Wedding Etiquette Forum

WEDDING ETIQUETTE FOR A BRIDE NOT CHANGING HER NAME?!?!

Good morning Knotties -

Are there any brides out there not changing their names and having trouble with ceremony and reception announcements after the vows are exchanged?

It is UNHEARD OF in my family for a bride not to take her husband's name.  But, it is very, very important to me to keep my name and my fiancee is totally supportive and doesn't have a problem at all with me not taking his name. 

However, my question is: how should we be announced at our ceremony after we exchange vows (the point where the officiant usually says, "I present to you the new Mr. & Mrs. So-and-So)?  And, how should the DJ announce us at our reception?  Just by first names?  By his full name and my full name?  Or, as a hyphenate (even though I'm not hyphenating)?

What is everyone else doing?

Thanks, ladies!

Re: WEDDING ETIQUETTE FOR A BRIDE NOT CHANGING HER NAME?!?!

  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    We were just annouced by our first names.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • We weren't announced at all. And there's no need to shout at us this morning.
  • Why the EFF are you shouting, woman? Sheesh.

    Also, fiancee is a woman. You have a fiance.

    Now, to your question. Most girls in this situation are pronounced and announced by their first names, to avoid the Mr. His last and Mrs. Herlast situation. You can use your names on the return address on the thank you's or on the back of your programs with a blurb along the lines of:

    The happy couple can be reached at:

    Mr. Hisfirst Hislast and Mrs. Yourfirst Yourlast
    32487 Anywhere Blvd.
    Yourtown, ST Zip

    That way, you're subtly telling everyone "this is my name, this is what I will go by." And it's done. Then you can just correct people politely (by not shouting) if they use his last name in reference to you.
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  • It kind of woke me up a little--You can just be announced by your first names.
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  • Wow, sorry, everyone.  I'm obviously not familiar with message posting etiquette.  I certainly didn't mean to be shoutingor yelling at anyone; I merely thought using caps was an attention-grabber for one's post.  I apologize if it offended anyone.
  • Even though your name will remain Jane Doe, you will still be Mr and Mrs John Smith.  You can be announced as Mr and Mrs if you wish, or can be announced as Jane Doe and John Smith.  We didn't have any announcements, so whatever you want to do is fine.
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  • I would just go with first & last names.

    "I now pronounce to you, Mr John Doe & Mrs Jane Smith" is what your officiant & DJ can use if you wish. Or just first names with the DJ if you want to keep it casual. It's really up to you. There's no right or wrong in this situation. It's personal preference.
  • My stepmother didn't take my father's last name, yet she'll still go by Mr. and Mrs blah blah blah in social settings - in fact, that's how we're handling the invite, too.  Why not put it on your thank you cards in the return address location?  Mr. John Doe and Ms. Jane Smith or something along those lines.
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  • I think you can do it however you want. 
  • If you're hoping to have an announcement, do it by first names or just ask your officiant and DJ what they've done before for couples in your situation.
  • You will not be a Mrs. if you don't take his name - you will be Ms. Maiden Name.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-etiquette-bride-not-changing-her-name?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a5f9381e-5097-49be-abd2-43ed8bb259e8Post:52066324-e032-4c5c-8b0e-377bcb435fd1">Re: WEDDING ETIQUETTE FOR A BRIDE NOT CHANGING HER NAME?!?!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Even though your name will remain Jane Doe, you will still be Mr and Mrs John Smith.  You can be announced as Mr and Mrs if you wish, or can be announced as Jane Doe and John Smith.  We didn't have any announcements, so whatever you want to do is fine.
    Posted by LesPaul[/QUOTE]

    <div>Huh? Keeping your name prevents that and it's one reason some women chose to keep their own name. Though you can go by whatever you want in social situations, and if someone makes a mistake it's not a big deal, going by a last name that's not your own seems odd.</div>
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  • We were not announced at our ceremony, but at our reception, it was something like "Welcome for the first time as a married couple, Jane Doe and John Smith." I didn't want to do just first names -- I wasn't trying to hide that we have different last names; in fact, it was important to me to announce it since that was one way to let people know what our names were going to be.

    FWIW, I know many people who have kept their own names upon marriage; I don't personally know anyone who chooses to use Mrs. in that situation. Ms. is the norm.

    And this quote from above is utterly absurd and flat-out not true:
    Even though your name will remain Jane Doe, you will still be Mr and Mrs John Smith. 

