This will come off the wrong way but here it goes

ILoveToRobot

I have a question about registering. So, I know that gifts aren't expected at weddings and I personally am honestly, 100% not expecting people to give anything even thought I know that's not really what's going to happen.

Anyway, I went shopping with my sister and my mom today for some wedding stuff and my sister and mom kept pressuring me to register at Macys. I like the store and all but I really don't have enough things to register for to warrant a registry (except china I really want that) and I don't want to sign up for their credit card to get the discount on the left over items.

I feel like china itself is too expensive to register for and that it would come off rude if that's all I registerd for. My mom and sister didn't think so. I'm having a debate within myself. I guess FI has some stuff he wants but still we tried putting a registry together through another store and between the two of us we could only come up with like 10 things and they were all expensive like china, bedding etc.

Would you find a small and expensive registry offensive? Suggestions?

NOLAbridealmost

It would not be rude or even odd to just register for your china at a particular place.  People expect china and it's a pretty big ticket item; makes sense that it would get its own store if necessary.

samantha24p

You want to register for a diffrent veriety of items in a range of diffrent prices. it's okay to register at two diffrent places to give people a choice of where to shop for you. I was uncomfortable registering also because I felt like it was rude to tell people what I want, but that being said I have 6 weddings to go to this year and the brides that have registered already are life savers. I have one friend who hasn't registered and where I'm not close to her I have no idea what I'm getting her for her shower.

ootmother2

Remember that family members can group together on an expensive gift.

FWIW:   M & I were invited to the wedding of her closest childhood friend.  The mother wrote notes to all the guests telling us that K&S weren't have an ordinary registry because the only thing they really needed was their Tiffany china.  They had everything else they needed!

We had to fly to DC the night before New Years and pay to stay at the Hay Adams $$$$

We gave them a $100 gift card to Tiffanys.  I got a printed Thank You note.  The marriage lasted less than a year.

ILoveToRobot

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_this-will-come-off-the-wrong-way-but-here-it-goes?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a8e80fb4-5ca6-4229-b491-0c34d6f6b3c3Post:9476f1ba-0705-478b-9e4d-9d39b773dd85">Re: This will come off the wrong way but here it goes</a>:
[QUOTE]Oh, also, even if people aren't comfortable buying a place setting, they could still buy accent pieces, like your gravy boat, a serving set, butter dish, creamer, etc.  Then you could focus on your china yourself bit by bit while having some good basics. <strong> What about some stemless wineglasses or a nice set of placemats?</strong>  I was surprised by how generous people were!
Posted by EaglesBride2012[/QUOTE]

Good ideas. I've always wanted some nice stemless wine glasses and placemats. I guess I'm just a cheap person so registering for items that seem "extravagant" to me seems greedy and presumptuous... Seems like I need to get over it!

ILoveToRobot

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_this-will-come-off-the-wrong-way-but-here-it-goes?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a8e80fb4-5ca6-4229-b491-0c34d6f6b3c3Post:a4a7d933-e80a-4758-843e-b2ff3a408a98">Re: This will come off the wrong way but here it goes</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>You want to register for a diffrent veriety of items in a range of diffrent prices.</strong> it's okay to register at two diffrent places to give people a choice of where to shop for you. I was uncomfortable registering also because I felt like it was rude to tell people what I want, but that being said I have 6 weddings to go to this year and the brides that have registered already are life savers. I have one friend who hasn't registered and where I'm not close to her I have no idea what I'm getting her for her shower.
Posted by samantha24p[/QUOTE]

This is what I'm concerened about. We literally have everything. I don't feel comfortable registering for a spatula when we have 4 already. Yeah I can get rid of one but why? It's in perfectly good usable condition... what a waste? Gah! I guess I just need to get over it. Maybe I'm just thinking about it too much.

ILoveToRobot

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_this-will-come-off-the-wrong-way-but-here-it-goes?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a8e80fb4-5ca6-4229-b491-0c34d6f6b3c3Post:fe521fe9-4be5-4214-ac25-3b54345a02cd">Re: This will come off the wrong way but here it goes</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: This will come off the wrong way but here it goes : I understand; I felt the same way.  But what I realized is that people who love you are so happy for you that they want to treat you to something special for such an important occasion.  :)
Posted by EaglesBride2012[/QUOTE]

You're definately right. Sheesh I'm afraid to know how I'll react at my shower when registering is this difficult lol. That will be uncomfortable!

samantha24p

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_this-will-come-off-the-wrong-way-but-here-it-goes?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a8e80fb4-5ca6-4229-b491-0c34d6f6b3c3Post:adb1af8f-1e44-4354-9430-b15d1b49c2c3">Re: This will come off the wrong way but here it goes</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: This will come off the wrong way but here it goes : This is what I'm concerened about. We literally have everything. I don't feel comfortable registering for a spatula when we have 4 already. Yeah I can get rid of one but why? It's in perfectly good usable condition... what a waste? Gah! I guess I just need to get over it. Maybe I'm just thinking about it too much.
Posted by ILoveToRobot[/QUOTE]



You sound like me. My MOHhad to talk me through it. One of the places I registered was target because they have a lot of items. I just sold my camper to buy my dream dress so I registered for a really nice tent and camping supplies as well as new bedding and curtains because I do change the colors with the seasons. Also my MOH says its okay to register for big items because a lot of times people go into buying your gifts together.

erollis

If you really have everything you need (but china, bedding, placemats, wineglasses and the like) it is ok to register for more expensive things only. There is nothing wrong in wanting a nice looking table for special occasions. We registered for nice dishes (instead of china) because we needed the upgrade from our cracked and chipped plates from Ikea. 

