RSVP's, breakups, tough spot

monique026

Our wedding is less than 3 weeks out - all the RSVP's are in.

However, in the last couple weeks we've had several couples that were supposed to be attending our wedding together break up. My question: How do I ask them if they are both still planning on attending the wedding?

I don't mean to sound insensitive, if you knew me you would know that was NOT the case at all. I just don't want to be make placecards that have both couple's names on them when they're no longer together and stir up bad emotions, or to pay for dinners for people whom won't be coming. One couple in particular is difficult because we are friends with both of them, so it's not just like we were inviting the bf/gf of the friend. They aren't our best friends or anything, so it's not like we talk to them regularly where I could just ask in passing.

Any advice?

ohwhynot

I think you should count on their attendance if they RSVP'd - if people aren't going to attend, I think they'll let you know. 

If these are friends, though, you may want to give them a ring and discuss how they're doing after the break-up.  Not specifically to talk about your wedding, but more of a friend checking up on a friend kind of thing.  That conversation may go in a direction that would get your question answered, but without making it appear that your concern was all about you, kwim? 

tenofcups4me

I don't think it's an insensitive question -- it's info you need to know. For the couple where you're friends with both, I would email each of them and confirm if they're each still planning to come. If they say yes, I'd doublecheck about whether they want to be at the same table or not.

For the others, it sounds like one party is your friend and the other is just their girlfriend/boyfriend. In that case, I'd email the friend to confirm. I've known (and been part of) couples who break up but continue to go out with each other socially for things like weddings. And we've all known couples that break up and then get back together again the next week.

I'd vary the wording in the email depending on how bad the breakup is, how recent it is, and how long the relationship was.

mica178

I'd call and ask the member of the couple that you're closer to.  If everyone plans on attending, great, but please put the names on the escort cards separately and rearrange seating.  But if you have a friend who's closer to them, you might have him/her do some of your dirty work and find out what's the deal for you.

JanoBean75

We actually just had this happen to one of our guests. His gf broke up with him last night. At this point, he's no longer coming. Totally understandable. If he changes his mind later, our restaurant is flexible.

I think they'll come to you, but if they don't and you're still unsure, you can call to find out how they are doing (you should anyway) and find out then.

Ashes_3

 They will probably come. I would just ask. You just have to be kind about it.

monique026

thanks everybody - i did ask, and it turns out 2 of those couples got back together so they will still be coming