a few questions

Jen4948

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_a-few-questions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a9d65d0e-d1cf-4235-909b-5766dfa142e7Post:b426253a-7e66-4f2e-a9e2-a71187606ad0">Re:a few questions</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:a few questions: Assigned seating may work in some circles, but if guests are unfamiliar with it, it can be construed as rude and patronizing. <strong>Much like your condescending attitude.</strong>
Posted by Sleeper2013[/QUOTE]

You're in no position to discuss condescending attitudes, Sleeper.  And many other persons here share the opinion that no, unassigned seating is not appreciated by guests because they find it doesn't work and that assigned seating is helpful and not rude, patronizing, or condescending.  Knock off the fights with me already.

allychase

In Response to Re:a few questions:[QUOTE]In Response to Re: a few questions:In Response to Re: a few questions : And I despise open seating as well.nbsp; It leaves too many people looking for seats because others "saved" them.nbsp;nbsp; It's also a sign of laziness on the part of the hosts.nbsp; Making sure everyone has a place to sit is a hosting duty.Posted by Jen4948It's rediculous to dictate to adultsnbsp;where and by whom they have to sit.Open seating, when done correctly, does ensure that everyone has a place to sit. Posted by Sleeper2013[/QUOTE]

Nope. And this happened to us at a friends wedding. There weren't enough seats at our table with our friends, and FI and I had to alternate standing during the evening. It would have been wonderful if we had assigned tables to assure everyone had a seat.

Jen4948

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_a-few-questions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a9d65d0e-d1cf-4235-909b-5766dfa142e7Post:ea6be396-a9e1-4bfa-9032-d68c7905ee2d">Re:a few questions</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:a few questions: Oh, like Stage?
Posted by Sleeper2013[/QUOTE]

Have you read the posts by others in this thread who disagree with you about assigned seating?  I don't see you directing any of your replies to them.

Jen4948

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_a-few-questions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a9d65d0e-d1cf-4235-909b-5766dfa142e7Post:f404fd76-3dff-49e8-9f89-34da0675222c">Re:a few questions</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm not sure why guests would find being assigned a table condescending. I'd much rather find myself at a table of friends than pick a table only to have it fill up with strangers and discover all my friends are elsewhere, or meet up with friends and then have to split up because there isn't a table with enough seats for all of us.
Posted by Liatris2010[/QUOTE]

I feel the same-and this is pretty much why seats get assigned to begin with.  Hosts are trying to make sure that not only do people have a place to sit, but it's with people they know and/or are likely to feel comfortable being with.  When you're part of a large group of people trying to find seats, it's really helpful to know that someone took the time to try to make sure that you won't be feeling alone and ignored at a table of people who don't know you and/or won't talk to you.

Jen4948

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_a-few-questions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a9d65d0e-d1cf-4235-909b-5766dfa142e7Post:0f22e8fb-50db-4616-87e5-97939d1cf896">Re:a few questions</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:a few questions: Honey, YOU were the one who quoted and replied to my post.
Posted by Sleeper2013[/QUOTE]

But others disagreed with you as well, and they quoted you too.

AddieCake

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_a-few-questions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a9d65d0e-d1cf-4235-909b-5766dfa142e7Post:ea6be396-a9e1-4bfa-9032-d68c7905ee2d">Re:a few questions</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:a few questions:

Oh, like Stage?
Posted by Sleeper2013[/QUOTE]



And me. And Joy. And Lynda. And Lia. And those are just off the top of my head without going through the thread.

daria24

Assigned seating seems to be a regional thing. Here in the Northeast EVERY wedding has assigned tables (not assigned seats). Guests expect it and on the rare occasion someone has opened seating, people hate it and have no idea what to do.

But it seems like in the Midwest it is the norm to have open seating. I would consider what your guest list will most likely expect and go with that. 

