The cash bar controversy...

cbratthauer

I hate coming on here reading about how people who have cash bars are rude. Am I the only one who feels this way? We are supplying kegs of beer but having cash bar for liquor or bottles of beer because we can't afford to supply all of the alcohol. I read somewhere that you should cut down on your guests if you can't afford to supply the alcohol, but I don't want to cut down on our guests because we both have such large families that we are both very close to. I have been to many weddings where it was cash bar. I know our friends/family would rather pay for their alcohol then have no alcohol at all served at the wedding. So I guess my question is this, am I the only one who does not see it as "wrong" to have a cash bar?

Amt2109

Its a pretty normal thing here in England but I'm hearing you on coming here and being told its completely and utterly wrong

Thats happening with so many things that are 'normal' here... and theres so many contradictions... I'm losing track of it all

annakb8

You could just not serve liquor or bottled beer. Hosting only beer and wine is fine.

mixtapehearts

Personally, I don't like cash bars. But that's just me. I just feel like you're supposed to be hosting a party, which should definitely include food and drinks. If I were to come to your house for a party and you made me pay for drinks, I would think that was kind of weird.

But, like I said, that's just my opinion.

jemmini6

No, I personally see nothing wrong with a cash bar as long as you didn't splurge in other uneccesary areas, like $3K worth of flowers or a $5K dress.  But you won't find that sentiment reflected on the etiquette board very often because yes, technically cash bars are against etiquette.  However, I've found it really depends on your area/family/social circle as to how they'll be received at your wedding.

adamar15

Well, you're posting this on the Etiquette board.  Etiquette-wise, it is rude because your guest shouldn't have to pay for anything at a party that you are hosting. 

That said, it can also be a regional thing.  Some people have only ever been to weddings with cash bars.  I've never been to a wedding with a cash bar.

mixtapehearts

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cash-bar-controversy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a6c16bfa-4fce-4207-b029-9b4cb7d4fdafPost:2ef28997-38cd-484f-8352-9e2fecba236a">Re: The cash bar controversy...</a>:
[QUOTE]You could just not serve liquor or bottled beer. Hosting only beer and wine is fine.
Posted by annakb8[/QUOTE]

<div>I do agree with this, though.</div>

hz80408

I agree w/pp on serving just wine and beer if you can't afford a fullbar.  I think it's an inconvience to ask guests to pay for something at an event you/your family/etc are supposed to be hosting.

I'd never expect to pay for a beer at a birthday party (well unless it's at a bar) or a mimosa at a bridal shower b/c those are all hosted events.

hz80408

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cash-bar-controversy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a6c16bfa-4fce-4207-b029-9b4cb7d4fdafPost:ae3063d7-4013-4a25-b18e-c1b428e0d7ce">Re: The cash bar controversy...</a>:
[QUOTE]Well, you're posting this on the Etiquette board.  Etiquette-wise, it is rude because your guest shouldn't have to pay for anything at a party that you are hosting.  That said,<strong> it can also be a regional thing</strong>.  Some people have only ever been to weddings with cash bars.  I've never been to a wedding with a cash bar.
Posted by adamar15[/QUOTE]

OP- I'm not sure where you're from, but I'm originally from the Quad Cities and had my wedding in IA.  I've never been to (nor hosted) a reception that I had to pay for my drinks. It's not "regionally' acceptable in Eastern IA from what I've seen

Amt2109

A couple venues we looked at in SoCal showed package prices on the bar - even beer and wine only (for 2 hours, limited to 2 per guest) was $4k. For about 60 people. Its crazy.

laurenclaire1386

We hosted beer, wine, and champagne. I don't even know if anyone paid for a liquor drink or not. Hell I don't even remember if I saw liquor at the bar or not. I think as long as you provide guests with the option of having a drink that you paid for, you're ok. I think it's silly to deny guests a liquor drink if they want it bad enough to pay for it.

MissKate2011

I think it also depends on the norm where you're from.

Where I'm from it's always cash bar.  I'm having a host bar but everyone keeps telling me I'm "crazy" and try to change my mind (you'd think they'd want me to keep it as they're going to be drinking for free).

Proper etiquette is as a host you should be providing everything and your guests shouldn't have to spend money. 

Mixtape it's funny you mention that becuase where I'm from when you're invited to dinner it's always pot luck and usually BYOB.

lyndausvi

In my social group cash bars are a big no-no.  It's considered rude in a huge way.

  When we host an event guests are never to open their wallets.  We do not come from a wealthy family either.  We just find ways to make it work.  That may include smaller guest list, different venue, beer/wine.  Whatever, we just make it work.    

If cash bars are okay in your social group, why do you care what I think?  I'm not invited to your wedding.

AllAboutTheBenjamin

Honestly I think it's a regional thing.  Some parts of the US, it would probably be more socially acceptable to walk down the aisle naked than to ask guests to pay for a drink.  Where I live, NO ONE provides a full, free bar.  Every single wedding I've been to up here will provide a free keg of beer or two but for everything else, you pay.  No one even thinks twice about it because it's just not a big deal to us.