  • My fiance is actually taking my last name, and I don't know what we'll do.  Probably the first name thing.
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  • "And this quote from above is utterly absurd and flat-out not true:
    Even though your name will remain Jane Doe, you will still be Mr and Mrs John Smith."

    Agreed. Also, why can't you be introduced at the end of the ceremony as "husband and wife?" That's what we did, and then the reception intro was first names only. But that was because H is not 100% in love with me keeping my name (and hadn't told his family, I don't think), so I left out our last names as a kindness to him. I am also proud to keep my name, but didn't need to advertise it at the wedding if it was going to be controversial or upset anyone.

    Since your family seems so against you keeping your name, this might be a good way for you to go, so you don't bring it to people's attention at your ceremony and celebration.






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  • At the end of the ceremony, we were announced as husband and wife. At the entrance to the reception we were announced as "Dr. Jessiegirl hypenated name and Mr. Jessiegirl's husband."  I wanted the announcement so people knew that I was doing with my name.  BTW, I am not Mr and Mrs his lastname.  I didn't take his name, so that would not be a proper way to refer to me.  That being said, people still do.
  • It's not a matter of etiquette; it's merely a matter of preference.  Have yourself announced however you want.  Personally I think it would sound silly, lengthy, and as if you are trying to make a point by being announced as Mr. John Doe and Mrs. Jane Smith.  I'd either not be announced, or annouced as Mr. and Mrs. Heels, or be annouced as S and Wes, had I not taken Wes's last name.  But really, it's whatever you want to do.
  • I didn't change my name - but I do add his last name to mine socially.  (That's how you do it in Mexico.)  

    My name:  Jane Doe
    His name:  John Smith
    My married (but not legal) name:  Jane Doe de Smith

    Even though I didn't legally change my last name, I'm still his wife and I'm still a part of the "Smith Family."  We were announced at the wedding as Mr. and Mrs. Smith.  I send out correspondence from "the Smiths."  It's not a big deal ;)
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-etiquette-bride-not-changing-her-name?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a5f9381e-5097-49be-abd2-43ed8bb259e8Post:12403cb7-56fe-42a0-8bf3-8fc709fc9df0">Re: WEDDING ETIQUETTE FOR A BRIDE NOT CHANGING HER NAME?!?!</a>:
    [QUOTE]I didn't change my name - but I do add his last name to mine socially.  (That's how you do it in Mexico.)   My name:  Jane Doe His name:  John Smith My married (but not legal) name:  Jane Doe de Smith Even though I didn't legally change my last name, I'm still his wife and I'm still a part of the "Smith Family."  We were announced at the wedding as Mr. and Mrs. Smith.  I send out correspondence from "the Smiths."  It's not a big deal ;)
    Posted by ExpatPumpkin[/QUOTE]

    That's how I feel, too.  I did change my name, but had I not, I wouldn't be going around making a big stink about people calling me Mrs. Heels socially.  Sorry, I know that's kind of a sore spot around here, people "assuming" you change your name, but I think it's silly to get bent out of shape over it.
  • edited December 2009
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-etiquette-bride-not-changing-her-name?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a5f9381e-5097-49be-abd2-43ed8bb259e8Post:12403cb7-56fe-42a0-8bf3-8fc709fc9df0">Re: WEDDING ETIQUETTE FOR A BRIDE NOT CHANGING HER NAME?!?!</a>:
    [QUOTE]I didn't change my name - but I do add his last name to mine socially.  (That's how you do it in Mexico.)   My name:  Jane Doe His name:  John Smith My married (but not legal) name:  Jane Doe de Smith Even though I didn't legally change my last name, I'm still his wife and I'm still a part of the "Smith Family."  We were announced at the wedding as Mr. and Mrs. Smith.  I send out correspondence from "the Smiths."  It's not a big deal ;)
    Posted by ExpatPumpkin[/QUOTE]
    OP,  do whatever make you feel comfortable<div>
    </div><div>ExpatPumpkin- The dress and jacket/wrap you wore on your wedding day are stunning.  I love it.  </div>
  • I do not understand how a woman who keeps her name will still be Mr and Mrs John Smith when she's with her husband.  That makes absolutely no sense.  

    We're not being introduced.  The ceremony will be short and in the same room as the reception.  There is no need for introductions.  And one reason I love that set up is that we avoid the introductions.  The introduction at the ceremony really only makes sense when there is a name change.  If we were having a seperate reception location and needed to be introduced, we'd just do first names.  

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