Jen4948

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_a-few-questions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a9d65d0e-d1cf-4235-909b-5766dfa142e7Post:72a3a20d-8b72-47b3-978f-4482d513f5b7">Re:a few questions</a>:
[QUOTE]What about Stage? What on earth did I do now?
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

We shared an opinion.  <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-smile.gif" border="0" alt="Smile" title="Smile" />

lyndausvi

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_a-few-questions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a9d65d0e-d1cf-4235-909b-5766dfa142e7Post:702b548b-5cbf-455c-b8ff-75da5028361c">Re: a few questions</a>:
[QUOTE]Assigned seating seems to be a regional thing. Here in the Northeast EVERY wedding has assigned tables (not assigned seats). Guests expect it and on the rare occasion someone has opened seating, people hate it and have no idea what to do. But it seems like in the Midwest it is the norm to have open seating. I would consider what your guest list will most likely expect and go with that. 
Posted by daria24[/QUOTE]

<div>i agree with this.  I'ive only ever attend assigned table weddings. I would be a deer in headlights at an open seating.  Actually I would be the one without a seat because we would be the one hanging out at the bar until it was time to eat and be surprised we should have saved a seat first.</div><div>
</div><div>If in doubt do the assigned tables.  A good host puts the people who want to seat with each other together.  I would rather potentially piss off someone with assigned tables  than have people who are not use to open seating not know to save a seat and get separated or have 80 year old grandma stuck in the corner near in front of the DJ speakers.</div>

Jen4948

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_a-few-questions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a9d65d0e-d1cf-4235-909b-5766dfa142e7Post:c3bb518b-e085-4fd9-80bc-a5e5100e2315">Re:a few questions</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:a few questions: Um, no. Actually Stage and I did.
Posted by Sleeper2013[/QUOTE]

She said above: If you have concerns about seating, do assigned seating. 

You've been arguing against assigned seating throughout the thread.

Jen4948

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_a-few-questions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a9d65d0e-d1cf-4235-909b-5766dfa142e7Post:994239f8-e4c4-4690-a293-633a3548a58d">Re: a few questions</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: a few questions : yes i did end the friendship.
Posted by MrsJoshuaParker4[/QUOTE]

I see.  I'm sorry things turned out that way, but under the circumstances I can totally agree with your not wanting her in your wedding party anymore.

Jen4948

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_a-few-questions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a9d65d0e-d1cf-4235-909b-5766dfa142e7Post:38148e83-2194-418c-a5be-b1ddcc5bcf69">Re:a few questions</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:a few questions : This is what I was referring to.
Posted by Sleeper2013[/QUOTE]

But she does say "If they are common among your people, do one."  You even have it bolded.

[Deleted User]

It's all pretty much been said but I'd like to agree with both getting small gifts for the wedding party and with having at least tables assigned. For the gifts, something small, homemade, personal is fine. You are being very generous, but it is all travel/wedding related, so something small like a gift card to a favorite store, a nice book, a movie, a small piece of jewelry, some food, etc would all be nice gestures of gifts that are just for them and not about your day.

For the tables, I think it is a regional thing because every wedding I've been to in NJ has had assigned tables, no question, but not assigned seats. It's always been appreciated as the brides/grooms take time to try to seat people who would enjoy being together. Is it more work for you? Yes, but it makes a huge difference to guests. The one open seating wedding I went to, it as not the greatest thing ever. Family members ended up way in the back and angry they couldn't see anything, friends got split up, people took about 20 minutes longer than normal to even figure out where they were sitting. So...I'd recommend you take the extra evening, pour yourself some wine, and assign tables.

Jen4948

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_a-few-questions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a9d65d0e-d1cf-4235-909b-5766dfa142e7Post:6b6563ee-364e-4720-9e35-9582fcbab3c9">Re:a few questions</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:a few questions : This basically reiterates my comment that "Assigned seating may work in some circles, but if guests are unfamiliar with it, it can be construed as rude and patronizing."
Posted by Sleeper2013[/QUOTE]

It does not say that it can be construed as rude and patronizing.  You are the only one who has posted here that has expressed that opinion.

lyndausvi

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_a-few-questions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a9d65d0e-d1cf-4235-909b-5766dfa142e7Post:6b6563ee-364e-4720-9e35-9582fcbab3c9">Re:a few questions</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:a few questions : This basically reiterates my comment that "Assigned seating may work in some circles, but if guests are unfamiliar with it, it can be construed as rude and patronizing."
Posted by Sleeper2013[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Do always feel that way about assigned tables?  I've attend a lot of non-wedding events that had assigned tabels.  The thought it was  rude and patronizing never entered my mind.

