Wedding Etiquette Forum

How do you discuss price with your officiant?

I am eager to book our officant, and get one more thing crossed off the list of to-do's.  However, I would like to ask my parent's pastor to officaite our wedding, and I have talked tohim about his availability as well as what he requires (we must complete counciling) but we did not talk about cost.  I spoke with him after sunday service and the subject would seem rude, and not the right focus, however, I am on a budget, and I just don't know how I should find out what it will cost, which will ultimately determine if we use him or not.

Any ideas?

Re: How do you discuss price with your officiant?

  • Mrs.B6302007Mrs.B6302007 member
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I would just flat out ask what his wedding/service fees are.  If he syas something more than your budget,  squeeze some pennies to find the difference.

    ETA: it's a business deal so try not to feel weird about bringing it up.  You could always shoot him an email and say , "I forgot to ask you how much your services are." or something along those lines.
    The Bee Hive Est. June 30, 2007
    "So I sing a song of love, Julia"
    06.10.10

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  • He may also wish for you to do an honorarium to the church in lieu of payment.  You could suggest that if it feels uncomfortable AFTER you ask about his fees.


  • Just ask him "What are the fees associated with getting married by you?" It won't be the first time he's asked that, I assure.

    Also: Officiate, to him, counseling
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  • Depending on the pastor and the church, there may not be a fee, especially as you're more or less a member. If you don't want to bring up "price" and "fee" and "money," you could try, "What are all the requirements, before and after the ceremony, for us to be married by you in this church?" That gives him a door to say, "counseling, clean-up, etc., etc., and $X fee."

    It would be against the laws of my Church to charge a fee for a church service, and as we progress through pre-marital counseling with the pastor, any silly concerns I have about a loophole go away.
  • You could also try talking to the church administrative assistant. That's who I went through first for initial inquiries.
  • Like the PP said... Most pastors have secretaries...If you are uncomfortable asking him ask her... 
  • I would ask what the suggested donation to the church is. In the religious community it is believed that you don't buy a blessing. When we asked the minster said the donation goes into the church discretionary fund to do things like send kids to church camp or support youth group. He also did not set an amounnt but suggested it be inline with floral spending. Our minister is very open and went on to say what they find offensive is when people have a 15k wedding and only donate $100-$200.
    That being said I have had friends who where married in churches that had a member and non-member fee and parents affiliation with the church only got them the discount if the couples minister sent a letter stating that they where in fact regularilt attending services.
  • It depends on the church, I know for us the fees are itemized at our church, how much it costs to pay someone to clean the building, etc... we're doing a DW and the Pastor is travelling so we were able to go through the 'standard fees' and see what applies to us
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_discuss-price-officiant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a2d68151-c47a-4701-beb4-286579e79b53Post:b2e43d89-e6a8-4bc8-81e4-595ca7f11c78">Re: How do you discuss price with your officiant?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I would ask what the suggested donation to the church is. In the religious community it is believed that you don't buy a blessing. When we asked the minster said the donation goes into the church discretionary fund to do things like send kids to church camp or support youth group. He also did not set an amounnt but suggested it be inline with floral spending. Our minister is very open and went on to say what they find offensive is when people have a 15k wedding and only donate $100-$200. That being said I have had friends who where married in churches that had a member and non-member fee and parents affiliation with the church only got them the discount if the couples minister sent a letter stating that they where in fact regularilt attending services.
    Posted by mollyehren[/QUOTE]
    You don't buy a blessing, but a $200 donation is side-eyed?? Not to mention, I guarantee my priest had no idea how much my wedding cost, nor would he be interested.

    OP, most of my fees were associated with the organist, cantor, coordinator who devoted a fair amount of time to the event. I'm sure there are standard amounts at your FI's church. Good luck!
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