Cash Bar

DoubleLL1118

Hi All,
I am confused about a couple of things, so I am wondering if you can help me.
Actually I know you can.

I have seen on other threads that a cash bar goes against etiquette. Which worries me.
We are having a social hour with Hors d'oeuvres an hour prior to dinner. Then after dinner we are will have 2 kegs and one on reserve(we havent decided on the specific type of beer yet). We may have a wine option, for people who do not prefer beer(but our reception package also comes with a wine pour DURING dinner), but once those run out (the 3 kegs and the wine option) it will turn into a cash bar.
Is this against etiquette?

I dont think my fiance and I can afford an open bar all night long for 300 guests.
Is this against etiquette?

I am not trying to be dense on this issue, I just do not know.
So if you could clear this up for me that would be great.

misshart00

A cash bar is against etiquette, but its not against etiquette to just serve beer and wine. Just serve those choices and don't offer anything else.

misssunshine17

Yes. This is rude. Host what you can afford.

I can't say for sure, so wait for the other ladies to answer but I'm not sure about buying X amount and when it runs out, the bar is closed, but it definitely shouldn't go to a cash bar.

GoodLuckBear14

Your guests should not have to open their wallets at all during your reception.  Asking them to pay for anything at any time completely goes against etiquette.  You don't have to have an open bar.  You can do just beer and wine or you can have a dry reception.

SlothGoals

There are beverage calculators online that some ladies on here have used that will tell you how much beer/wine to purchase so that you don't run out.

The basic rule is that your guests should never have to pull their wallets out at your wedding.

ETA: This is my 500th post! Whaaaat!!

s-aries8990

NOO.

It is still against etiquette. If you run out of wine at your barbecue, would you have your neighbor charge your guests if he or she brought over more supplies?

Why don't you just have there be a limited quantity and stop serving alcohol after that. There's nothing worse than thinking it's an opne bar only to realize half way through that it changed to a cash bar and the guest doesn't have any cash on them.

KatWAG

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cash-bar-16?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a53676dd-ee47-4afe-8675-601780fade89Post:24dc874d-73f7-46bd-a84e-4313f4df770e">Cash Bar</a>:
[QUOTE]Hi All, I am confused about a couple of things, so I am wondering if you can help me. Actually I know you can. I have seen on other threads that a cash bar goes against etiquette. Which worries me. We are having a social hour with Hors d'oeuvres an hour prior to dinner. Then after dinner we are will have 2 kegs and one on reserve(we havent decided on the specific type of beer yet). We may have a wine option, for people who do not prefer beer(but our reception package also comes with a wine pour DURING dinner), but once those run out (the 3 kegs and the wine option) it will turn into a cash bar. Is this against etiquette? I dont think my fiance and I can afford an open bar all night long for 300 guests. Is this against etiquette? I am not trying to be dense on this issue, I just do not know. So if you could clear this up for me that would be great.
Posted by DoubleLL1118[/QUOTE]

Yes its rude. Your guests should not haive to pay for anything. Revisit your budget and see if you can make any adjustments to allow you to buy extra kegs and wine

Also 3 kegs for 300 people <em>might</em> last you an hour.. A keg typically holds about 140 beers.  So that adds up to 420 beers, which mean less than 2 beers per person.

mlg78

You seriously need to cut down on a few guests.  Do you realize that by probably just eliminating 4 guests you can get 2 more kegs of beer?  Or 3 cases of wine?  Maybe even 4?  300 is a HUGE wedding and I'm sure there are a few people who can trim down on or eliminate guests for truly single people who know others at the wedding.

If you can afford to invite 300 people, you can afford to serve your guests properly.  You have to prioritize.

DoubleLL1118

Ok,
Thanks for you responses, I appreciate them.
I am really not trying to be dense about it.
I have just been to weddings and after things ran out of what was being served I never thought negatively about paying afterwards. (I am not saying that because I never thought twice about it doesn't make it against etiquette.)

So forgive me if I ask another dumb question. Like I said I am really not trying to be completely slow on the issue.

So if we plan on more kegs to last the reception, and a wine option, do we have the rest of the bar open so if they want a different type of drink they can pay for it?

I just want to satisfy everyone at my wedding and accommodating to everyone's likes.
 I know some people may not like wine, OR beer.
And we both my fiance and I both each have a one whole side that are big drinkers and love to drink heavily at occassions such as these- they start taking shots, and I am not paying for those all night So they may get upset with me if I dont have ANY hard liquor available. Whether they have to pay for it or not.

mlg78

You can serve just beer & wine...that's perfectly acceptable.  If people don't like those two they can drink soft drinks, tea, water....whatever is included in your package.  To save a buck I'd serve Charles Shaw wine...around here a case is about $45...super cheap for decent wine.