</div>

musicalcanadianbride

I definitely think that if the bride and groom offered to pay for my airfare and hotel for the wedding weekend, that would be a GREAT gift! After that, a well-written thank-you note would be sufficient. 

strlzfan11

I've been to one wedding with open seating.  Had I not already had a seat at one of the tables reserved for the WP and immediate families I would've been really uncomfortable because I didn't know many guests outside of the WP.

MrsJoshuaParker4

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_a-few-questions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a9d65d0e-d1cf-4235-909b-5766dfa142e7Post:b426253a-7e66-4f2e-a9e2-a71187606ad0">Re:a few questions</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:a few questions: Assigned seating may work in some circles, but if guests are unfamiliar with it, it can be construed as rude and patronizing. <strong>Much like your condescending attitude.
</strong>Posted by Sleeper2013[/QUOTE]

ummm... what? lol. how do i have an attitude because i asked a few questions that i was unsure of?

MrsJoshuaParker4

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_a-few-questions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a9d65d0e-d1cf-4235-909b-5766dfa142e7Post:318fd56a-08ee-4329-848c-5587ae42a88c">Re:a few questions</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:a few questions : And me. And Joy. And Lynda. And Lia. And those are just off the top of my head without going through the thread.
Posted by AddieL73[/QUOTE]


totally lost.. what the hell happened here?

AddieCake

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_a-few-questions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a9d65d0e-d1cf-4235-909b-5766dfa142e7Post:3698e996-274f-4127-8f67-895e37532985">Re:a few questions</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:a few questions : ummm... what? lol. how do i have an attitude because i asked a few questions that i was unsure of?
Posted by MrsJoshuaParker4[/QUOTE]



She was talking to Jen, not you. They are arguing about the assigned tables and seating and whether or not they are necessary.

MrsJoshuaParker4

sooooo...

i like the idea of one of my BM walking with two GM.
-a friend even suggested kinda of having the extra GM almost like an usher (i kinda forgot that part in planning, so that may work)

my BMs all know each other (all family lol) so i can put all them at the same table with their SOs. all my the GM know each other (they're all high school/college buddies) so we can put them all at the same table together with their SOs. FI and i think we're having a sweetheart table (is that tacky?)

spotlight dance sounded crazy, but i figured i'd ask lol. definitely skipping that.

gifts for the BP... we'll figure something out. i was on skype with my MOH & one of my BMs a little bit ago and they both said they felt like i did more than enough by paying for their hair and stuff. (i'm probably going to end up buying their shoes too.) as for my FI's GM, that's on my FI.

FI and I decided we are most likely going to skip favors. but we'll finally decide sometime soon.

the seating thing.. all along i wanted to have it so, people have assigned tables. (for example, my aunt & her husband, their 3 kids & the 3 kids SO's at one table, my sorority sisters from college at one table, girls i played softball with another.) they can arrange themselves when they get to the table. 

MrsJoshuaParker4

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_a-few-questions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a9d65d0e-d1cf-4235-909b-5766dfa142e7Post:64e86fd6-5ee5-461f-b8ea-75e87718a6bb">Re:a few questions</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:a few questions : She was talking to Jen, not you. They are arguing about the assigned tables and seating and whether or not they are necessary.
Posted by AddieL73[/QUOTE]

ohhh.. ok. gotcha.

libby2483

In Response to Re:a few questions:[QUOTE]In Response to Re: a few questions:In Response to Re: a few questions : This is usually how open seating is done. nbsp;I've been at several weddings where guests were assigned a table, but not a specific seat and it has always worked well. nbsp;I have also been to weddings where there was open seating, but there wasn't enough extra seats, so couples and families had to split up. nbsp;Assigned tables are my preference, but if you do decide to do open seating, make sure you have far more seats than you have guests so people don't get split up.Posted by libby2483Open seating is when seats and and tables aren't assigned.Assigned seats are when specific seats are assigned. What the OP wants and what usually works best is assigned tables.nbsp; Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]

Oops, my mistake. I mistyped open in my first line when I meant assigned.

