No children...except this one.

browneydgrl

It's been a long time since I've posted, but my FI and I finally the argument- er, dicussion- about whether or not to invite children to the wedding.

There are about 6 kids on my mom's side and one on FI's, and he is adamant about not wanting kids because he thinks they will run around and and cry at inoppotune times. I must admit, I was a little miffed that he was so stubborn on the point, considering they are my family, but I figured I'd pick my battles. It's his wedding, too, and I want him to enjoy it.

The only thing is, we are inviting my MOH's sister, who is 13. FI takes the delicate viewpoint of basically telling anyone who doesn't like it to suck an egg because its our wedding and we're paying for it, but I think it will cause undue friction. I'm thinking of asking her to be a junior bridesmaid so I can justify her presence, because she is definitely invited and frankly I think of her more as family than some of the other youngsters.

FI thinks I'm being silly trying to please people. Thoughts? 

Simply Fated

How old are the other kids? Maybe you can get away with your cut-off being 13 and over?

cebrady89

I think that's old enough that she won't be considered a child. I don't think people will be offended - 13 is not the same at 3. 

Don't make her a junior bridesmaid unless you actually want her to be.

kmmssg

Making her a jr bridesmaid means her parents will have to pay for a dress, shoes, her hair and maybe some makeup just to attend your wedding.  That's not fair.  Is your FI absolutely set that 13 is too young?

BMcLeodTeam

I agree with PP, pending the ages of the others that you aren't inviting maybe 13 could be your cut off age...

dumdumfroggie

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_childrenexcept-this-one?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a8ec956e-c00d-4fce-b2be-ade85755b330Post:42d85cf8-41c8-40c8-8d7a-4ba44bd69250">Re: No children...except this one.</a>:
[QUOTE]How old are the other kids? Maybe you can get away with your cut-off being 13 and over?
Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]

<div>If you do set a cut off age, make sure you're not splitting up families.  But, if everyone either has all older or all younger, you should be fine.</div>

rebarobert2012

I'm not sure how old the other children are, but 13 isn't that young.  I'm sure that a 13 year old would behave properly at a wedding.

Don't make her a junior bridesmaid just so that she can be invited to the wedding.  That's really not right.

StephBeanWed61502

I think your FI is being a little ridiculous on the children thing - I've been to plenty of weddings with small kids, and not a single one of them was "ruined" by the babies' presence - it's sad that he's willing to exclude people who are important to you (yes, kids are people too!) just because he has some picture in his head of the babies "ruining" his wedding.  Do they "ruin" his Christmases and Thanksgivings with their presence too?

That said, as long as you're not excluding any other 13 year olds, it's fine to include this one girl and if anyone asks "why is she here when my little Suzy wasn't invited?" to stick with "our cut-off age is 13, thanks for understanding."

Pjb1211

As long as you're being consistent within certain groups I think you're fine. We are having a "no kids" wedding, but the flower girl and ring bearer are also invited, and we invited FI's cousins who are 11 and 13. We invited them because their parents were coming from CO to IL and it wouldn't make sense for them to come without their children, especially so close to the holidays. It also depends on family expectations. None of my family ever invites children to weddings, so there were no surprises when they were not invited. His family, however, was a little more confused. I don't think your FI is right about the children running amuck, but I also understand not wanting to pay for a six year old to eat really expensive chicken fingers and then cause their parents to need to go home at 9:00. It's all a personal preference thing, but you and your FI need to decide what the two of you want, not what's going to bother or not bother your families.

lenergyrlah

I remember being 10ish? and being offended that I wasn't invited to weddings.  So for our wedding I'm planning to invite everyone who is old enough to be offended if they weren't invited (or old enough to remember it).  For me this is everyone except babies/toddlers, so I'd put the cutoff age around 5.

It would be very nice to invite the children of out-of-town guests or provide a babysitter for them since they will likely not know anyone and won't want to leave their baby wit h someone else for an entire weekend. 

But it's not as big an issue because FI's youngest cousin is 8 (definitely old enough to be invited IMO).  I'll definitely invite my 10-year-old step-nephew, but my other nephew and neice (who will be 3 and 2) are not invited.

Shia

I am in a similar situation too, but my Fiance and I had no choice our venue only holds 80 people. My fiance has two young cousins travelling OOT to our wedding and they will be 3 & 4. As for my family I will have a 4 & 1 year old nephew & niece (ring bearer & flower girl), a 13 & 16 year old brothers and a 13 year cousin coming to my wedding. They are the only children we are inviting and I know there are going to be a lot of upset relatives but my venue only holds 80 people and I had to cut my list down and the kids were the first to go. I would have had originally 23 kids instead of the 7 I have now. I hope you have better luck than we did. 

browneydgrl

Thank you all for your responses. I agree with many of you who said, "Well, they're not really kids anymore." I am irritated with FI right now. The 13 yr old in question was going to be invited anyway; I also think it would be horrible to ask her to be in the WP if she was not originally on the list. The thing with the cut-off age is that many of those kids are around her age. I don't know. I have some thinking to do. =/

Pjb1211

As long as they are not in the same "group" I think you are ok. Since she is MOH's daughter she is in a different category. If you invite one child cousin you have to invite them all, but if it's only this one girl I think it's ok. I think it's bad when you choose a niece or nephew and don't invite the others who fall into the same category. If that makes sense...

PinkRoseAcct

I agree with PJB.  It's not like you're inviting your favorite cousin's kids, but skipping the rest.  Just tell anyone who complains that it's your choice, and you had to make cuts.  Then bean dip them.

StephBeanWed61502

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_childrenexcept-this-one?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a8ec956e-c00d-4fce-b2be-ade85755b330Post:1c4e2d82-7827-4c41-9645-ab28202c17cb">Re: No children...except this one.</a>:
[QUOTE]Thank you all for your responses. I agree with many of you who said, "Well, they're not really kids anymore." I am irritated with FI right now. The 13 yr old in question was going to be invited anyway; I also think it would be horrible to ask her to be in the WP if she was not originally on the list. <strong>The thing with the cut-off age is that many of those kids are around her age. I don't know.</strong> I have some thinking to do. =/
Posted by browneydgrl[/QUOTE]

I'm sorry, he's worried about young teenagers running around at your wedding?  Has he ever met a teenager?  They're most likely going to be staring at their cell phones throughout the reception, if anything (I volunteer with kids around this age, and trying to get them to look up from their cell phones is like trying to get the green out of grass).  If he doesn't want to include kids because he just doesn't want to, and you're okay with that, then it's fine, but if his concern is that 12 and 13 year olds are going to be running around or shouting during the ceremony or something (which is what your OP makes it sound like), he needs some serious education on adolescent development.

Simply Fated

I agree with Steph, they're just going to state at their cellphones all night. They're not going to be a bother to anyone, really.