Invite Problem
Ok here is my problem. I sent a save the date card to my boss. However over the last couple of months my boss has been getting increasingly nasty to me and then she will be nice the next minute. So I decided to pull my bosses invite to my wedding, meaning I never mailed it out with the rest of them, and she now knows that they have been sent out. Now she is asking co-workers of mine if they got theirs and now they feel uncomfortable.
I pulled the invite because she has increasingly been nasty to me and my family. She always has to be better than everyone else and one ups you. My father has been sick for awhile now, he is in remission, but still he is handicapped from numerous aliments. The problem is she has a friend that is sick and always says his aliments are worse then my fathers; like I said she always has to one up you. Then recently I went to see my Grandma who has no idea who I am as she has advanced Alzheimer’s. My boss compares my Grandma memory problem with her Grandparents not knowing how to use a computer! Her answers to my problems are "tough". Believe me this is just a small tip of the iceberg to the problems. I have gone to superiors above her to tell them of the problems I have been having with her, so basically I have thrown her under the boss. So now what do I do?
So here is my questions am I compelled to invite her because I sent a save the date card?
Re: Invite Problem
[QUOTE] I pulled the invite because she has increasingly been nasty to me and my family. She always has to be better than everyone else and one ups you. My father has been sick for awhile now, he is in remission, but still he is handicapped from numerous aliments. The problem is she has a friend that is sick and always says his aliments are worse then my fathers; like I said she always has to one up you. Then recently I went to see my Grandma who has no idea who I am as she has advanced Alzheimer’s. My boss compares my Grandma memory problem with her Grandparents not knowing how to use a computer! Her answers to my problems are "tough".
Posted by hutchandcurly[/QUOTE]
Also, why do you talk to your boss about family and personal problems? Keep work at work and personal at home.
At this point, "play dumb" and pretend that it was lost in the mail. Then give her an invitation. You might not have to deal with her on your wedding day, and, like I said, not inviting her could put your job in jeopardy. Or at the very least make her an even bigger pain.
I'm not sure why your boss would want to come since you're having all of these issues with her, but you should go ahead and send the invite to her. In the long run, not sending one (after you already asked her to save the date) will probably be a lot worse than inviting her and having her show up. What's she going to do at your wedding? Wear a white dress to "one-up" you?
I think it's a recipe for less drama to go ahead and invite her. If you hadn't sent her a STD, it'd be different. Others may tell you otherwise, but if she's got any reason to expect she'll be invited (which it sounds like she will), just go ahead and give her an invite.
Good luck!
[QUOTE]Ok here is my problem. I sent a save the date card to my boss. However over the last couple of months my boss has been getting increasingly nasty to me and then she will be nice the next minute. So I decided to pull my bosses invite to my wedding, meaning I never mailed it out with the rest of them, and she now knows that they have been sent out. Now she is asking co-workers of mine if they got theirs and now they feel uncomfortable. I pulled the invite because she has increasingly been nasty to me and my family. She always has to be better than everyone else and one ups you. My father has been sick for awhile now, he is in remission, but still he is handicapped from numerous aliments. The problem is she has a friend that is sick and always says his aliments are worse then my fathers; like I said she always has to one up you. Then recently I went to see my Grandma who has no idea who I am as she has advanced Alzheimer’s. My boss compares my Grandma memory problem with her Grandparents not knowing how to use a computer! Her answers to my problems are "tough". Believe me this is just a small tip of the iceberg to the problems. I have gone to superiors above her to tell them of the problems I have been having with her, so basically I have thrown her under the boss. So now what do I do? So here is my questions am I compelled to invite her because I sent a save the date card?
Posted by hutchandcurly[/QUOTE]
Yes. Unless you'd like to make relations with your boss even worse, which sounds like a bad idea.
She sounds nasty, yeah, but you sent the STD and it's just not a good idea to not invite her now. You made your bed, and all that.
If she dislikes you that much, she won't come.
two years!
after two losses, now happily expecting baby #1 09.16.12
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OP: yes, you really, really need to send her an invitation. She is not going to be nasty to you or your father at the wedding; you'll barely notice her presence. She will definitely be insulted by not being invited, esp. since you sent her an STD AND your other co-workers are invited. By pulling her invitation, you've publicly humiliated her in the workplace, which is not nice and not in your best interests. Don't do that.
ETA: "so basically I have thrown her under the boss." is a funny typo.
Send one out asap; blame it on the mail system for why it's late.
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She can't fire me or anything so I am safe there. I am a tenure employee.
[QUOTE]She can't fire me or anything so I am safe there. I am a tenure employee.
Posted by hutchandcurly[/QUOTE]
Either way, as far as etiquette goes it's extremely rude to send someone a save the date and no invitation. Plus, I just can't imagine the awkward position you're putting yourself and your coworkers in by not inviting her. It's not like she won't know, you send her a save the date. You just need to invite her and then separate yourself from her and stop talking to her about your personal life. That's not what bosses are for.
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Plus we use to get along but now it is totally different. I often wonder if she is lashing out because we are happy. She is very bizarre. I don't think she wants anyone happy like she wants us to live in misery. When I sent the save the date things were ok but they went from ok to disastrous!
And yes the "boss" should be bus! lol
Everything the light touches is my kingdom.
I also want to add she can fire you for whatever she wants. Massachusetts is an "At-will" employment state. Either party (the employer or the employee) can break the relationship with no liability.
Just be careful is all I'm saying and send that invite!
If you're complaining about how she is at work now, how do you think she is going to act towards you after she wasn't invited to your wedding when she knew she was originally on the list?
I have a feeling though, by OP's responses, she's looking for validation for not sending it because she keeps giving excuses rather than actually absorbing what she's being told by everyone.
Blake William due May 30, 2012!!
So I was listening to what everyone was saying, I did send the invite out, and as I thought would happen my boss is still complaining about it. So whatever, I sent it, its done. And not for nothing we all forget or screw up on something including invites, and it is not the end of the world. Hey I forgot on two other invites, and they were distant family. Opps! Life is too short to worry about stupid things.