Jen4948

Yeah, it was actually funny!

lovesclimbing

I personally do not think WP gifts are necessary. in fact, I was a guest book attendant this summer, never received even a TY note, and didn't even think about it until this post. I was overjoyed just to be asked to help. However, I do know that it is considered nice and is a social norm to give them so my husband and I got all our WP 15 gift cards except one groomsman whom we gave a 30 gift card to we gave him more because we asked him when he drove back home to take all our wedding presents/cards and my dress and drop them off at our house for us About assigned seating/tables, I say do whatever is normal for your area and what works for your situation. For what it's worth, I was at two weddings this summer where there was open seating my wedding was also open seating. I did not mind in the least, liked being able to mingle and move around and sit different places during the reception, and I never saw any of the problems PPs have suggested being like a high school cafeteria, people being split up, etc.

happywife2b

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_a-few-questions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a9d65d0e-d1cf-4235-909b-5766dfa142e7Post:1c477a7d-37cb-42cc-a03a-e6876f3841d9">a few questions</a>:
[QUOTE]1) do i actually have to have the same number BMs as my FI has GM? originally we had 6 of each, but i recently had to kick out one of my BMs. we're not going to un-ask one of GM and i don't feel comfortable asking anybody else to be a BM. so i have 5 BMs and he has 6GM. is that weird? 2) Do I have to have a head table with my whole bridal party? my FI were talking about it and thought it would be kind of weird since my BMs don't know his GM and vice versa. so we talked about having our bridal party sit with their SO's during the reception. (all my BMs would end up at the same table together and all of his GM would end up at the same table together) 3) [kind goes along with number 2] can i skip the spotlight dance with the bridal party? again, they don't know each other. 4) is it wrong that i don't really think that we have to get our bridal part members gifts? please keep in mind we live in MI (where all of his GM are) and getting married in GA (where i'm from and all of my BMs are). we're paying the airfare for the GM and hotel rooms for the entire bridal party. 5) i really can't come up with an idea for a wedding favor and i definitely do not like the bottle of wine idea (considering half of my guests have to fly back to NY on Saturday for my cousin's wedding that Sunday--my wedding's a Friday) so, it's okay to skip it right? 6) do seating charts really go the way as planned? lol. before i try to rack my brain, what are everybody's thoughts on this? thank you :)
Posted by MrsJoshuaParker4[/QUOTE]

In reverse order:

You could allow people to seat themselves. It will save you a huge headache and tons of time. Guests will be happier because they will seat themselves with friends and chat, enjoy the night to a greater degree.

While wedding favors are not a requirement, per se, they are expected at formal and/or large weddings. Over time, they have become part of the overall tradition. Nice gesture to your guests but again, not required. There are a million inexpensive favors on teh market. You don't have to dream them up yourself, just google and browse.

Since you are paying airfaire/accomodations for the entire BP, that in itself could be considered a gift. However, there is no reason to skip making an inexpensive yet special thenk you gesture by giving [ties or other inexpensive but personal item] to the GMs and [scarves or other] to the BMs if you can afford to do so. If you order them in a set online it shouldn't cost you much, but it will make a big difference to those who stand with you on your biggest day.

You only have to do the dances you choose. Some folks opt for only a bride/groom dance, others do multiple parent/bride/groom dances, etc. You could dance all night and some people will still say you did it all wrong. Do what makes you happy.

As for the tables, why not separate the bridal party into three tables? A sweetheart table for you and the groom, as well as your and groom's parents. Then a table for the BMs and their SOs; another table for GM and their SOs. Seems rational and organised with everyone happy.

And no, the wedding police will not drag you off for not having to same number of BMs and GM.

