Do grandma's need plus 1's?

arendiva

Both my grandmas have been widowed for 10+ years. Neither have dated or pursued any sort of romantic relationship. Because they are single am I required to give them a plus 1? The reason I ask is because my paternal grandma lives with 2 of my uncles who I will not be inviting to the wedding. I'm already worried that she will try to bring them, but it would be a guarentee if I were to give her a plus 1. Thoughts?

bigfootjax

Yes---what if grandma wants to get her freak on?

kmmssg

What's the rule for the rest of your guests?  Are the other single guests getting a plus 1 on their invitations?

SunriseAmber

I would say yes.

And since she is your grandma I would just openly tell her you do not want your uncles at your wedding.

arendiva

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_do-grandmas-need-plus-1s?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a428d94c-6b0b-4a69-9978-0fd06d326cdcPost:be6d0fdd-39de-4ea3-9196-5a7b4164ce7f">Re: Do grandma's need plus 1's?</a>:
[QUOTE] And since she is your grandma I would just openly tell her you do not want your uncles at your wedding.
Posted by SunriseAmber[/QUOTE]

It's complicated. My grandma is pushing 80 and we believe that she is showing early stages of either alzheimer's or dementia (it happened to her brother a few years ago). One of my uncles is a child molester who spent most of my life in prison and was only released like 2 years ago. The other is just a disgusting loser. Once upon a time my grandma had no contact with my uncles. She was ashamed of what they had become. My dad is the only one of her sons who married and lead a successful life. My mom has always been wonderful to my grandma throwing her b-day parties and having her for all the holidays. In the last 2 years my grandma is losing it. she has convinced herself that my uncle was wrongly accused (despite having several victims) and she expects the rest of the family to embrace him. She let him move in with her (the loser uncle already lived with her). My mom refuses to allow child molester uncle into our house (I have much younger sisters). My grandma is furious and for the last 2 years has refused to celebrate any holidays or birthdays with us. She says she won't come to our house until he is allowed to etc etc.

I'm not inviting him to my wedding. But I don't think talking to my grandma wil be condusive.

Meegles4

I didn't give my grandmother's plus ones. I would have if I knew they had a friend or SO they wanted to invite, but they didn't, so they didn't have plus ones.

ETA: Just saw your recent response. I'd still invite g-ma without a plus one. If she can't be trusted to remember the uncles aren't invited, I might have your father communicate that directly to the uncles if it comes up or if g-ma tries to RSVP with one/both of them. Chances are they won't be surprised if there's not much of a relationship there to begin with.

arendiva

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_do-grandmas-need-plus-1s?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a428d94c-6b0b-4a69-9978-0fd06d326cdcPost:2e73e47a-0df0-4e18-b261-946f146f9b19">Re: Do grandma's need plus 1's?</a>:
[QUOTE]What's the rule for the rest of your guests?  Are the other single guests getting a plus 1 on their invitations?
Posted by kmmssg[/QUOTE]


We are giving virtually every other single adult a plus 1. But most of our other guest are younger generations who might actually have proper dates.

Girlie1030

I kind of sounds like your grandma may not come anyway if the uncles aren't invited. 

Meegles4

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_do-grandmas-need-plus-1s?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a428d94c-6b0b-4a69-9978-0fd06d326cdcPost:9aa0627c-6b90-4611-b64d-d1ab25e34110">Re: Do grandma's need plus 1's?</a>:
[QUOTE]I kind of sounds like your grandma may not come anyway if the uncles aren't invited. 
Posted by Girlie1030[/QUOTE]

This is a good point, too!

hwoychowski

Sounds like with or without the plus one she will try to bring him. Direct approach is best.

theelusive1

OP,  I think you are living my life.  to include the pervert. Heck NO!  Why are you inviting grandma?  Are you close to her?  Would she remember?   My mom started telling us who to invite to my daughters wedding, she mentioned a cousin who we know and get along with but we are not doing some gift grab invitation thing, just keeping it small. So when she started in I said that IS your plus 1 and thats all you get!   At this point it has not been brought up again.  Good luck

MrsGandthebeag

Who is pcking up your grandma to bring her to the wedding.  I hope she's not driving if she's losing it.

arendiva

I do went to invite my grandma because up until 2 years ago we were close. I'm considering having someone pickup and bring my grandma to the wedding as a preventative measure for her bringing my uncles uninvited.

SunriseAmber

I wouldn't give her a plus 1 then. I wouldn't take the chance.

kmmssg

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_do-grandmas-need-plus-1s?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a428d94c-6b0b-4a69-9978-0fd06d326cdcPost:a5b00b83-775a-474c-b5c3-66c77d95a8b2">Re: Do grandma's need plus 1's?</a>:
[QUOTE]I do went to invite my grandma because up until 2 years ago we were close. I'm considering having someone pickup and bring my grandma to the wedding as a preventative measure for her bringing my uncles uninvited.
Posted by arendiva[/QUOTE]

<div>I think this is an excellent plan of action.  My dad had dementia prior to dying.  This may sound a bit wierd, but if she is battling early dementia right now, is it better to not send an invitation but make plans with her to pick her up/drop her off?  Remembering my dad's state of mind ( and he didn't get very far down Dementia Ave. because of cancer) it would have been better to not have the invitation where he could see it all the time.  We would have had the fight with him daily.  Just wanted to throw that out there for you.</div>

mmmendi

My Grandmother was only widowed a year ago. I did not give her a plus one. She is 82 this week  She has been very clear that she 'isn't entertaining gentlemen callers, no matter how many times they call'. We only had one or two guests, besides Grandmother, whom are not married. We included the name of their SO on their inner envelope. She is still driving, but we drive for her as much as we can, and she will be picked up for the wedding.

loca4pook

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_do-grandmas-need-plus-1s?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a428d94c-6b0b-4a69-9978-0fd06d326cdcPost:a5b00b83-775a-474c-b5c3-66c77d95a8b2">Re: Do grandma's need plus 1's?</a>:
[QUOTE]I do went to invite my grandma because up until 2 years ago we were close. I'm considering having someone pickup and bring my grandma to the wedding as a preventative measure for her bringing my uncles uninvited.
Posted by arendiva[/QUOTE]

I would do this..99 percent of the time, I'd say "give invite" but in this case, I would not. Instead, assign someone to pick her up to prevent the uncles coming to the party