Guest problems?

Katie Mar

I hope this is the right board... if not please someone tell me where I need to be. Im running into so many  issues with my guest list as far as trying to decide who to invite and how to not hurt anyones feelings? And save money. The more I look at these venues the more dollar signs I see and I dont really have a lot of $$$ to spare...I tried taking off the kids, but if I take off the kids then a whole bunch of my family wont be able to make it, including my FI best man, and I feel bad excluding some of my cousins bf/gf when I invite anothers, but I know the ones I've added to the list. They have been around for a few years and just arnt the flavor of the week. Im at a loss. I need to save money, and I need to preserve feelings.

Sierra524

You could invite children in circles. Invite the kids you really want there, like your FI best mans child. You dont have to invite every child. As far as inviting SOs...you really should invite those who have SOs at the time of the wedding, even if the relationship is fairly new. When is your wedding? Could you check out different venues?

Look into ways to save money in other areas of the wedding, so you can spend more on the reception, allowing you to invite more people. Sometimes having a buffet is cheaper than a seated dinner. Instead of an open bar, do a limited bar (wine & beer). Consider making your own centerpieces or doing your own bouquets. Instead of getting a huge wedding cake, do a smaller cake with a sheet cake in the back so you can serve the sheet cake to your guest. Remember that alot of those smaller details (napkin rings, monogrammed napkins, programs, etc) are not necessary and just wasted money. Nobody is going to remember the monogrammed napkins you spent $100 (just an example). No need to spend tons of money on favors that most people wont use. Maybe instead of a DJ, use an ipod playlist and a stereo system. These are just some ideas on how you can save money. You might want to check out the budget board for other ways to save money.

OliveOilsMom

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-problems?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a9eb32a8-591d-42e9-96e1-fdbea520a1a8Post:49987811-462e-435a-af9b-6c8dcae976f2">Guest problems?</a>:
[QUOTE]I hope this is the right board... if not please someone tell me where I need to be. Im running into so many  issues with my guest list as far as trying to decide who to invite and how to not hurt anyones feelings? And save money. The more I look at these venues the more dollar signs I see and I dont really have a lot of $$$ to spare...I tried taking off the kids, but if I take off the kids then a whole bunch of my family wont be able to make it, including my FI best man, and I feel bad excluding some of my cousins bf/gf when I invite anothers, but I know the ones I've added to the list. They have been around for a few years and just arnt the flavor of the week. Im at a loss. I need to save money, and I need to preserve feelings.
Posted by Katie Mar[/QUOTE]

It is best to invite in circles.  For kids, you can do nieces/nephews only, WP kids only and that's it.  And for the others, aunt/uncles, first cousins only.  As for bf/gf - anyone in a relationship needs to be invited together.  That can't be worked around.

People realize that not everyone can be invited to weddings.  Many people have to make tough cuts.  If you come across someone who asks about the guest list, that's rude of them, but you can always say you are having a small wedding and are unfortunetly you cannot invite everyone you'd like and change the subject.

Katie Mar

I was planing on using as much DIY and budget ideas as possible, and I understand the SO now, as for the kids, I know that if I dont let some of my family bring them, they wont be able to come, some of my aunts are raising my cousins children and there are a ton of them, let me tell you...I have two years to the wedding so shopping for a venue shouldnt be an issue, but everything is already so expensive and will only get more so as my date gets closer...Maybe I am just worrying for nothing.

OliveOilsMom

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-problems?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a9eb32a8-591d-42e9-96e1-fdbea520a1a8Post:147621f7-e0e4-47be-ac37-09fc91873231">Re: Guest problems?</a>:
[QUOTE]I was planing on using as much DIY and budget ideas as possible, and I understand the SO now, as for the kids, I know that if I dont let some of my family bring them, they wont be able to come, some of my aunts are raising my cousins children and there are a ton of them, let me tell you...I have two years to the wedding so shopping for a venue shouldnt be an issue, but everything is already so expensive and will only get more so as my date gets closer...Maybe I am just worrying for nothing.
Posted by Katie Mar[/QUOTE]

Why don't you try posting on your local board and see if anyone has recommendations for venues in your price range.  Also, you don't have to serve everyone dinner if you have a ceremony at an off time.  If you have a 2 pm ceremony, go right into the reception and serve appetizers/cake, cake and punch only, or dessert only.  It wouldn't be a full 5 hour reception, but you would have hosted your guests properly.  You could also do a later ceremony, 8 pm start time and do a dessert only recepiton.  This will help you stretch your budget.

erinlin25

guest list can be the most stressful thing.  You need to set a budget and then build a final guestlist of that budget-- always plan for 100% attendance too.  So if your venue can only hold so many people, or you can afford so many people you need to cap your list there--or look for an alternative venue that suits your budget with a bigger guest list. 

Start making a list and prioritize who you want there.  If you only can afford 100 people, then you need to draw a line there.  We started with wedding party, then added family and then our friends, and then family friends etc.  When we went over our list we looked back and realized ok, we have not seen these friends in so many years, we do not know these family friends, etc. There were even some "family" like long lost cousins we did not invite because we do not have a relationship with them, so it was more important to include close friends over people we never see/never talk to.  It sucks having to "cut" people, but as long as you have not sent a save the date or told them you are inviting them then it will be ok.  

Have a potential list-- compare it to your budget.  If it is over budget to accomodate everyone (don't forget SOs of your guests and potential SOs in case anyone gets into relationship) you need to either cut people or find a different venue.

Katie Mar

Thanks so much ladies this really helps, I didnt even think about the local board! I will have to check there next!

mallyk80

I disagree! You do not have to invite significant others at all. You can politely explain it is close friends and family. That is what we are doing. We do not have the space to accommodate everyone so we can't possibly invite a near stranger when our own aunts and uncles aren't invited.

Katie Mar

Thats true, but in the instance I was reffering to was this: I have two cousins that have been in a relationship for over a year already and seem pretty serious, my two other cousins however, I dont really approve of the girls they date and they dont stay with someone for very long, but I was not sure if I could reasonably exclude their girlfriends wille still inviting my other couisins boyfriends... when it comes down to it, feelings are going to get hurt either way, I just cant afford it. If they wernt all in the same circle it would be a lot easier.