misshart00

In Response to Re:Cash Bar:[QUOTE]Ok, Thanks for you responses, I appreciate them. I am really not trying to be dense about it. I have just been to weddings and after things ran out of what was being servednbsp;I never thought negatively about paying afterwards. I am not saying that because I never thought twice about it doesn't make it against etiquette.So forgive me if I ask another dumb question. Like I said I am really not trying to be completelynbsp;slownbsp;on the issue. So if we plan on more kegs to last the reception, and a wine option, do we have the rest of the bar open so if they want a different type of drink they can pay for it? I just want to satisfy everyone at my wedding and accommodating to everyone's likes.nbsp;I know some people may not like wine,nbsp;OR beer. Andnbsp;we both my fiance and I bothnbsp;each have anbsp;one whole sidenbsp;that are big drinkers and love to drink heavily at occassions such as these they startnbsp;taking shots, and I am not paying for those all night ; So they may get upset with me if I dont have ANY hard liquor available. Whether they have to pay for it or not. Posted by DoubleLL1118[/QUOTE]

Nope. Don't offer anything else. Just the beer and wine. You wouldn't invite someone to your house and offer them a shot and tell them they have to pay for it. If they get cranky that you don't have hard liquor, they can get over it. Usually I hate saying that, but you're being a generous host already.

DoubleLL1118

And I am not trying to be skimpy on the kegs by any means, we just thought 2-3 would be sufficient. 300 are invited but A TON are from out of state, we gave every single guest a plus one, and its also a Friday wedding. So although we are planning for everyone to come, we are thinking that list may go down a touch.
Ok, so more kegs, more wine, got it.
Thanks a ton. I really appreciate it.
Now I get to bring the subject up to my fiance
He will be thrilled!

QueerFemme

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cash-bar-16?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a53676dd-ee47-4afe-8675-601780fade89Post:ae9e853d-1c84-4131-b10f-ed17500a2425">Re: Cash Bar</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok, Thanks for you responses, I appreciate them. I am really not trying to be dense about it. I have just been to weddings and after things ran out of what was being served I never thought negatively about paying afterwards. (I am not saying that because I never thought twice about it doesn't make it against etiquette.) So forgive me if I ask another dumb question. Like I said I am really not trying to be completely slow on the issue. So if we plan on more kegs to last the reception, and a wine option, do we have the rest of the bar open so if they want a different type of drink they can pay for it? I just want to satisfy everyone at my wedding and accommodating to everyone's likes.  I know some people may not like wine, OR beer. And we both my fiance and I both each have a one whole side that are big drinkers and love to drink heavily at occassions such as these- they start taking shots, and I am not paying for those all night ;) So they may get upset with me if I dont have ANY hard liquor available. Whether they have to pay for it or not.
Posted by DoubleLL1118[/QUOTE]


Another vote for reducing your guest list. 2 or 3 kegs of beer is NOT enough for 300 people.  you will probably need 4-5 kegs.  You will need many cases of wine.  Try an inexpensive wine. there are lots of options, especially when you buy by the case.

You should close the rest of the bar.  You should host what you can afford and not offer other options.    It's like inviting someone over for dinner and saying "I'm serving chicken, but if you want a steak, leave a $20.00 bill by the front door.  it's rude.

You should consider having a signature drink if you are worried that people might not like wine or beer.  That can be a mixed drink like vodka/lemonade.  Or, a rum punch or something.

So, you could host beer, wine and that one signature drink.

But, no no no to cash bars in any way, shape or form.

s-aries8990

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cash-bar-16?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a53676dd-ee47-4afe-8675-601780fade89Post:c8fe8352-0b32-4efb-b274-471a75f4fadb">Re: Cash Bar</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Cash Bar : Another vote for reducing your guest list. 2 or 3 kegs of beer is NOT enough for 300 people.  you will probably need 4-5 kegs.  You will need many cases of wine.  Try an inexpensive wine. there are lots of options, especially when you buy by the case. You should close the rest of the bar.  You should host what you can afford and not offer other options.    It<strong>'s like inviting someone over for dinner and saying "I'm serving chicken, but if you want a steak, leave a $20.00 bill by the front door. </strong> it's rude. You should consider having a signature drink if you are worried that people might not like wine or beer.  That can be a mixed drink like vodka/lemonade.  Or, a rum punch or something. <strong>So, you could host beer, wine and that one signature drink.</strong> But, no no no to cash bars in any way, shape or form.
Posted by cmgilpin[/QUOTE]

Re-visit the budget, see if you can trim some other costs (centerpieces? cut some flowers out. favors? nix 'em), and in the back of your mind, hope you several declines?

winelover123

If it's on a Friday night, the people who want to have shots may just go out and find a bar after your wedding to keep the party going, so I wouldn't worry about fitting hard liquor for shots into your budget. Although I can't personally attest to this, I've heard that there are some affordable, decent boxed wines now. If you find some good ones, that could help stretch the alcohol amount.

DoubleLL1118

Great Thanks!
I will skip the favors. We were only doing homemade caramels wrapped in our pictures anyway- the caramels are AMAZING, but were having a "candy" bar as well anyway. I said that was my treat to myself since I dont like cake, but my fiance wanted the cake. We tried compromising on something else other than cake, so instead we both got what we wanted. (a gf of mine gave me her glassware for it anyway)
Thanks so much!
He will be thrilled the hear the idea of not spending money on the caramel wedding favors to put towards alcohol. I am sure his groomsmen will be pleased as well.