Jen4948

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_a-few-questions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a9d65d0e-d1cf-4235-909b-5766dfa142e7Post:9e7335da-6944-4847-b45b-824dd3370229">Re: a few questions</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to a few questions : In reverse order: You could allow people to seat themselves. It will save you a huge headache and tons of time. <strong>Guests will be happier because they will seat themselves with friends and chat, enjoy the night to a greater degree. </strong>While wedding favors are not a requirement, per se, they are expected at formal and/or large weddings. Over time, they have become part of the overall tradition. Nice gesture to your guests but again, not required. There are a million inexpensive favors on teh market. You don't have to dream them up yourself, just google and browse. Since you are paying airfaire/accomodations for the entire BP, that in itself could be considered a gift. However, there is no reason to skip making an inexpensive yet special thenk you gesture by giving [ties or other inexpensive but personal item] to the GMs and [scarves or other] to the BMs if you can afford to do so. If you order them in a set online it shouldn't cost you much, but it will make a big difference to those who stand with you on your biggest day. You only have to do the dances you choose. Some folks opt for only a bride/groom dance, others do multiple parent/bride/groom dances, etc. You could dance all night and some people will still say you did it all wrong. Do what makes you happy. As for the tables, why not separate the bridal party into three tables? A sweetheart table for you and the groom, as well as your and groom's parents. Then a table for the BMs and their SOs; another table for GM and their SOs. Seems rational and organised with everyone happy. And no, the wedding police will not drag you off for not having to same number of BMs and GM.
Posted by happywife2b[/QUOTE]

No, guests won't be happier to have to seat themselves if they have to look for seats...especially if people "save" them.

lyndausvi

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_a-few-questions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a9d65d0e-d1cf-4235-909b-5766dfa142e7Post:9e7335da-6944-4847-b45b-824dd3370229">Re: a few questions</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to a few questions : In reverse order: You could allow people to seat themselves. It will save you a huge headache and tons of time. Guests will be happier because they will seat themselves with friends and chat, enjoy the night to a greater degree.
Posted by happywife2b[/QUOTE]

Umm, my table assignments took about 30 minutes (for 145 people), it wasn't stressfull or a headache. My guests sat with their family and/or friends and talked.   Can't imagine how much more they could have been happier.  
::shurgs::


**  I agree that you should do what your social group is use to.  If I had open seating my guests would not have been happier.  Quite the opposite I would think.   I also had to rent every chair, fork, salt and pepper shaker, table, etc.   Adding 10% seating to ensure people would be able to sit together would have cost me more money just to have items 10% of the people would not use. Not sure I had the room for 2 more tables either. 

s-aries8990

The formal weddings I have been to have all had assigned tables. If the hosts know their guests, they will seat them at the table with people whom they know and will enjoy. I think that assigned tables are a safer bet for a formal wedding-- Unless your venue/caterer requires it, don't do assigned seating. I kind of dislike open seating- I've been to a few informal weddings that had open seating and it was just an awkward night. If it's a buffet or just hors d'ourvres, you can get away with open seating, but if it's plated and you have a larger wedding (75+) it'll be really difficult.

I think that you should get your BP something extra. Put a $5-10 cap on it- movie, book, game, accessory, etc. OR, make them a ty box with cookies and candy. Either way, you should also include a heartfelt note. Just buy a tube or two of nestle cookie dough and voila gifts for 11 for under $20! Give 'em each about a dozen cookies in a tin from the craft-store. As PP's said, you chose to pay for these extra things for them.

No need for favors.

lyndausvi

I think the point Retread is for you and your social group open seating are the norm.  You know to go in and get the "good seats" or save seats.     You know the drill and are use to it.

When I walk into a wedding we normally go to the bar, talk to our family and friends. Our tables are assigned so we don't have to bother with saving seats or figuring out where the best place to sit is.  We don't even look for our table until they tell us it's time to sit down.

I'm not saying my way is the correct way, but if you put me in an open seating situation we would be the ones who would be seperated from family and friends because it's not even in our radar to have to find a table.

Neither way is right or wrong, just do what your group normally does.