all of the other women throwing themselves at them. I had to reprogram myself to find "regular" guys attractive and give them a chance.  </div><div>
</div><div>When I finally opened myself up to dating a regular guy, I met my husband and finally felt what it felt like to be emotionally fulfilled and I have never been happier.</div><div>
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