As for getting rid of things that you have multiple of I tend to donate if it's been gently used. Some needy family at church (or other charity) could definitely put a better use to it then I can. 

mizutamababy

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_this-will-come-off-the-wrong-way-but-here-it-goes?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a8e80fb4-5ca6-4229-b491-0c34d6f6b3c3Post:adb1af8f-1e44-4354-9430-b15d1b49c2c3">Re: This will come off the wrong way but here it goes</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: This will come off the wrong way but here it goes : This is what I'm concerened about. We literally have everything. I don't feel comfortable registering for a spatula when we have 4 already. Yeah I can get rid of one but why? It's in perfectly good usable condition... what a waste? Gah! I guess I just need to get over it. Maybe I'm just thinking about it too much.
Posted by ILoveToRobot[/QUOTE]

IA with you and don't register things just for the sake of registering.  If all you want is some china, just register the china.  People who don't feel like buying or pitching in for china will do their own thing or take it as a hint you'd rather have cash with such a small registry.

DramaGeek

H and I needed pretty much everything since he lived at home until we got married and I just had crappy garage sale stuff from college, but even so we stuck some things away for later.  Extra place settings of dishes, extra towels, glasses, etc.  It's been nice to pull them out as needed and not have to buy those things again.  If you need some things to register for in a lower price range, that is what I'd recommend.  After 10 years, I want a replacement shower :-P

FutureMrsSS

Don't feel bad. People like to spend a lot of money on weddings. I have about 30 people invited to my wedding, with the majority being poor college students. I had about 30 items all under $40 on my registry since I knew who was coming and didn't want to look greedy/rude/extravagant. I had SO many people tell me that I didn't have enough items on my registry since I had "cheap" items and people wanted to spend more money for a wedding. I finally registered for everything I could possibly want no matter what the price. Everything I got at my bridal shower was the more expensive items. 

Moral of the story... Just register for it. People don't have to buy it if they don't want to, but if they do then you have some nice china! 

angryangry

Well my two cents is that the purpose of the stem on the wineglass is so that your hand doesn't warm up the wine (plus I think they look nicer with stems). 

But I would not at all be offended by a small registry with only China on it. If I couldn't afford your pattern I would just give a gift card to the store. 

mkrupar

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_this-will-come-off-the-wrong-way-but-here-it-goes?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a8e80fb4-5ca6-4229-b491-0c34d6f6b3c3Post:0df2e98c-f54b-4856-8121-a167a2c97c5f">Re: This will come off the wrong way but here it goes</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: This will come off the wrong way but here it goes : You sound like me. My MOHhad to talk me through it. One of the places I registered was target because they have a lot of items. I just sold my camper to buy my dream dress so I registered for a really nice tent and camping supplies as well as new bedding and curtains because I do change the colors with the seasons. Also my MOH says its okay to register for big items because a lot of times people go into buying your gifts together.
Posted by samantha24p[/QUOTE]

OP doesn't sound like she needs anyone to talk her through it. I feel like you're pushing her in to doing a full registry, when that's not what she's asking about.

OP it's completely fine, as other PPs have said, to have a smaller registry of more expensive items. While it's nice to have things everyone can afford, if someone can't purchase one thing on your registry they'll likely give you cash in the amount they're comfortable giving (or give nothing, which is fine as well). You can take any money given at the wedding and complete your registry.

Meegles4

I would add a few items at varying price ranges. I know it feels weird to register for a spatula when you already have a spatula. But how old is your spatula? Could it use replacing? That's how we approached things. So we registered for things like new flatware, pots/pans, bedding, etc. Sure we had all that, but it was all hand me downs or several years old.

We had a decent sized registry and got almost everything we asked for. However, we only got 1 place setting of china. We also registered for everyday dishes, and received all of those, so having two dish settings on the registry may not have been the best idea, even though they were different price points.

I think we didn't get our china because it was a bit expensive for a shower gift, and most people gave us money for the wedding. If you come from an area where cash is a more popular gift, you might keep that in mind. Also, if you only register for china, people may see the small registry and assume you'd prefer cash. So, you may get cash and still have to go fulfill the china post-wedding, but if you really want it, that's no big deal and as PPs said, you can often get sale prices at Macy's and/or Bed, Bath, and Beyond.

powerspad6

For some reason people love wedding gift shopping at Macy's.  I have a small registry from Macy's (mainly china, towels, and sheets) but people are and have bought me MANY other things from there.  So regardless if you register there or not expect gifts.  We also did not get the credit card.  But will prob get some leftover items with Macy's gift cards we have been given.

dogsandfrogs

On a partially related note, Bed Bath and Beyond has most of the china Macy's has, but cheaper.  My pattern that I chose was about $15 cheaper per place setting through BBB.