Wedding Etiquette Forum

What Is Wrong With People

My wedding is October 16th, 2010 yes a couple of week. Well my brother and his brother decide that since my fi and I just built a home, that they should not have to stay in a hotel but with us. Number one it's our wedding weekend, two we only have a living room furniture and master beadroom. They offered to bring a air mattress. We said No!!! it's our wedding/honey moon weekend.
 We have sixteen rooms booked for that weekend however they feel that since they are driving over 15 hundred miles and I qoute "You have that big house why should we stat in a hotel.  I don't understand this. I never say this comming.
I am hurt that they would do this. My brother is also a groomsmen. I feel that our relationship will be damage over this. They feel that we are not understanding the cost factor. We travel to their wedding two years ago and spent over two thousdand dollars and stayed in a hotel at $160.00 per night times 4. Their hotel cost is $64.00 times 3nights, his tux is free. But he is telling everyone we are treating them like they are nt welcome.
   I love my brother but this is wrong.... At this point i wish that I had never invited them....... I am the one who is hurt...... I am not having people sleeping on my floor
or staying with us on my wedding night...... They are wrong for expecting us to
put them up for the weekend.
   I needed to vent.

Re: What Is Wrong With People

  • Are you planning on staying at your new house on your wedding night?  Not that it really matters but if you are that is double the reason for them to go to a hotel.  I do think they are being a bit rude here just assuming it would be okay and for even suggesting it themselves.  This is the kind of thing that people offer.  This is not something that you ask people to do.   

  •  Yes, we were planning a romantic evening at home. We just moved into the house two weeks ago. But the point is They were invited to the wedding not the after wedding. They expect me to be cooking friday, making breakfast saturday and entertaing sunday. They called today and asked thay if we were embarrassed because we did not have a bed for them and sugested a air mattress
    and the ask about renting a bed for the three nights. I told them that hotels are there for a reason, my parents are staying in the hotel
  • Wow. He is being unreasonable. I don't have any suggestions for how to deal with this, just validation: you are not in the wrong here. But you knew that already.
  • Tell him no and be firm. Nobody is going to think you're out of line for not wanting to entertain overnight guests on your wedding night.
  • Yeah, I agree with PPs. You are not out of line for asking them to stay somewhere else. That's rediculous. Stay firm on this one.

    If they get pissed and decide not to come because of this, that's their problem.
  • Someone needs to talk some sense into your brothers. If money is that big of an issue, maybe another family member can provide room and board for the three nights??
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  • Tell them NO.

    Or compromise.  Say, "You can stay with us the night before the wedding but once I'm married you're out."

    They're being quite rude. 
  • I wonder if you send them a pictures of a bondage/sex toy room and ask them if they think they can fit their air mattress in there, if they'll get the hint.
  • Honestly if they are freaking out about the cost of the hotel that much I would just pay for it myself.  Obviously they are having money issues and it is true - if they stay in a hotel they will likely be eating out over the course of the whole weekend which does cost money. 

    On a side note my BIL tried to hook up with one of my girlfriends at my reception.  His bright (and drunken) idea at 2 am when the party was breaking up was to take the bus into town with us and for them to stay in our spare bedroom.  He didn't want to take her back to his Mom's place.  That was funny.
  • Personally, I'd offer to pay for their hotel room, at least in part.  I wouldn't let them stay at the house.
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  • I would tell them in no uncertain terms there is no way they are staying at your house. Stand your ground on this.
  • No one is staying at our house for three reasons:

    1) We are going home to our house after the wedding
    2) We are crazy-busy planning the wedding, and I will not have time to be cooking/entertaining
    3) Our living area is filled with wedding gifts and boxes 
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  • Ugh.  I had the same issue with my MIL.  She's the type that would have 27 people staying in her living room, and would never allow anyone to go to a hotel.  She just didn't understand that this was one weekend where we just didn't want house guests.  

    We found compromise by paying for her hotel room.  Sure, we didn't have to, but it kept her from complaining about the cost.  

    It sounds like your brother is having financial problems, and can't afford the hotel right now.  I'd throw him a bone and help out with at least a portion of the cost.  He might have been able to afford $2K 2 years ago, but times are tight now.  
  • Yeah, my brother (25) asked if he could stay with me since the cost of a hotel was prohibitive. I said I'd be a little BUSY that weekend and he said I wouldn't have to entertain him. That's not the point. It's just a PITA to have people around, to have to clean the house, to have to worry about them locking up and transportation. We're staying in a hotel the night of the wedding, but still.

    In the end, both my parents, separately (they're divorced) offered to pay for my brother's hotel room and my mom is paying for his plane ticket. FI and I are covering his tux.

    Hell, I have a friend who lives with me temporarily and even SHE is finding another place to stay for a few days around the wedding.
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  • No one should ever ask to stay with the couple on their wedding night... that's ridiculous.  On top of that, ask him what the cutoff is.  If you allow him to stay, will your parents want to stay?  Will FI's family want to stay?  You can't allow him to stay while others don't.  Tough luck if it's costing him money, that's what weddings do.  I feel bad that we're having our wedding near my hometown so all of FI's immediate family will have to stay in a hotel but there's just no room at the inn.
  • Did none of these people have sex on their wedding night?

    We were in the same house as our kids, but only because we had a DW so we rented a beachouse for everyone. But hell even they moved to another bedroom on a different floor the night we married. These people are just rude.I'm with PP's see if they can stay with other family, or pay for their hotel.
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  • He is definitely out of line as I said before.  As far as paying for the hotel (or a part of it) I believe that is totally up to you.  You certainly are not obligated to offer any such thing but it may be worth it just to end the battle.  In the end you absolutely must put your foot down.  Do not give in on this. As another PP said, if you let the brothers stay, where does it end.  Do aunts and cousins get to stay as well then.  Hell, on your wedding night you could have one big slumber party on your living room floor.  (that was meant to be sarcastic obviously) I'm sorry you have to deal with this.  It would seem like common sense not to ask to stay in the same house as the bride and groom.  However I guess some people don't have the same common sense as others. 

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