Since Iowa isn't that far from ND, it's not that surprising to me that you don't think cash bars are that big of a deal - because where you live, they just aren't.  I really wouldn't worry about it.

ETA - We had a free keg, and hosted champagne as well.  The rest - cash bar.

cbratthauer

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cash-bar-controversy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a6c16bfa-4fce-4207-b029-9b4cb7d4fdafPost:a2ffea6f-9309-4afa-8e04-1b07c46f0b68">Re: The cash bar controversy...</a>:
[QUOTE]We hosted beer, wine, and champagne. I don't even know if anyone paid for a liquor drink or not. Hell I don't even remember if I saw liquor at the bar or not. I think as long as you provide guests with the option of having a drink that you paid for, you're ok. I think it's silly to deny guests a liquor drink if they want it bad enough to pay for it.
Posted by laurenclaire1386[/QUOTE]

That's kind of how I feel. We want to pay for the beer for our guests but we don't want them to not drink if they don't like beer. I have a lot of friends that don't drink beer and would rather just pay for a liquor drink

jdrose5

I personally don't find it rude.  Drinks get expensive.   Of course all my friends that host parties with drinking it is always BYOB.  So that is the same as having me pay for my own drinks at their party and I never have an issue with that. 

I have never been to a wedding with an open bar.  I think that is a nice thing to do if you can but I personally don't find it rude to have a cash bar.  Heck I went to a huge wedding with an extensive budget and yes she spent over $3,000 on her wedding dress.  The LT. Govenor of our state was in attendance so there was a great deal spent to make it impressive. (He was the uncle of the Groom.)  They spent a fortune on this wedding, yet they had a cash bar.   No one complained.   So I guess area has to do with it.   This was the one wedding I thought people would have a fit about a cash bar because of the expense spent on this wedding.   I think there were over 300 people at the reception, it was a HUGE wedding. 

jemmini6

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cash-bar-controversy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a6c16bfa-4fce-4207-b029-9b4cb7d4fdafPost:5cc20883-f697-4f14-9b07-78f4fce727c5">Re: The cash bar controversy...</a>:
[QUOTE]I think it also depends on the norm where you're from. Where I'm from it's always cash bar.  I'm having a host bar but everyone keeps telling me I'm "crazy" and try to change my mind (you'd think they'd want me to keep it as they're going to be drinking for free). Proper etiquette is as a host you should be providing everything and your guests shouldn't have to spend money.  <strong>Mixtape it's funny you mention that becuase where I'm from when you're invited to dinner it's always pot luck and usually BYOB.</strong>
Posted by MissKate2011[/QUOTE]


Same for me too.  We had a BBQ a couple weeks ago and people showed up with dishes whether they asked or not.  Everyone also brought their own drinks.  It may not be that way with everyone here, but in my social circle, that's just always how it's been done.  Always.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

I'm a firm believer that you should properly host your guests and if you can't afford to do that, you can't afford to have guests. I personally wouldn't be thankful to be "included" in something if it meant spending my own money. Weddings are expensive, alcohol is expensive. You wouldn't say, "Well, i can't afford to feed everyone because steak costs a lot, so they can have celery, or upgrade to a full meal on their own dime. They'll just be happy to be included!"

MaggieandJake

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cash-bar-controversy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a6c16bfa-4fce-4207-b029-9b4cb7d4fdafPost:a2ffea6f-9309-4afa-8e04-1b07c46f0b68">Re: The cash bar controversy...</a>:
[QUOTE]We hosted beer, wine, and champagne. I don't even know if anyone paid for a liquor drink or not. Hell I don't even remember if I saw liquor at the bar or not. I think as long as you provide guests with the option of having a drink that you paid for, you're ok. I think it's silly to deny guests a liquor drink if they want it bad enough to pay for it.
Posted by laurenclaire1386[/QUOTE]

<div>THIS!</div><div>
</div><div>We are hosting Wine/Beer but cash bar for liquor drinks.  I've even been to receptions where only beer is hosted (which I don't drink).  I would much rather the opportunity to buy a glass a wine, than be stuck with no drink options.</div>

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cash-bar-controversy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a6c16bfa-4fce-4207-b029-9b4cb7d4fdafPost:b1a9edd8-41ad-4975-b653-fd06a1e7c650">Re: The cash bar controversy...</a>:
[QUOTE]No, I personally see nothing wrong with a cash bar as long as you didn't splurge in other uneccesary areas, like $3K worth of flowers or a $5K dress.  But you won't find that sentiment reflected on the etiquette board very often because yes, technically cash bars are against etiquette.  However, I've found it really depends on your area/family/social circle as to how they'll be received at your wedding.
Posted by jemmini6[/QUOTE]

This is true. It does not mean there are places in the US where a cash bar is proper ETIQUETTE, but there are certainly places where it's more accepted. That said, I don't think anyone would ever be upset if you had an open bar!

KelaRenee

If my only other choice is beer, I'd want there to be a cash bar.  I don't like beer so I'd pay for my own drinks.