And no, I would NEVER drop my guest list, as they have all received STD's. So cutting my guest list at this point is no option.

Jen4948

A limited bar or dry wedding is perfectly okay.  A cash bar is not.

mlg78

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cash-bar-16?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a53676dd-ee47-4afe-8675-601780fade89Post:9ae59b32-e6e9-4e0a-afe3-8529353f65c7">Re: Cash Bar</a>:
[QUOTE]Great Thanks! I will skip the favors. We were only doing homemade caramels wrapped in our pictures anyway- the caramels are AMAZING, but were having a "candy" bar as well anyway. I said that was my treat to myself since I dont like cake, but my fiance wanted the cake. We tried compromising on something else other than cake, so instead we both got what we wanted. (a gf of mine gave me her glassware for it anyway) Thanks so much! He will be thrilled the hear the idea of not spending money on the caramel wedding favors to put towards alcohol. I am sure his groomsmen will be pleased as well. And no, I would NEVER drop my guest list, as they have all received STD's. So cutting my guest list at this point is no option.
Posted by DoubleLL1118[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Well, at least alcohol is something you can deal with once the rsvps come in so hopefully you'll receive a bunch of nos so you can properly host your guests.  I'm glad this was helpful!  Favors are ALWAYS an easy thing to cut.

</div>

MrsMack10612

Your standard keg for domestic beers is 15 gallons which equals 120 16oz pints of beer (if you think typical pour at a bar).

That means at 3 kegs, you only get 360 pints.  You will def need more kegs.

You can get approximately 4 glasses out of a standard bottle of wine, so each table (if you figure 8 person tables) will need a minimum of 2 bottles per table.

If you know your crowd and who drinks wine vs. beer vs. who doesn't drink at all, you should be able to adjust the numbers accordingly.

Don't forget to also provide water, soda, coffee & tea.

ETA:  Late to the party, that's what I get for trying to do work.

wrigleyville

Another way you can cut costs big time is by having a 2-3 tier cake for display with sheet cakes in the back. Many bakeries will offer this option. Everyone gets the same flavor of cake, but you don't have to pay for some 6-7 tier cake that feeds 300 people. Bakeries don't charge very much for the sheet cakes since they don't have to be decorated. After you cut the cake, the staff or whoever start cutting up the sheet cakes and put the pieces out along with the pieces cut from the main cake.

Malaina9

I think that it is your wedding, and you need to do what is right for you.
We have chosen to provide four kegs and then have cash bar after that.
Neither me or my fiance will be old enough to legally drink, so I am not going to pay for our huge families to drink themselves silly. If the guests are concerned with money, they can just skip my gift and by themselves drinks at the reception.
I don't think that it is rude, and if someone says so, just remember that it is YOUR day, not theirs.

libby2483

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cash-bar-16?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a53676dd-ee47-4afe-8675-601780fade89Post:9ec77264-d929-4797-9db0-4a211155c39a">Re: Cash Bar</a>:
[QUOTE]I think that it is your wedding, and you need to do what is right for you. We have chosen to provide four kegs and then have cash bar after that. Neither me or my fiance will be old enough to legally drink, so I am not going to pay for our huge families to drink themselves silly. If the guests are concerned with money, they can just skip my gift and by themselves drinks at the reception. I don't think that it is rude, and if someone says so,<strong> just remember that it is YOUR day, not theirs.</strong>
Posted by Malaina9[/QUOTE]

<div>I really hate this phrase because it sounds so entitled.  Yes, it is your wedding day, but a large part of that is making sure that your guests are hosted properly.  </div>

beardownbchs

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cash-bar-16?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a53676dd-ee47-4afe-8675-601780fade89Post:9ec77264-d929-4797-9db0-4a211155c39a">Re: Cash Bar</a>:
[QUOTE]I think that it is your wedding, and you need to do what is right for you. We have chosen to provide four kegs and then have cash bar after that. Neither me or my fiance will be old enough to legally drink, so I am not going to pay for our huge families to drink themselves silly. If the guests are concerned with money, <strong>they can just skip my gift and by themselves drinks at the reception.</strong> I don't think that it is rude, and if someone says so, just remember that it is YOUR day, not theirs.
Posted by Malaina9[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Grrr! Posts like this make me stabby. </div><div>
</div><div>You should have free beer all night or no beer at all. Since you're underage, I vote no alcohol at all. The "It's your day" idea is fine when it comes to things like your dress, the centerpieces, the venue, etc. But it stops with the comfort of your guests. You are hosting an event and need to do so properly. Asking guests to pay for anything at a wedding is totally appropriate. I have a bad foot phobia - is it okay for me to tell my guests not to wear sandals because it's "MY DAY"? My fiance doesn't like salad, should we ask our guests who want a salad to pay for it because it's "MY DAY"? I don't like the smell of crap, is it okay for me to tell my guests not to use bathroom because it's "MY DAY"?

</div><div>Oh, and to the bolded - you should put this on an insert in your invites. </div>