Amt2109

Well, steak dinners per person do run less than the alcohol in my experience. Like I say, some packages for alcohol ran for $4k by themselves, when everything else (including dress cake catering venue etc) came in at $2.5k. I honestly can't see spending an extra $4k on drinks alone... I'd rather spend the extra to just make sure there are toasting drinks and wine on the table.

But, I'm just naturally frugal - yes... I want guests to have a great time at our wedding... no I don't want to spend a fortune when we're getting a new house and making a new life.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cash-bar-controversy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a6c16bfa-4fce-4207-b029-9b4cb7d4fdafPost:ec7328e4-8d7e-4339-b13a-47ebdf596e96">Re: The cash bar controversy...</a>:
[QUOTE]A couple venues we looked at in SoCal showed package prices on the bar - even beer and wine only (for 2 hours, limited to 2 per guest) was $4k. For about 60 people. Its crazy.
Posted by Amt2109[/QUOTE]

I got married in SoCal and was able to have a set price pp for dinner, apps, open bar, etc, which was no where near that for around the same number of people. It depends on the venue and the location and the research. My entire reception (food, drink, parking, location, tax, gratuity) was around $8k.

DNAtime

Like some PPs have mentioned, in terms of proper etiquette it is inappropriate to ask guests to pay for something at your party.

I agree. 

I have never been to a wedding with a cash bar, I have never been to a full open bar wedding. Every wedding I have been to has had beer and wine hosted and thats it.  I plan on doing this for my wedding.  I am not a fan of just hosting beer and having people pay for other stuff.  See above, I don't want people to pay for things at my party. I think its rude.

laurenpm

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cash-bar-controversy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a6c16bfa-4fce-4207-b029-9b4cb7d4fdafPost:cb64b29a-b57e-4c01-b382-9f2cfeb1d943">Re: The cash bar controversy...</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm a firm believer that you should properly host your guests and if you can't afford to do that, you can't afford to have guests. I personally wouldn't be thankful to be "included" in something if it meant spending my own money. Weddings are expensive, alcohol is expensive. You wouldn't say, "Well, i can't afford to feed everyone because steak costs a lot, so they can have celery, or upgrade to a full meal on their own dime. They'll just be happy to be included!"
Posted by msmerymac[/QUOTE]

<div>Agreed! I personally think cash bars are tacky.  I think hosted wine/beer would be totally fine though.  </div>

SilverLining1

I'd much rather have the option of paying for my alcohol than not having it at all, especially if it were an evening wedding (I'm not trying to get tipsy at brunch, ya know?). I'm not sure how I'd handle the situation if I had to, but I agree with Laurenclaire. As long as soft drinks and wine or beer are hosted, I'm not going to be offended.

asialee2

Here in Canada we have a $2 coin called the toonie, so we are having a toonie bar. Drinks are 2 dollars a piece and we are just using standard booze, (no top shelf stuff,) and house wine. 

We didnt want to do total open bar for one main reason: if someone puts their drink down, they walk away and just get another one. By the end of the night you have 100s of 1/2 empty drinks that you have to throw down the drain.

hz80408

OP- Where in IA are you from/getting married?

We were married in QC and hosted beer/wine/champagne.  Guests paid for liquor.  This seems to be the norm in the region.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cash-bar-controversy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a6c16bfa-4fce-4207-b029-9b4cb7d4fdafPost:dea45dca-8296-4301-bb57-e4390b11027b">Re: The cash bar controversy...</a>:
[QUOTE]Well, steak dinners per person do run less than the alcohol in my experience. Like I say, some packages for alcohol ran for $4k by themselves, when everything else (including dress cake catering venue etc) came in at $2.5k. I honestly can't see spending an extra $4k on drinks alone... I'd rather spend the extra to just make sure there are toasting drinks and wine on the table. But, I'm just naturally frugal - yes... I want guests to have a great time at our wedding... no I don't want to spend a fortune when we're getting a new house and making a new life.
Posted by Amt2109[/QUOTE]

I get it, but in that case, I wouldn't make anything more than what you're willing to provide part of the day. Similar to if you want to serve chicken, you won't tell people, "well, the lobster is still available if you want to pay for it." Just provide what you feel comfortable providing, IMO.

Amt2109

Sorry if it sounded like I was trying to argue with you, Mery... I really wasn't. I agree with what you're saying... I'm just still looking at prices going 'woah'.

cbratthauer

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cash-bar-controversy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a6c16bfa-4fce-4207-b029-9b4cb7d4fdafPost:4fad8e90-4297-46f2-9fd8-aa4caf8e2c80">Re: The cash bar controversy...</a>:
[QUOTE]OP- Where in IA are you from/getting married? We were married in QC and hosted beer/wine/champagne.  Guests paid for liquor.  This seems to be the norm in the region.
Posted by hz80408[/QUOTE]

I'm from Waterloo, but originally from Clinton so my family is from around the Clinton and QC area, his family is from a small town north of here, Fredericksburg